shauna marie

(((((Father's Daughter))))) My heart goes out to you. It's not an easy thing to deal with, for sure. And you have quite a bit on your plate. Regarding the hospital staff, if you really truly feel there was negligence, you could speak to a lawyer about it. I do know that sepsis, even diagnosed and treated immediately, is life-threatening; especially amongst those with weakened immune systems, babies, and elderly people. My guess would be that the doctors did everything that they could. I have 2 1/2 old son and a husband so I know I should devote my attention to them but what about my mom? What about YOU? Are you really in a position to take on the care of two other people, one of who is grieving herself and the other which has dementia, which is a 24-hour job in itself? My grandfather moved in with us and eventually got dementia. It contributed to the early deaths of my parents, for sure. It was a nightmare. Also, your mom might want to stay on her own, or might want to move to a senior's home. There, she could have a lot of people around her who are in the same boat as her. I think you should definitely talk to her, your husband, and give it time before making any hasty decisions. If you ultimately do decide to move her/them in, keep it all in check. If there are any unforseen problems, perhaps you could then make changes. I'm also pondering about the reason why we are here if we should live with a grief and sorrow for the rest of our lives. The death of a parent changes things, for sure. However, it doesn't mean that you have to spend the rest of your life in grief. Think about your husband and son. I would hope that was a joyous day for you and I am sure that he will bring you joy the rest of your life. I don't have kids myself, but I can see how our parents live on through us and kids. People leave, people come. I see my life as chapters of a book. Or adventures, even. It doesn't mean that I forget things, but things have different impacts on my life as I move on. Take care, Shauna

(((((leeann))))) Hair color has nothing to do with the grown-up part, actually. I think I was born grown-up. My mother always used to say that she has a mind of her own and it's true. I also was the fallback person. When my grandfather was in the hospital, it was me who had to go and spend the nights with her. When my other grandfather moved in with us and started having bad days, I had to stay home to take care of him. What I mean is that there was always someone to hoist the responsibility on. But what am I talking about? I still have two brothers and a godfather who like to baby me. And I do happen to like being babied by my godfather. (He and his wife are pretty much the only people that I ever ask help from and ONLY when absolutely needed.) Yeah, my uncle had white hair in his 20's. I have a friend back home who has been grey since his 20's, as well. I've no clue if I got the white/grey thing going on--thank god for Clairol. (Not that I would care if I did though.) Glad to hear that you do cry. I know it hurts and hurts bad. As you said, thank god for the memories.

(((((mariah))))) I think I should add to my post. The audience didn't know that the character was going to die. After he had his brain thingie, he woke up and was fine after surgery. He was going to even be let to go home in a few days. They didn't even show him dying. What they showed was him watching tv with his brother, his brother fell asleep and had a dream Nate was dead, and woke up to the machines showing that he had flatlined. There is quite a bit of humor in the show in itself. Of the say 50 funerals that are performed over the course, I'd say only 10 have no humor in them. It is tv and I mean that even some of the storylines amongst some of the characters can be funny. Also, there are only maybe about 10 scenes in the whole series that were really gross and disgusting. They managed to keep it all in check and keep the really horrific stuff away for the most part (in my opinion.) The show really is nothing like House or any of those shows. As I mentioned, I managed about five minutes of House and that was that. So I figured that I wouldn't last the first ten minutes of Six. I did though. It isn't anything about being brave, it's about handling what you can at the time. You might even be able to handle it, you won't know unless you try. (Not saying you should, just no need to praise me if you haven't tried it yerself.) Take care, Shauna

