MartyT

I'm so very sorry for your loss, Caren. Clearly you did everything you could to save your beloved Oliver, but in the end you had to let him go. I know your heart is broken. In the days and weeks ahead, I hope you will find ways to memorialize your darling boy. Give yourself the time and space to mourn the loss of him, and know that you are not alone. Here you are among kindred spirits, all of whom are animal lovers and each of whom have been where you are now.

You might find some comfort in reading about the grief that accompanies the loss of a cherished animal companion. Doing so won't change how you are feeling, but may help you better understand why. See, for example, In Grief: When Pet Loss Feels Worse Than Person Loss and Pet Loss: Finding Peace After Euthanasia  ❤️

If you missed it "live", you can still watch this outstanding program!

🧡  🧡  🧡

Keeping you and your dear Marley dog in our thoughts and prayers, dear Karen, and sending hope for healing 🧡

Blessings to you as well, dear one, and thank you for your kind words. You've touched my heart 🧡

Your Bucky and my Muffin could have been twins. Seeing this picture is like seeing my own dear cutie pie again! Thank you so much for sharing this with us! 🧡

My heart reaches out to you in your pain, my friend. If you have a picture of your darling Bucky, we'd love to see it. I had a cockapoo named Muffin many years ago. It was his sudden, unexpected and accidental death that set me on the path to becoming a grief counselor with a special interest in pet loss. Losing Muffin was one of the most painful experiences of my life, so believe me when I say that I know how much this hurts. I welcome you to this warm and caring site, where you are surrounded by like-minded folks. We are animal lovers all, and we've all been where you are now. You are not alone . . . 🧡

So sorry this is turning into such a hassle for you, Scott . . . 

25 minutes ago, kayc said:

These "stages" aren't a straight line,

Taking A Look at The Stages of Grief

Sending healing thoughts and prayers to you, Scott, and hoping for the best. 🧡

--

Nan & Gary Zastrow     nanwings1@gmail.com

the Founders of:  wingsgrief.org  Wings--a Grief Education Ministry (1993)

P.O. Box 1051, Wausau, WI 54401

 

 

Visit Wings on FACEBOOK  website:  wingsgrief.org 

My dear, I am so sorry to learn of the sudden loss of your fiance, especially given the manner in which he died. It's good to know that you've found your way to this warm and caring place, and we welcome you with open arms and caring hearts ~ but in addition to the comfort and support you will find here, you need and deserve more.

It's important to know that the circumstances surrounding the death of your beloved and the horrific images involved can have significant after-effects (nightmares, intrusive thoughts, haunting visual memories) ~ all of which can complicate your grief. Your experience calls for professional intervention with a therapist whose practice focuses on traumatic loss ~ and I hope for your sake you will seek such support. This is far too much for you to tackle all by yourself.

I invite you to read this piece by Dr. Robert Neimeyer, describing the specialized procedures involved in trauma-focused grief therapy: Traumatic Images of Their Loved One's Dying

See also:

Finding Grief Support That Is Right For You 

Coping with Traumatic Loss: Suggested Resources

What Is Complicated Grief?

Earlier I invited another member to read this, but you may find it helpful too: How Can The World Go On When My Loved One Has Died?  ❤️

How Can The World Go On When My Loved One Has Died?  ❤️

Dear one, the advice Boho-Soul has given you is spot-on, and I hope you will heed what she has said about finishing unfinished business.

I also want to point you to some articles that I hope will speak to you in a helpful way. Some of the stories may differ from your own, but the information still applies. Note, too, the addirional resources listed at the base of each:

Grief and The Burden of Guilt

Guilt and Regret in Grief

How Can The World Go On When My Loved One Has Died?

Parent Loss: Continuing Their Song

In Grief: Am I Making Too Much of My Grandpa's Death?

