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Elizabeth, This weekend is going to be very hard for all of us. I have been crying for the past week just thinking about Easter I just don’t want to imagine how I am going to be on that day. I know I have to stay busy but how everyone is going to be celebrating Easter with their family and I am going to be stuck at home with my two year old daughter and hear "bye-bye" the whole day. We are not celebrating any holidays until after the one year but my in-laws have invited me to their house for dinner in a way part of me wants to go to get out of the house but then part of me wants to stay home and cry all day and wish Jack was there to color the eggs like he use to do. I am close to my in-laws but I don’t think I am ready to face a holiday at their house without my husband. My parents live in California and I have always felt alone without them but my husband was always there to help fill that gap and now with him being gone and my parents so far away I really feel lonely and holidays are so much harder. I am sure your mom would love to have you and her granddaughter with her on Easter to keep her company. She probably did not mention it to you because she did not think you might be up for company but you should go and spend the day with her its always nice to have your mom around and somehow moms always make things a little bit easier. Love, Marlene

Kim, There is no need for you to feel like you are being a pain on here that is what we are all here for to help you lessen your pain. It’s good that you post on here exactly what you’re feeling rather than keeping it bottled in. I have so many days where I just want to come here and post and cry but I don’t know what words to use and I think to myself everyone here is going through the same thing I don’t want to be a bother also so I just read what others are saying and I know everyone here is wonderful and can help me but I too don’t want to be a pain. It’s so much easier to tell others to come here and post their feelings than for me to actually take my own advice. I am sorry you are having a hard time approaching the 7 month it will be 4 months tomorrow for me and I also am having a hard time. Everyone keeps saying give it time it will get better but it seems to be getting harder every month that goes by. I wish the best for all of us here that our lives will start to get a little brighter. Love, Marlene

KIM, I am so sorry you are having a rough time especially with your husbands birthday & your anniversary right around the corner. I lost my husband on Thanksgiving day (a little over 3 months ago) then 24 days later would have been his 34th birthday, then Christmas, one month after that our daughters 2nd birthday and one month after that would have been our 5 year anniversary. It was all back to back as soon as I thought I could stand on one toe (of course not my feet too soon)there it was another thing I had to face alone and I was not ready I did not want to do it without my husband but I had no choice the days that at one time were celebrations were here and I just had to tell myself I have to do this and get through it. Now my next fear is Easter, Mothers day then Fathers day but most of all the entire summer because that is the family time, the beach, the bar-b-que's, the yard work, etc. They say your first of everything without your loved one is the hardest so we will see next time around even though that is to far to think about I just want to focus on getting through today. There are no words that can make all the upcoming specials days for you easier but maybe some advice from my recent experience to help you get through them is to celebrate the days, of course your not going to celebrate them the way you once did before but celebrate them in a different way. On your husbands birthday get a cake sing to him he is still having a birthday in heaven and in your heart, he will hear you and see you blow out the candles and yes you will cry but he will smile. Blow him a kiss and wish him a happy birthday. On your anniversary get together with a friend or two and do something you and your husband would have done together such as go out to dinner or go to a movie and just talk about your wonderful relationship that you shared with your husband. Of course none of this will be the same and you want things to be different the way they once were, we all do but unfortunately we cant change our past so we have to find ways that might make the days just a little bit easier and ways to get us through the day. Just try to reach your hand out to people close in your life and ask them for help even if its just an ear. Take care of yourself and dont forget we are all here to help you we will be your ears whenever you need us. Love, Marlene

Angie, I am sorry for the loss of your love. Trust me all the guilt you have is normal we all feel guilty after losing someone special and wish we could have done more and wish we can go back and do things different but we cant we have to accept what has happened to us and not be pulled down by the guilty feeling. Eventually you will get past the guilty feeling and realize your boyfriend is in a better place with no more suffering you just have to stay strong and always come here when you need to vent we all know exactly what your feeling. Take care of yourself. Love always, Marlene