(((((leeann))))) I had to laugh about the bit of not playing tennis. That was like when I got Swimmer's Ear. I kind of looked at the doctor and said, "But I haven't been swimming?" Yeah, the pain in my back is now a cramp in my left hip. Kind of like a Charley's Horse (wherever do they come up with such names???), but kind of right where my leg is connected so it's bugging me. It doesn't hurt, per se, but it hurts. I am glad that I got the back pain though. I now realize that I can have the exact problems as my mother and not react the same way. The back pain really freaked me out, obviously. But I soon realized that there were many things that I could do about it. I wasn't able to clean, but I could have hired a cleaning person to come in. I couldn't walk, but there are wheelchairs. (I was thinking on a worst case scenario, btw. If you haven't noticed, I like to solve problems before I get them. ) But, those things won't be necessary for me. Can't say they wouldn't be options for you right now though. Sorry to hear that you've hurt yourself while cleaning. And yes, you'll live. I don't know about you, but sometimes I like the fact that my biggest problem of the day is a little body pain. I also kind of cried tonight while watching So You Think You Can Dance. It's the second last show of the year and it's just sad that it is the last time I'll see these guys. I started watching it somewhat the first year, but my mom was getting sicker so I kind of lost interest. I didn't watch seasons two or three, but started watching four about halfway in. I have to say I'm enjoying summer. There are days that I don't, but compared to last year? I wonder if I'm not ready to say goodbye to my mom. I wonder if that mourning period is over. It kind of makes me sad. But I know it's what she would want. I know she's happy to be with my dad and out of pain. The weather has been really nuts lately. Cloudy, then sunny, then pouring rain. Yesterday it started to rain. I went to the bathroom for two minutes, if that, and when I came out the sun was shining again. I think it's my mom sending me a message to get on with my life now. Sorry, totally babbling on and on. (Shocker.) But I think I'm getting my act together to some degree and getting a handle on things. And staying infection free. *crosses fingers*

(((((mariah))))) For the record, I can't do other tv shows, like House. I watched all of five minutes of House and that was that. It started to trigger me and I just avoid all of those types of shows since. I'm also in a place that I know that even if it was my brothers, it would be ok, eventually. I know that there are others who will be there for me and that my life would go on. Albeit, not the same, but differently. It's one reason why I choose to live away from my brothers and build up a network outside of my family. (((((leeann))))) Well, my other absolute favorite tv show is Degrassi. Not the new ones, the originals. When that series ended, it just ended. No nice bow, nothing. Just like they could have done another season and picked up the storylines from there. And they knew the show was going to end. I guess it's just Six Feet Under was filled with so much drama and crap through the whole series that it was just...horrible to do what they did. I guess in a sense though, it's really not much different than my own life. We did all go on, sort of end our series, to new beginnings filled with hope. I guess I didn't like the fifth season as much as the others. Well, it kind of started to go downhill in season three for me, season four wasn't so bad. I found that season five just completely went off the direction of the whole point of the show. I was ok after I posted and hit the stop button. Just brought back stuff that I didn't know was there. Thanks for including the link. Shauna

(((((leeann))))) Oh, do I ever understand. And I usually end up welling up and then try to sneak a moment to myself to cry a bit. Next time, don't just try to sneak a moment--just do it. Don't cry a little, cry a lot. Let it all out. This has nothing to do with maturity. Actually, I think it's a very mature thing to do. To realize that you are sad, that you miss your parents, and that you want them back. You are acknowleding their existence and the void that they left. You are saying to them and you--that they meant a whole lot to you and you miss them. One thing that I always say is that they were your parents for x amount of years and wanting them back isn't just going to go away in the blink of an eye. My grandmother, whose mother died at 75 years of age, still wants her mom back and I truly don't know if she even realizes that 31 years have passed. You talk to her and you might think they died last week. Take care of you. Shauna ***added*** You must have been replying at the same time as me. I think it's probably just life has changed and one gets tired of constantly adjusting... or something. Yep, that, too. When our parents were around, wasn't life so predictable? And wasn't it nice that no matter our age, they were still the grown-ups? Now we have to be and we're finding out it really isn't that much fun.

(((((marty))))) Thank you for your reply. Never thought to search the site for the answer, duh. But I don't think we have such things around here, never heard of it before. I guess that was one thing about the show--opened a whole world of different religions and how they deal with death and the different options to memorialize their loved ones.

Yep, I lost it. You have to understand, I almost NEVER cry about stuff like that, on tv. I've seen like almost every Friends episode and none of them made me cry, not the proposal episode, the wedding episode, or even the final episode. Oh, wait, I think I got a little choked up when Rachel was saying goodbye to everyone in the third last episode. But the episode was like almost losing my mom over again or something. I had a lump in my throat the whole time and tears did fall. And then the final episode, when Claire was saying goodbye to everyone...it was like, either when my brother went back after my mom's funeral or the day that I left home. The end of an era. Why, oh, why do they always have to wrap everything up in a neat little bow? Like the mother...her son hadn't been dead for a year, and she was actually smiling and not crying about moving on. Uhm...