I'm so sorry to learn of the loss of your beloved companion, Deej ~ and I can say without hesitation that those you will find here DO know how much this hurts, since we've all been where you are now. The bond we have with our animal companions is very special and unique ~ as you say, they take care of us just as much as we take care of them ~ and what we share is different from the relationships we have with other people. There is an intimacy, an affection, a tolerance, a dependency, a truly loving relationship that cannot compare with any other ~ and when that relationship is interrupted by death, it brings us to our knees. It feels as if we cannot possibly go on without them.

You say you don't think you can cope, but you will, and you are. Finding your way here to us is evidence of that. Here you will find the comfort, information and support that will help to get you through. It's just that this pain is unlike any you've ever had before, and it truly does seem as if you cannot bear it. That's why it helps to be among others who know and share your pain, because you learn that you are not alone. You learn that, if others have found ways to survive this unbearable pain, then you will find a way to survive it, too. It gives you hope.

But right now, you need to give yourself permission to feel your pain. Think of it as testimony to the bond you have with your beloved husky. The pain you're feeling now is a measure of your love. Honor it. Feel it. Lean into it. Express it in any way that feels right to you. And most of all, know that you are not alone. We are here for you, I promise.

You might find this article helpful: In Grief: When Pet Loss Feels Worse Than Person Loss  ♥

2 hours ago, kayc said:

The rice method I think they're talking about is filling up a pocket of rice and heating to warm in microwave, then setting it on the area.

RICE stands for Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation. The RICE method includes the following four steps:
Step 1: Rest. Pain is your body's signal that something is wrong. ...
Step 2: Ice. Ice is a tried-and-true tool for reducing pain and swelling. ...
Step 3: Compression. This means wrapping the injured area to prevent swelling. ...
Step 4: Elevation.

3 hours ago, Mimaka said:

Not being able to say goodbye is haunting me all the time. 

You may find these articles helpful: Goodbye to Goodbye, by Darcie Sims and We Never Said Goodbye by Tony Falzano ❤️

I'm so sorry, Mimaka. It's good to know that you are working with a grief therapist. I hope you've read through all the posts in this thread ~ and I can only repeat what I said earlier: 

On 2/4/2022 at 11:31 AM, MartyT said:

I can only emphasize what Novi and Kay have said already, and I encourage you to have a visit with your primary care physician ~ to rule out any possible physical causes for your lack of appetite, and to learn if any medication might be prescribed to help with your anxiety and insomnia. Grief is hard work, and it's important that we keep ourselves in as healthy a state as possible so we can cope with all its challenges. That means paying close attention to our need for adequate rest, exercise, hydration and nutrition. I'd also encourage you to investigate whatever in-person grief support services might be available in your community. ❤️

Oh Cathy ~ my heart reaches out to you in your pain. I'm so sorry that, in addition to the sudden, traumatic loss of your precious daughter, you're being dragged through so much drama with her husband.

Your granddaughter is just beautiful ~ and the pictures you've shared with us just take my breath away.

I hope that here you will find some of the comfort and support you so richly deserve, as so many of us know firsthand what it's like to bury a child. We can also refer you to some of the many resources that are available to grandparents who find themselves in situations similar to your own. See, for example, Harriet Hodgson's informative book, So, You're Raising Your Grandkids!

See also When An Adult Child Dies: Resources for Bereaved Parents  

You might find some of these resources mentioned in these articles helpful as well:

Children and Teens in Grief: Suggested Resources

Tips for Helping Children and Teens in Grief  ❤️

My dear, from what you've described, it doesn't seem to me that you've let your mom down ~ not at all. So much of what has happened here is way beyond your control. As for feeling horribly guilty in the aftermath, you would do well to remember that feelings are not facts. Just because you feel guilty, it doesn't follow that you ARE guilty as charged.

Surely your mom knows how much you love her, and she would be the first one to understand how little control you have in all of this.

You'll find links to a number of helpful articles on this matter of fulfilling the last wishes of the dying at the base of this post: Deathbed Promises: Honoring A Mother's Dying Wish  🧡