Terlinda I also would give anything in the world to have my husband back to irrate me again and I would love and cherish every minute of it. When my husband was alive I would come home from work and "stuff" would be out of place and all I did was complain about it now I come home from work and everything is the same as I left it and I hate it oh, how badly I would love to come home and have things unorganized again. I use to sleep with a pillow over my head because of his snoring and I have got so use to it that I would love again to sleep that way but I am scared I wont hear if something goes on in the house. If I can have him back I would not sleep with a pillow on my head I dont think I would sleep at all just stay up all night and stare at his beautiful face. I miss hearing him ask me if I am okay that was his daily question to me I wish I can hear his voice. No, Jack I am not okay I am going crazy in a useless world with useless life without you. I am sorry just having a hard day today and if I can have my best friend back life would be so much easier. We just have to hang in there and hope somehow things will get easier. Love, Marlene

Wendy, I am not sure what people say to others at the one year anniversaries of the loss of their best friend and the love of their life. Usually on happy occasion people always say congratulations and I know today is far from being a happy day for you but I do want to say congratulations. The reason I say congratulations to you is because of your strength to make it to the one year and you give hope to people like me who have only been going through this for 3 months that I too will make it to the one year. Please be strong and know today is just another obstacle we have to go through in our grieving process. We are all here for you with open arms to give you a big hug. Love always, Marlene

Carolyn, I am sorry you are having such a bad morning but there is no reason you should feel guilty for smiling for just a moment in this tragic time of your life you were having fun there is nothing wrong with that and I dont know your husband but I know he must of been a wonderful man for you to love him so much and I know that he wants to see you smile it makes him rest a little bit easier knowing that there is a part of you that can do that again. It has been 3 months since I lost my husband and up to recently every time I smiled or laughed I felt so guilty as well, I thought how can I laugh and smile I am not happy and does Jack think I am happy without him because I am not crying. I then reminded myself what kind of person he was that he would always tell me in anything I wanted to do just do what makes me happy and always smile. So now whenever I am around people and I am happy for a brief moment it is because I remember what Jack would tell me just be happy. He was always a happy person he always loved to make people laugh he was the funniest person I ever knew. I learned not to feel guilty anymore if I smile because the smile only lasts a few short moments and even though I might have a smile on my face I will never have a smile in my heart but I know when my husband sees me smiling he smiles as well to know I am somewhat okay. It is so ironic this subject is brought up because my aunt called me a couple of days ago to check up on me and of course it was right in the middle of one of my break downs. She asked me why am I crying (even though she knew why and she knows what I am going through she lost her husband 22 years ago and she has been alone since) I of course told her I was just missing Jack so much and wish so badly I could have him back. She then told me "Marlene, dont you know that every time you cry for Jack you are burning him with your tear" I was very confused by what she was saying to me well she proceeded to telll me this true story about a lady that lost her only daughter and she could not stop crying for a long time all she did was cry. Well then her daughter started to come visit her in her dreams and tell her "mom stop crying over me everytime you cry you burn me with your tears because of all your pain, just smile for me and be happy I am not hurting anymore so I can finally be at peace" her mom said to her "I cant be happy your not here with me anymore and I miss you" the daughter told her mom "I am always with you so smile because of that and dont cry over me because your tears are burning me in a fire". So the mother every time she cried she smiled too. When my aunt was telling me this I did not know if I could believe this story and I mentioned that to her she said to me "Marlene, they are always with us and they are happy but when you cry they have no way to express their pain so it feels like your burning them in a fire". I then understood what she was saying so now when I smile I know Jack is in peace and when I cry that is when I feel guilty and I apologize to Jack and tell him I feel I am burning without his love but I want him to be at peace I mean that is the reason he left us so soon to be at peace. So Carolyn, dont feel bad for enjoying time with your grandchild or anything else you choose to do in life that makes you smile it does not change how you feel about your husband being gone it is just strength from your husband and God telling you everything will be okay and its alright to go through life having fun and smiling because they are always in our heart. I believe God works in mysterious ways and I believe Cal was working with him and they had you work on a project to make you smile and they knew having your granddaughter there would help achieve their job. Love always your friend, Marlene