I think I need clarification about your post. Do you say she's still here because it's uncomfortable for you to talk about? or Do you say it because you find it difficult to admit that you've lost your mom? That can be hard. I don't mean that you physically think she is still here, but it's hard to accept the fact that she's gone and hard to talk about her in the past. or Do you just almost "forget"? BTW, I do that, still after almost three years. I'll be shopping or waiting for the bus or something and think of something that I need to tell her and that I have to call her. Take care, what you experience, no matter the situation, it's normal. Shauna

I hope this isn't inappropriate. I've watched the whole series of Six Feet Under. Two of the deaths have resulted in the bodies being buried in nature. This is what the deceased had requested. No casket, nothing--just a hole in the ground. I hadn't heard of this. Is this something that is actually legal and done as a practice or was it just made up for the show? ***Added*** Also, something was mentioned about actually being able to buy plots in nature, to preserve it or something?

Thanks again for your replies. (((((mary))))) (((((leeann))))) Actually, I think, leeann, you're probably more right about the possibility of fibromyalgia than anything. I've wondered over the years if I have it. The one reason I won't get diagnosed or even see a doctor about it is because of my mom. I think that would be too painful for my brothers and myself. Though it's been almost three years, I still have nightmares to my mom crying. Not as frequent, thankfully. Back seems better. *crosses fingers* I finally found something that helps. The A-353 stuff that you rub on. If I put it on before I go to sleep, I wake up with little or no pain at all. I was using it, but not much. I also think I was putting too little on. Not sure why, but if I put it on any other part of my body it would immediately start burning. But if I put it over the sore spot, it would do nothing. So I started putting more on and then I started feeling pain from the heat. Man, that is horrible pain, too. Literally feels like my back is on fire. Finally starting to clean--some. I'm finally starting to lose a lot of the guilt. Sure, there are things that I think could have been done differently--but you know what? The reality is they just couldn't be. Oh, guilt over my parent's deaths. I'm not giving myself enough credit. I'm thinking that there's something that I could have done, but that would have meant changing the people that they were before I was even born and changing things that happened to them. I didn't cause it so I couldn't fix it. Trying to fix it would have probably had the same outcome in the end. In order for things to have been fixed, it would have meant changing a lot of things in their lives. Those things probably would have killed them and possibly taken away some of their pride. I can't explain this change and I don't know where it's coming from. Even my moods, which normally are so impossible for me to deal with, are getting better. I'm a lot more even, probably the most even I've been in a long time. Mind you, I'll probably write a post tomorrow with a completely different story.

deb, I'm sure she was watching you, too. I fully believe that parents NEVER leave their children, ever. They are always with you. Take care, Shauna

I've been watching the episodes of Six Feet Under. I never watched it when it was on, but am watching the dvd set. It's been ok. I haven't lost it for any episodes so far and I'm almost done with season five... But now I'm at the ninth episode, the one where Nate gets sick. He has a brain anurysm (I know it's spelled wrong, but trying to finish this so no time to look it up.) Just seeing the worry on his brother and sister's faces and I just lose it. I just keep thinking--what if it's me? What if it's my brothers? What will happen then? I worry about them. All the time. When I stay at my brother's, I often have to listen to make sure I hear him breathing. When my other brother gets on planes, I worry, too. Side note here--Since 2004, after my father died, there are three times that there has been a problem with the plane that my brother was on, but the problem was always discovered while it was still on the ground. I've JUST started this episode, and already am shaken. He's also my favorite character, which doesn't help matters either. The one thing I like about the show though, is that they usually show the characters being alive, coming back in dreams and stuff, after they've died. I just wish two things-- 1. It was more than five seasons. 2. They'd not killed Nate off.

Eh, back is not good again. Grr. At this point I am sure it's PMS. For some reason, I get aches and pains wherever in my body during it. Well, my whole body just becomes sensitive. It's when allergies act up, asthma is much worse (had to use my inhaler like three times already today, not usual), and I really, really taste food. I made some noodles before and could actually taste the water over the milk and noodles. Either that, or it's emotional pain coming out in the form of physical pain. I guess I have a long post ahead of me tomorrow. Need to get some stuff off my chest, just kind of scared, too. Shauna

