MartyT

Just so you know, Marg, I did merge your accounts, so now all your posts appear with your newly chosen display name. You'll find your very first post in our forums here:  

Yes, Kay ~ Mary was known to us as Queeniemary. May she rest in eternal peace . . . ❤️

16 hours ago, Connor'sMom said:

I don't know how to grieve this.

My dear, you are one of our valued long-time patrons, and I'm pleased to see that you've found your way back to us. Rest assured that we are here to support and guide you through this more recent loss of your mother. ❤️

Know that it is never too late to do the work of grief, as long as you're willing to do it.

I'm going to suggest for you some readings that I hope will speak to you in a helpful way. Note that beneath each article, you'll find links to additional resources:

Bereavement: Doing The Work of Grief

In Grief: After Caregiving Ends, Who Am I?

Complicated Grief: Mourning An Abusive Mother

2 hours ago, Butters Mom said:

Today I believe that the weak legs, not eating, and lethargy that started a few days prior were not because he was nutrient-deficient but because his body had started shutting down a few days prior.  All of it was just too much on his system and especially his heart. 

I hope you will hold onto this belief, my dear, because it is the truth. Clearly you went above and beyond doing all you could do to keep your baby alive ~ but sadly, it was not to be. I am so sorry for your loss. And I assure you that you are NOT alone. Wishing for comfort, peace and healing to your broken heart . . . ❤️

Going over the "what ifs" and "if onlys" again and again will only bring you down. What is done is done. What matters now is recognize whatever lessons you can learn from this experience. As long as you had to go through all of this pain, make it count for something.

What might you learn from this? How might you use it to grow and to become the man you want to be? ❤️

3 hours ago, kayc said:

Came home last night, was SO EXHAUSTED!!! Everyone but my son talks constantly if they're awake. 

I think there's a reason why we have kids when we're young, Kay! Much as we love our grands, the older we get, the more we appreciate our quiet time ❤️ So glad you are back home and safe ❤️

38 minutes ago, Sad_Widower said:

On a side note, my wife taught me that in almost every scenario, there is something good to focus on. 
The result of this caused something I never would have imagined, and that is my parents and I have reunited.

I'm so sorry to learn this news about your physical health, my friend, but how wonderful that it's led to your reconciliation with your parents. I can think of no better way to honor your beloved wife's wise teaching. Please know that we are with you, lifting you in our thoughts and prayers, as you continue on your journey, wherever it may lead.  ❤️

You might find these articles helpful, too, if you take time to read them. Note that links to additional readings are included in each:

How We Mourn: Understanding Our Differences

Death of A Parent: Negative Impact on A Couple's Relationship

Ambiguous Loss: When Grief Threatens A Love Relationship

In Grief: Can This Relationship Survive?

In Grief: Supporting A Partner in Mourning

Mourning The Death of A Love Relationship: Suggested Resources

When you're thinking of sending her something or doing something for her, it may help to ask yourself, "Whose need am I meeting here?" Sometimes we do things based on our own need to DO something ~ ANYthing ~ in hopes of helping or making things better ~ but in doing so, we fail to listen to the other, and we lose sight of what the person really needs. Something to think about . . .

We love you, too, dear Marg ~ and it's SO good to hear from you again! Know that you are always, always in our hearts ~ most especially in mine ❤️ 

The Delete option does show up for me ~ but that may be only because I am the administrator of the site. If you want a post deleted, just let me know, and I will make it happen.

More likely it would have been snakes and alligators, Karen 😜

I am deeply grateful for your concern, dear ones ~ Please know that all is well where I am located. Having no power or Internet for four days was challenging ~ but no damage to our home ~ just lots of trees down in our neighborhood. The worst of the storm was south of Sarasota, barely 20 miles from here. Now that I have TV I can see the devastation on Sanibel Island, in Naples, Fort Myers, Northport, Englewood, and Venice. These are the places that need our prayers and whatever help we can offer. This is the worst storm to hit this area in a century . . . 

So sorry! Thanks for letting me know! All fixed now 😉

Hello to you, and welcome!

It's hard to make a mistake here, my friend. We're a pretty tolerant bunch. You can read our guidelines here: About Grief Healing Discussion Groups

38 minutes ago, FreebirdNY1958 said:

I've read up on anniversary triggers and manage to get thru it.

You might find these helpful: 

See I am back online!  ❤️

See I am back online!  ❤️

Hello again, dear ones. My power came back on yesterday (Sunday) and Internet service came on this morning (Monday). I am safe and dry, and very grateful for that. I've been working outside since Hurricane Ian hit this past Wednesday, doing yard work and clearing debris. Lots of wind damage and trees down in my neighborhood, but no structural damage to my home, thank Heaven. My heart hurts for those south of us who are still bearing the brunt of this catastrophic storm. I've certainly learned how much I took for granted things like air conditioning, hot water, taking a shower, eating a hot meal, having ice in my drinking water, and turning on a switch to let there be light in the darkness. My cell phone wouldn't hold a charge for more than 18 hours or so, and of course no TV or Internet service. Only contact with the outside world was a portable battery-operated radio.

I am now in the process of reading all the posts I've missed since this past Tuesday, and ever so grateful to be back in touch with all of you. Blessings to you, and thank you for taking good care of one another in my absence. ❤️  

Dear Ones ~ I'm sure by now you've heard about the hurricane that's expected to hit Florida some time tomorrow, Wednesday September 28. Since I am located in South Sarasota, I may experience some effects from the heavy rains and high winds that are predicted ~ most likely a loss of electricity for some unknown period of time. (I am not yet in a designated mandatory evacuation area.) I am as prepared as I can be for such circumstances, and all I can do at this point is to watch and to wait. Please know that if I should not be able to access our site on my computer for any reason, I am counting on all of you to continue to take good care of each other, and I will come back online as quickly as conditions allow. Blessings to each and every one of you.   ~ Marty T ❤️

I too am sorry for your loss, Leylaa. I hope this article (which includes my own story of infant loss) will speak to you in a helpful way ~ and note the links to many additional resources as well: Silent Grief: Pregnancy and Infant Loss  ❤️

4 hours ago, kayc said:

didn't get to talk to my granddaughter.  I hope she doesn't feel her grandma doesn't care.

I'd wanted so much to talk to her yesterday.

Maybe you could write a note to her, enclosed in a card, saying what you need to tell her? Unless the words come from you, Kay, whatever she is told about your absence will come from her mom and dad.

I'm so sorry this happened to you, Kay. I know from all you've shared about your son over the years that he is a wonderful and thoughtful man ~ thanks in no small part to the way he was raised. I'm sure that he sees you as a strong and independent lady, but he forgets that you are ALONE ~ and I don't think he realized what it's like for a woman traveling alone on a freeway to be faced with the possibility of a flat tire and the risks involved in proceeding on your way. I suspect he was coming from a place of sadness and profound disappointment, learning that you would not be present for his daughter's baptism ~ what he considers to be a significant, milestone event in her life. I'm sure he knows how much you love your granddaughter and how much you wanted to be there for him and his family. I hope you will read his reaction as a measure of his disappointment rather than an act of disrespect. 

3 hours ago, kayc said:

You want a good laugh?  My story in "loss of love relationship..." 

I'm so sorry, Kay. And no one is laughing. This is not funny. Not funny at all 

1 hour ago, Boho-Soul said:

The autopsy report has finally arrived.

I hope it brings you the answers you've been seeking for such a long time.  ❤️