Gail, I know exactly what you mean I have those days too where I just want to curl up and die just to be close to my husband again. There is nothing in particular that can cause us to have an emotional break down for me somedays I just wake up in the morning and cry and cry then there are other days I just climb out of bed and think I am going to make it okay today. That is griefing though its a rollercoaster one minute you go up and feel somewhat okay then you fall back down sometimes you even go side to side not knowing where you are going next. Just know that you have made it 13 months and you will never go all the way down the rollercoaster again because you climbed that big bump and made it through the first year. I have only been on this rollercoaster for 3 months and as much as I would love to get off or even ride with my husband I know its not possible so I just have to accept this bumpy ride alone and believe somehow life will get easier. Gail, I commend you on getting through this as long as you have that should be your strength in knowing that life does continue I know that is my strength when I see others just like you I then know that I can do this just like they have. You still have alot of unfinished work left ahead of you in life continue to find strength in achieving all your dreams. Love always, Marlene

Rosemary, Its okay that you may not feel as a positive contributor right now nobody expects you to feel positive it is to soon. We all understand and know you are not alone we all have are positive minutes and then have our negative days. Thats what makes the people here so wonderful you will never be judged on how you feel everyone knows exactly what you are going through. If all you do is read positive messages here and post your feelings good or bad and it helps you for a brief moment then that is all that matters. I was reading where you stated you and your husband did not have any children so you have nothing to focus on now. I have now been without my husband for 3 months and yes we were blessed with a beautiful daughter but now that he is gone it still feels like its not enough and I have so many days where I dont know where my purpose is either. I mean everyone says well at least he left a piece of him with you or you have to go on for your daughter and yes maybe I should look at the positive part of it that I still have our daughter but you know somedays I cant stop focusing on the negative part of having a child. I dont want to sound cruel about it and dont get me wrong I love my daughter but it is just so hard having to deal with the loss of your best friend and at the same time raise a child which is so overwhelming not just today I mean to raise a child for the rest of her life alone I just think how in the world am I going to do this. I always thought her father and I would face every obstacle of her life together from being a toddler, to becoming a teenager, hitting puberty, going to college and so on and together we would always decide whats best for her and now I am left to decide alone. I have so many days where I get so depressed and start to feel so bad for my daughter I start to think all kinds of things she will be missing out in life such as she will never know how it feels to have a dad or to have a sister or brother or to ever become someones aunt and have nieces and nephews and what if something happens to me she wont have any other sibling to grief with so then of course this adds more tears for me. I dont want my daughter to know me as the mother who always cried and I really try not to do it in front of her but sometimes it is really hard to control the tears and hold it back she always says to me "mommy dont cry" and if I am not crying she says "mommy crying" just because she is so used to seeing me this way. I do have some positive moments I thank God for blessing me with a child I thank Jack for giving me a beautiful daughter and then on my negative days I just keep asking why did you give me a child to raise by myself if you were going to leave me so soon and God if you knew your plan was to take her father away from her why did you bring her into this world. Yes some moments I can focus on my child and be gratful for having her and sometimes find strength because of her but I want you to know that even having a child is still not enough if you dont have your other half the love of your life. You still feel what is your purpose in this world and some can tell you its your child you still dont feel any purpose left you still feel that you died and left this world with your best friend and now you are just here for no reason at all.I always think my parents can raise my daughter she will be fine without me because the pain somedays is just to much to handle. So even if you did have a child with your spouse that child still can not fill that gap in your life and its so hard for you to fill that gap in their life to now become their mom and dad. Something I have been reminding myself though that God gave me a purpose in life before I became a wife and a mother and that purpose was me now I just have to learn how to find that purpose again. Rosemary, so just know you had a purpose in life before you became a wife and your purpose was you and now you just like me have to figure out how to believe that again in our hearts. You might not feel #1 to anyone but you really are that someone is yourself. Just remember always come here it helps there are alot of times I have nothing positive to say I just want to cry and scream and you will notice that from my postings I have put up but I know here there is always someone to listen and hopefully here you will start to feel like #1 again in your life and find your purpose but believe me you have a purpose dont give up on it just keep fighting to get there. Also remember something else even though you and your husband did not have a child to share together you still have years of happy memories and no one and nothing can take that away from you and try to find some comfort in that. Love always, Marlene