(((((mary))))) Perhaps your daughter could encourage her friend to come to these boards? My situation is quite similar, actually. Only my father was never diagnosed. He'd been having heart problems for at least five weeks before he died. We ALL tried to get him to go to the doctor, but he refused. Hard as it was for the rest of my family to accept, he wanted what eventually happened to happen. He died peacefully, never having to go through the pain of having any surgeries or anything else. I truly think that would have killed us more, truth be told. He actually hadn't seen a doctor for like 18 years. That was the way he was. It comes down to the fact that he made the choice. There isn't anything that we could have done to change it. Her father may have felt guilt about not spending more time with his daughter. I truly believe that my father was able to help me more from heaven than on earth. She is mad that he didn't lose weight, quit smoking, quit working so hard. Honestly, if my father had had to change his eating (he wasn't overweight, but he ate unhealthily), quit smoking, and working so hard--he would have died anyway. He didn't think he was strong enough to have made all of those changes and still have a happy, productive life. My best to you all, Shauna

deb, Yes, it makes sense. I'd be surprised if none of us felt that way, actually. I have a question for you though. What would your mom have wanted? Would she have wanted you to go on or die with her? Fulfilling those wishes means you love her, not dying because she did. Sending you gentle thoughts and a (((((deb))))). Shauna

(((((mary linda))))) (((((leeann))))) Thank you both for your replies. I was tested for diabetes just the other week. It's normal. A high normal, but still normal. I'm 30. I haven't been tested with fibromyalgia and I honestly don't think I'd want to be. My mom had that...well, was diagnosed after she died, and I absolutely REFUSE to have any association with chronic pain. There's a reason why I get so freaked out with the infections and back pain. The infections leave me depressed and down, can't sleep, and only one way to deal with them and that's by abusing medications. The back pain is because of my mother. I cannot tell you how many doctors she seen over it and I know it just completely tore me apart that she wouldn't take their advice and would just go back to the ER complaining of the pain without trying anything. I mentioned my back to two doctors, complained about it to two pharmacists. That isn't me. I prefer to keep my pain quiet. I should mention, but forgot to, that the second round of infections came about just after I had my meds upped. The good news is this--now that I'm infection free (for now), I can see how the upper dosage of my Effexor is making a big difference. One thing is that I was often called stupid, dumb, or retarded by more than one person. It got to the point where even last year I was thinking I should be living in a group home for people who are, excuse me for saying this wrong--feel free to correct me with the right term--mentally challenged and should be working at a place with them. It took months and I mean MONTHS to get me out of that mindset. I finally realized that there IS a difference between me and them. I can grow, where most of them are probably at their highest level of achievement. Sure, I don't always know the "right" way to act. And I have a question...anyone want to go dancing? That's right, I think I can dance now. My back is pretty much better. If I had to rate it from even this morning, it would have gotten about a 100 on a scale of 1-10, ten being the highest. Now it's about a 3. A little uncomfortable--but that's ok. It's so true how much you use your back. Heck, I couldn't even turn my head at some points. leeann...Yeah, it's good that I have a friend. But you want to know something? This is how I imagined falling in love. Not with someone who I went out with not knowing anything about them, but someone that I know stuff about. Someone that I have a solid foundation with already. And I guess right now wouldn't be the best time to become involved. Not with the three year mark coming up before I know it. I do have to say that I'm handling summer better now. Thank you both again for your replies. I sometimes feel so alone, now, mind you, that is pretty much brought on by myself. I don't like to air my dirty laundry to people in real life. Too afraid of rejection. But I've more or less been having problems connecting with others. So thanks again.

Well, the dreaded yeast infection has made its appearance. I am actually rather confused as to why I keep getting so many infections. Sure, I've had tooth infections, yeast infections (just one, I think), and a bladder infection (again, just one) over the course of my life, but NEVER this many. I know this isn't anything any of you can help with, even my own doctor and pharmacists don't think there's a connection. It's since I've started on my new medications for my bipolar that I started getting so sick. I've been on many, many different antibiotics for tooth infections over the year and NEVER had one cause a yeast infection. It's also never taken three antibiotics to kill a bladder infection either. But here is a rundown from the last few months-- December 17th, started new meds. February--Got sick with first bladder infection. Those meds didn't work, had to be placed on another. Was given the clear that my bladder infection was gone. It came back three days later, if that. Then had a nasty tooth infection. Then ended up with yeast infection. Then things were fine for a bit. Middle of June, went to doctor because my teeth were starting to bother me again. Was getting a lot of pain, was put on anti's. Two weeks later, tooth pain returned, went back on anti's. (Neither time was an infection though, just horrific pain with PMS.) Yeast infection number two showed up the middle of the month. A week later, Swimmer's Ear popped up. A week after that, had bladder infection and then tooth infection. And now back to yeast infection number three. I've had blood tests. Physically, there's nothing wrong with me. I still live in the same apartment I've lived in for two years almost. I'm not doing anything differently...except for the medications. Yet, because all of the infections aren't ones that can just be picked up by a virus, it can't really be blamed by a bad immune system. Unless the medications are lowering my immune system and therefore the germs are finding it easier to attack. There has to be a connection somewhere. Just no one can seem to find it.

