AB3 Posted January 7, 2017 Report Share Posted January 7, 2017 Grief changes you in ways that no one who has ever truly experienced it can understand. I look in the mirror and I don't know who I see but I know who I saw....him (my fiance). I don't know who I am without him. Everyone expects me to be who I use to be.....even talk to me like I'm the old me....like I didn't just lose the biggest part of me. The only ones who could relate are those who've also lost their soulmates..... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdownes Posted January 7, 2017 Report Share Posted January 7, 2017 AB3 yes you are right unless you have lost your other half you would not and could not understand this pain it is a pain I would not wish on anyone, people have good intentions but they don't understand completely, they alot of times don't know how or what to say maybe they feel if they talk to you like the person you were everything will go back or feel like it used to be unfortunately we have been touched by death in a way that has changed us forever, we lost our other half the person who made us complete, the person who made us happy and gave us purpose, we will never be the same. All we can do is learn to live our lives now as best we can, to hopefully find meaning to ours lives again while holding onto their love, I am slowly trying to find my way somedays are harder than others but for me I know I will always be Kevin's wife no matter what this new life holds for me one day my smiles will outway my tears again and I will do it with his help because he lives in my heart and soul still, it will be a long hard road but we can find meaning in our lives again hugs 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 7, 2017 Report Share Posted January 7, 2017 AB I hope I don't offend you by saying that I am proud of you. On the surface it's hard to imagine an improved grieving process would be something to be proud or happy about. But I do see an improved tone (or demeaner?-I'm not sure what label to put on it) in the above post of yours. Maybe it's just a resigned acceptance of what you come to terms with, but that alone is an accomplishment with a death that is still as new and fresh as yours still is. You're only at the tail end of your first month. The unfortunate fact is that you are still going to have bad days. But take heart in the fact that you are exhibiting the fact that you do have the inner strength that have needed and will continue to need to take you through this. Godspeed on this journey, AB. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 7, 2017 Report Share Posted January 7, 2017 10 hours ago, AB3 said: Everyone expects me to be who I use to be We are never the same again. Those people are ignorant of grief, I'm sorry. At the moment of death we don't know who we are anymore because our whole world just spun out of control and our lives are upside down. We literally have to re-create ourselves and our existence. Yes we are the same person physically, we have the same name, same memories, but it seems to end there. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AB3 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 7, 2017 7 hours ago, olemisfit said: AB I hope I don't offend you by saying that I am proud of you. No offense taken at all. I can see how it seems that I'm making progress. In a way I am as I'm starting to accept that he's really gone and that I will never be the same no matter how much I try. Kind of been "faking it" through everything if you know what I mean.... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AB3 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 7, 2017 2 hours ago, kayc said: Yes we are the same person physically, we have the same name, same memories, but it seems to end there. Exactly Kayc 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 AB3. You are so right! None of us is the same as we were before our most beloved mate died. There is much to this grief and it takes whatever time it takes. This group has helped me immensely to recognize the grief and learn to live with it. MartyT has some great tools and your willingness to share and express your grief here will help you in ways you will not be fully aware. You will need to find what works for you and the tools that will help you. Just allow what every pain, feeling, anxiety, etc.. to flow. I had to relearn how to breath, sleep, eat, and take care of myself. My expectations of where I think I should be caused me some problems early on. Death just sucks. We have no control over it no matter what we try to do, rethink, plan, or even blame our self. Some days just waking up and getting out of bed is an accomplishment. Please, go easier on yourself. I still can only deal with life one day and at times, only one moment at a time. Your grief is another expression of your deep love for your mate. - Shalom, George 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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