Carolyn, Are you serious? She really had the nerve to say that to you I think that is one of the rudiest things someone can say to you when you are going through something so terrible in your life. Dont take that advice from her and dont let her make you think you can not mourn in public. You cry and scream wherever you want to whoever you want and trust me you will find more people in this world that care and want to hear you even if they are strangers. One day I was sitting at a car dealership where Jack and I always took my car for service and 2 weeks after he passed away I had to take my car there for my brakes. As I was sitting in the waiting room watching others picking snacks the dealership had to offer such as cookies, fruits etc. I was sitting there crying I could not stop I just kept thinking how Jack and I use to pig out when we sat there waiting on my car and we would alwasy keep each other entertained and now I am sitting by myself in this dealership and I dont want to pig out. Well anyway this older couple sitting in the chairs behind me were making dinner plans and I had a gift certificate to a local restaurant in town and knew I was not going to be using this card anytime soon so I went up to them and asked them if they wanted it and the lady said to me "honey why are you giving away a gift card" I told her "I would not be using it" she said "you have to eat dinner" I told her "I lost my husband 2 weeks ago and I am not ready to eat dinner without him especially at a restaurant" so this lady and I talked the entire time of our wait and I cried to her the whole time to this stranger and she listened I was willing to talk to anyone who would listen and let me cry and at the end of our conversation this lady gave me her phone number and told me to call her anytime I needed to talk and cry. So my point is you are not looking for sympothy there is no right or wrong place and time to mourn the pain does not go away because you are in front of other people so cry cry cry whenever and wherever. If your sister in law has never experienced loss of a loved one then she really has no place to talk and give you advice. I am sorry to sound very forward about your sister in law it just really makes me mad when people say the rudiest and dumbiest things to others who are mourning and facing a tragic time in their life. I have personnal had my share with the dumbiest things people say I have been told "just pretend you were never married" or "dont worry you are young there are people your age who are not even married yet, its not too late for you, you will get married again". What oh my God is this really being said is all I kept thinking. What kind of advice is this so I never took it as advice I ignored it and never thought twice again about it. So Carolyn learn to ignore and accept whatever advice you want and definitely ignore her advice. Remember, cry wherever you want whenever you want and as long as you want you are hurting and you dont have to be ashamed of that. Love your friend, Marlene

C-C, I am sorry for you loss and I know exactly your pain. I lost my husband 3 months and 4 days ago he was 33. Believe me everything you are feeling is so normal I did not know that until I joined this wonderful group and noticed everything I am feeling and thinking everybody else has or is feeling and thinking the same things. Dont beat yourself up its okay to cry and feel sorry for yourself dont stop feeling pity for yourself you just lost your best friend it is so painful and you have to allow yourself time to accept life now without your heart. Only you will know how long it will be to accept your new life dont rush yourself to accept it, dont try to skip over it just be strong to go through it. I hope that makes sense. I tell myself that everyday I have to do this today this thing called life alone with a broken heart but at the end of the night I thank God he gave me strength to make it another day without Jack. C-C please keep coming back the people here are wonderful they start to feel like your new best friend I know it has helped me so much within just 2 weeks. I will keep you in my prayers. Love always, Marlene

Hey Deborah, Well I got through Friday it was the hardest day of my life it would have been 5 years of sharing my life with my soul mate but instead it was 3 months of living without my best friend the love of my life. It was not just a horrible day it was a horrible weekend. Natalee (my daughter) had a high temperature all weekend so here I was for the first time by myself having to take care of her sick on top of being depressed we sat at home all weekend did not leave besides to go to the doctor because I wanted her to rest and get better by Monday. Thank God she is doing better now but I just did not feel I was going to get through the weekend every minute felt like an hour and every hour felt like a day. All I kept saying was Jack please come home and help me with our daughter Please come home and make everything better for us in our lives but of course my wishes were not granted and never will be. This weekend made me decide to move I have to move out of our house I can not stay there I am just standing still there everything is still frozen in time. I just have to find courage to tell my in laws that they just lost their son 3 months ago and now I have decided to take their granddaughter far away from them and I feel so selfish having to do this but I really feel no choice anymore in my life. Sorry I am going on and on I have a tendency to do this often. Thank you Deborah for your post I am so glad I have joined this group I really feel you all have become my family and I can share anything I need to here.