allalone, Just a quick note. I don't go to church myself anymore. It's simply too hard and too full of memories of my mom. I am not sure if that is why you don't, but go easy on yourself. It's not an easy thing to deal with. You just have to take each day one step at a time. Shauna

I'm not really sure what to title this post. What items do you have, EXCLUDING items that were left by loved ones, that remind you of loved ones? I have angels for my mom. I have an angel that sits on top of my Christmas tree. I have an angel that is a Christmas tree decoration that is for September. I have two that are playing musical instruments (again, for the Christmas tree.) I have two of those ones because a friend of mine lost his mom only 362 days before me and both our moms loved music. (We're so connected that I couldn't leave his mommy out of my tree.) I also have a September angel that sits on my computer tower. I got her in Florida. Off topic question--now, my mom was born and died in September. My father was born in December, but died in January. So if I was to buy angel items for him, which one would I use? The mother he was born or the month he became an angel? For my dad I have little Boyd's Bears that are also Nascar dudes. I'm not sure if they are wearing just Nascar shirts or what, they are Christmas ornaments, too. (Can't remember, I mean.) My father LOVED his Nascar. Oddly, I LOVE teddy bears. So finding them was a real find. I suppose I should probably find some little Nascar dudes to put in my apartment and maybe set up a little memorial table for them. Yes, that's something that I want to do. I'll have to wait until fall. My table is being used by my fan right now. I do have a problem of the day. I cannot get one of the songs from, "My Friends Tigger and Pooh" out of my head.

(((((mary))))) I know it isn't one from heaven, but decided to do the third best and give you a cyber one. I can tell you that no matter how awful you think you may have been as a parent, the WORST parent is a dead one. Reason being that all other problems can be solved and fixed. If there is a broken relationship, you can take steps to resolve the issues. Also, I doubt your girls would have sent you away on a vacation if they really felt you were a horrible mother. I'm sorry that others have said some hurtful comments to you. One thing you have to realize is that others simply do not understand. I took some heat for not crying at my father's funeral. I didn't defend myself simply because I knew he wanted to die and now he was at peace. I just couldn't begin to explain that to anyone because unless they were me, they wouldn't understand. You are on your own journey and only you can decide the next place you need to go. Anyone who thinks that they know more than the person involved is just being an idiot. I should also mention that a lot of "friendships" were very strained as a result of my parents deaths. Do you feel up to discussing some of those comments with us? Perhaps one of us can shed some light into it for you. Now to the, "were you a good wife" question. I cannot answer that. Only you can. You need to look deep into your soul and ask yourself what you might have done that would make you a "bad" wife. I wouldn't assume that you are bringing everyone down by talking. Personally, I wouldn't. I'd just want you to at least have some peaceful days and know that you aren't alone. Do you have a friend who is like that? Have you also looked into possibly a support group or therapy? I also want to remind you of one thing. Grief can be a very hard process to deal with. Like I told my mother, you were with my father for 38 years, it will take time to deal with it. Heck, my mom died almost three years ago and only now am I beginning to be de-iced. This is the first summer since 2004 that I've actually DONE stuff. I still have my days, but at least I'm finally not just waiting for September to be over with. Take care, Shauna I just read your posts and would like to ammend something from my previous post--you sound like you were a beautiful, wonderful wife and I bet he was thankful every day you came into his life.