Kayc, You are exactly right about everything you have said this is so exhausting it feels like a 24 hour job and with no pay at the end just continous pain that does not stop. Just like you the asking why and the silent air is all I get too but only if our questions can be answered would it be a little easier I dont know I dont think so but it seems that is the only thing that can be said when we are lost in this world without our best friend. I also miss being held by Jack it did feel so safe I always felt he would always protect me and I miss crying to him and he would always say to me "dont worry baby everything is going to be okay" and he was always right everything was always okay no matter how big the problem was. I just want to hear him tell me that again "dont worry baby eveything is going to be okay" it hurts so much not to hear it and not even to feel it. I look at your position now going on almost 3 years and I am just wondering how in the world am I going to make it 3 more years without Jack there is some part of me that wants to believe he is still coming home knowing its not possible I just have not accepted life without him yet the only thing I have learned to accept is how to get minute by minute without him just not the rest of my life. Kayc I just pray that all our lives will somehow someway work out and we all can one day understand the reasoning of why our lives turned out the way they did. I thank you so much for your post and all your helpful words and I just like you know within my heart that I will see Jack again and I cant wait for that day when he can hold me again and I can hear his voice and see his beautiful smile. For now we just need to all pull together and continue all to help each other move away from this dark cloud in our lives. Love always your friend Marlene

When I said I do on February 22, 2003 I would have never for a minute imagined not making it to my 5 year wedding anniversary without my husband. Jack and I celebrated our love on our honeymoon going on a cruise we had the time of our life and we always said we would take another cruise on our 5 year anniversary. Few months before the love of my life passed away he started to talk to me about planning our 5 year anniversary and booking a cruise. I just kept telling him we cant afford it right now he so badly wanted to go on a cruise but of course me being so selfish just kept saying no maybe our 10 year anniversary we just cant now. Maybe if we had booked that cruise it would have given Jack another reason to fight harder to stay with us. After he passed away his mother told me he was planning a surprise trip on a cruise for our 5 year anniversary. I am just sitting here thinking if Jack was still with me, then today we would be relaxing on a beautiful ship somewhere in the ocean celebrating the love we have for each other. Instead, I am sitting her alone with a puddle of tears not only because today would have been our 5 years but today also marks exactly 3 months that I have been without my best friend and now rather than being able to see my beautiful husband and hold him and love him I am going to visit him in a place he does not belong and lay flowers on a stone that identifies who he once was in this world A Loving Son, Husband and Father. UUUUHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHUUUUHHHHHHUUUUUUHHH. That is me screaming at the top of my lungs I feel so short of breath today I feel so tired just so tired and I feel everything is just so pointless I feel so weak and that I have lost my purpose in this world. Why even love if in the end it just hurts so much, why even be loved if it does not last forever. When I said I do I believed it would be eternity why did eternity end so soon why. UUUUHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHH. Me still screaming at the top of my lungs.Thank you for letting me scream I dont feel better but I still needed to do it. But thank you for listening and I really need help getting past today. Please just some word of confidence to reassure me that life will go on. Thanks so much. Love, Sad Sad Very Sad Marlene Below is Jack exactly 5 years ago the day we said "I do forever"

Regina, First off I want to say how sorry I am for your loss and for all the pain you are feeling. Second I would like to welcome you to this wonderful website I myself am a new member just joined a week ago and it has so far been the best help yet since I lost my husband almost 3 months ago. My husband also was young he was only 33 and we also have one daughter Natalee and right after Jack passed away I had to face all the first without him. First was his birthday, then Christmas, then New Years and of course the hardest of all Natalee's second birthday which I really did not feel I was going to make it through that day I felt that day was worse than the funeral and I think its because some of the shock had wore off. But I am here to tell you that you will get through it and know that your love is with you and even though we can not see them you have to open your heart and be able to feel them around. I know we hear it alot dont worry they are with you and he will never leave you but I did not believe it until I actually saw him and felt him there. It was the day before Natalee's birthday and I was having a hard time not ready to face her birthday without her dad I went to the cemetary to visit him and just kept asking him why, why cant you be there for her for us why just please come back and be with us. Well that night when I was laying in bed ready to go to sleep I got a text which read empty so when I closed my phone the light was still lit up and half the ceiling was lit up and the other half was dark and the line in the ceiling where seperated the dark from the light I saw Jacks face it was a shadow of his face and I believe he was there trying to tell me he will be with Natalee on her birthday. I then became a believer that they never leave us and things will just be different now and yes of course alot harder but we have to be strong for ourselves and our kids we have to take care of them just the way they would have been taken care of when our loved ones were alive. We have to be their mom and dad and now instead of giving your daughter one good night kiss and one good night hug at night give your daughter two kisses and two hugs and let her know its from her father because he really is kissing her and hugging her. You just have to believe things in life happen for a reason and even though we dont know the reasons or answers we have to live everyday so one day we can try to understand why life happens the way it does. I wish you all the best and please remember everyone here knows how you feel I have learned that and keep coming back. I know I will as long as I am in pain which feels like it will be forever. Love, Marlene