Good job on doing the laundry. Ok, good news is, the anti's seem to have been working. The other good news is that summer seems to be hurting just a little bit less. The bad news is my back. It has gotten considerably worse. I can barely move from room to room now. It hurts all the time, sleeping, walking, sitting. Getting up has become a chore I'm not looking forward to. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is touching the pain. It could be PMS. For some reason, that's why I become more sensitive. It is when I get severe pain that nothing can touch. Usually it's my mouth, but it's all in my back. I'm hoping it's that. The woman who seemed to be chasing me for a job has stopped. It really is ok, the job was a cleaning one that I don't think I could have done. But I wish I could find a job. I'm sick of not working. I also have a worry that if I don't find a job in my area, I'll be forced to move away. There's one other thing that I would like to talk about. There's a guy in town that I've been sort of chasing for about six months now. He's a cab driver. Now, I'm not crazy about it (I don't think.) He seems to sort of be interested in me. He is just a really nice guy. We seem to sort of share each other during our short cab rides. He knows about bwankie. lol I have a Pooh blanket that I am absolutely attached to. I don't share bwankie with most though, too afraid of being made fun of. He knows I love Pooh. He knows I am a sook and he knows that I missed my godfather when he was away. He actually knows me better than most. He's also seen me at my worst and at my best. The problem? There are times I can't talk to him. (Trust me, it was a LONG time before he was able to break the ice to begin with.) There are times that I can't even look at him. I see him driving in town and can't even wave half the time. I know, I can't completely de-ice myself since I know that I could be rejected and he's such a great guy that I would be hurt and feel stupid for thinking that we could have something when he really wasn't interested. He has a job, doesn't lie, he does have a daughter that I know he takes responsibility for (and even her mother, though I don't think he really likes much anymore lol), doesn't have a million tattoos, has the cutest curly hair that is of one length and is kept neat, doesn't wear tank tops, and can spell. And seems to be interested in me...or just acts it. I haven't told him about my mother yet. One reason, I don't want to scare him away. I don't want to tell him about how I lost both parents in less than two years and I don't really want to tell him about how I really deal at times. However, he is the first person that I've cared about since I lost my mom. He's the first piece of hope I have that there is one good thing to losing my mom. Ironically, he isn't from here either. And he moved here because his father's family is around here. (Same reason I moved here.) Wow, I don't know the whole point of any of this. Ok, I think it's nappie time. Hopefully my back will work itself out. I doubt it though. I did start to go through withdrawal from my meds and that only seems to happen during PMS. I forgot to take them yesterday and my body was screaming this morning. Sometimes taking those helps pain. Shauna

Well, Pooh must have worked 'cuz I ended up going out of my apartment three times today. I also met my goal of doing laundry and beat it by cleaning my bathroom. *does the clean bathroom happy dance* Now I think it's getting close to bedtime. Oh, and I finished my book and started another one. Now I think I need to beat my goal again and get a shower. Not sure, I might not bother because I'm just going to have to get one again in the morning. And I think my anti's just might work. *crosses fingers* Shauna

Walt, I've never been married and so have never lost a spouse so I can't say that I "understand". I understand your questions perfectly, they go through my mind constantly and I'm always left with no answers. As Joe said, questions 1 and 2 have no answers. Actually, I should say there are no satisfactory answers. Question 3...It's a long, long story, but my mother wanted to be taken to the hospital the day she died. (She had a very long history of that, even faking things to get an ambulance sent to the house.) I steadfastly refused and went to work. (If you check my history, one of the first posts dealt with this issue if you need more information as to how she was acting at the time.) She died later that day. Of course, I berated myself for not taking her to the hospital that day. However, the bottom line is that by doing so, would have only prolonged MY suffering. She wasn't going to get any better, never. It was very difficult to watch her. Is it possible that the same applies to you? By her going through other treatments, after being told it was uncurable, what are the chances that she would have beat it? Question 4...If not spending 24 hours a day with her was normal, then obviously spending 24 hours would be abnormal. You might have had to face the truth--which is a danged hard thing to admit. (This is also my explaination for question 5.) Also, the day that I admitted honestly to myself that my mom wasn't going to make it, was the day she died. I'm thankful she was able to hang on long enough for me to come to that conclusion. Question 6...If she's "gone"...then why are you posting about her? Why do you look at certain things, hear certain songs, look at stores and automatically think of her? She isn't gone. Perhaps in body, yes. My theory with my parents dying is that they could do more for me in heaven than on earth. I've had about a zillion strange things happen since they've died. Perhaps it isn't them, but there's just too many for it NOT to be them. Question 7...I really have no answer to that yet. I think that's something that you yourself have to contend with in your own way. Take care, Shauna

ty for your reply, Leann. (((((hugs))))) Bad news is my tooth infection just isn't getting any better and I fear I may need a stronger antibiotic. I have, however, started to set small daily goals for myself, even though I'm not feeling well. Today is to do my laundry. Good thing "My Friends Tigger and Pooh" is on in a minute. I need a pick-me-up.