Lyn, I am also sorry for your loss and that you are having to go through this now also at such a young age. I feel nobody young or old should have to go through pain of losing the most special people in their lives. You are right though we ask why why is God doing this why has he deserted me it is then we is carrying us we just have to believe. I have learned now not to be mad at God because this is part of his plan but I just cant help but somedays to be so angry at Jack because you know I dont want to be angry with God so I feel I am only left to be mad at Jack and just feel he left us and everytime I am faced to do something he was once responsible for and I can not succeed at it I get so mad and just break down and ask "why did you leave me Jack why, I cant do this with out you, I cant do life without you". Then I look at our daughter and I realize I have to be strong I have to be our daughter can not know me as the weak mother and Jack cant see me as the weak wife that he knows I never was. As you see somedays I have faith but then somedays I feel my faith is being tested. I feel like I am on a rollercoaster of emotions I dont take my life day by day anymore I take it minute by minute. Now I cant wait for it to be 3 years or 5 years so I can be as strong as the rest of you here and believe everything will get better for me. Thank you for your post and again sorry for your loss. love, marlene

Lori, I am sorry for taking so long to get back with you I just have had a real hard time the past couple of weeks and I have been so lost with words. I am so so sorry for the loss of your husband and now your sister in law what a struggle right when you feel you are getting through one loss another hits you. You seem like a very strong and wise person though and I know you will be your brothers 100% support now and he will be yours and together the both of you will pull through this. Please I do not for one second feel your lecturing me just inspiring me to know that even though you dont know my husband and I dont know yours and nobody on this website knows my Jack we all know one thing and thats how everybody here feels and together we will all help each other through this. I am so grateful that I have met all the wonderful people here and I know on all my bad days my new friends here will listen as I vent will reassure me that tomorrow might be better. BTW you should if you have not yet tell your brother to join this group and expressing some of his emotions it has helped me so far. Thank you for all your advice and I hope one day I can help you just like you have helped me. With lots of love, Marlene

Kayc, Thank you for your posting and you are so right we just dont know. It goes back to the old saying "if we knew then what we know now" but that is life it is one big mystery why things happen the way they do. I am sorry for the loss of your husband and from the sounds of it you have found a positive in your life and I believe that one day I will have to find my positive. Yes this site is so wonderful I just wish I found it sooner I have been looking for months now. I come here everyday now and even if a certain posting is not directed right at me I feel the words others say here are very helpful. Like you said life is not the same anymore and now my new challenge in life is to find a little sunshine and sometimes I feel so bad because I feel like God is saying to me its right there in front of you your daughter she is your sunshine but why cant I see it that way. I just feel so tired and depressed to even want to care for myself let alone another one right now and I just cant look at her as my sunshine. I mean somedays she is my sunshine she is my stars she is my light and then others I just say why why am I by myself having to take care of her this is not fair what did I do to deserve such pain. But now that I have found this site I realize it is nothing we have done to be punished for it is just part of the plan we call life and though we dont know the full plan when we finally learn it we will understand it. Again thank you so much for your posting and all your positive words. I will carry it all with me. Marlene

Bob, Thank you for your response. Yes it was strep pneumonia but of course we thought it was your typically cold for 13 days (we waited so long because when my husband use to get colds he would have them for a while it was not the normal 3-5 day cold)and only took it very serious when he started having a hard time breathing. Believe me looking back now I see all the danger signs but I was so blind and just thought he was being a big baby and that is what makes the guilt so much harder because I did not take him more serious and as his wife I should have. Trust me my story can go on & on now that I have so lost Jack I have so many decisions to make and believe me it wont be long before I start asking everyone here for advice on those decisions as well. But again thank you and I hope all is well with you. Marlene

Karen, I am so sorry for the loss of your Jack too and if your Jack was anything like my Jack then he was a wonderful husband and it makes it that much more harder to be able to think of life forever without them. You are completely right pain of losing your spouse is pain no matter the age or length of the marriage. I pray that I can be as strong as you and be able to get through the next couple of hard years of my life. I read something very true from another posting that really hit home for me things dont get better they just get different. It is so true in so many ways the reason people always say it will get better in time is because they get different and we just learn to adjust to the different life but life can never be better without your heart and soul. I want to thank you so much for your advice and trust me I will come back here everyday I feel this is the only place others understand me & will never get tired of hearing me complain about how miserable life is. My family and friends were the ones who heard me at first but now I feel like in their own way they are telling me get over it he is gone we still have real life problems going on listen now to ours and I cant I feel helpless to the world. So thank you for reassuring me that no matter how long it has been people will always listen here. Your new friend Marlene

Suzanne, Thank you so much for your advice and your right it is the hardest thing I have faced in this life and I feel this website will be able to help me I have nothing to loose only to gain. So again thank you. Marlene

Derek, Thank you so much for welcoming me it is so nice to know that there is always someone there to listen even if I just need to vent on all my bad days. I am sorry to you as well for the loss of your wife and it is very reassuring to me to know if you were able to get through the dark tunnel of your life and were able to see the light at the end holding your sons hand that I myself will one day hopefully as well see the light and get past all the regrets that I face everyday. How is your son doing? Hopefully in time everything in life will work out for you and him and you both can understand what the plan of life is. As for me I just have to know how to be able to climb to the top of the mountain and look down and understand why things happen and turn out the way they do just like you have done and I commend you for being strong and getting past your first couple of years of hardship and even though I dont know how it has been for you the past 2 years I know that it was a hardship and continue to be strong and pray for strength. I will also keep you in my prayers. Marlene

Hello everybody. I am a new member just joined a couple of days ago and what caught my attention to this website is how wonderful, caring and supportive everyone is to each other despite their own situation. I will tell you all briefly about how perfect life was for me until a few months ago(I cant say it was perfect because in reality that is impossible to live a perfect life but where I am now in life and looking back it was perfect I just did not realize it). On February 22, 2003 I married my best friend, my soul mate and the one I would call mine forever. I was only 20 and yes to most I was a baby but to me it did not matter if I married my Jack at 20 or 30 it was going to happen one day so it was better to start living my dream life with him earlier than later. So anyway on January 25, 2006 God blessed us with a beautiful daughter that we called our miracle child because I was told I would never be able to have kids because of medical problems early in my childhood so after 2 years of praying I became pregnant and that was one of the best days of our life. Well to fast forward in my life on November 13, 2007 Jack was admitted into the hospital for Pneumonia and then on November 16, 2007 he was put on life support and then on November 22, 2007 Thanksgiving day at the age of 33 & with 24 days left to turn 34 he passed away. The worst day of my life and on February 22, 2008 (11 days) will be 3 months and would have been our 5 year anniversary. Yes I am a widow at 25 with one beautiful child and all I ask is why, why, why. Why did I not take him to the hospital sooner, why could we not celebrate our 5 years, why did Jack not stay to celebrate his daughters 2nd birthday, why did he not fight harder, why did he leave us alone in this world so weak and helpless without him, why did we not get to grow old together why why why. This world is not fair. How is a person so happy and content with life for such a short time but so miserable and lost for a lifetime why cant it be reversed. Now that I have lost Jack that is how I feel miserable and lost for the rest of my life and though I should be happy he gave me a beautiful piece of him to have for the rest of my life it is not enough I want him there with us just like it was and I cant get past it. I can not accept the way my life has become and I cant stop asking why. I am so sorry to all of you if I have bored you with my life story I just need help and I believe the best help is from a person that has experienced the same or similiar situtation not a person who has to read and study what to tell another person. I pray for all of you that are experiencing the same pain as I am and I pray I meet alot of new friends here. Thank you and again sorry for going on and on.