Trying Day

[Gin]

Marge,

I also want a special antidepressant.   One that comes alive and never leaves.

[Gwenivere]

45 minutes ago, Widowedbysuicide said:

Gwen you say the 'happy happy joy joy' holidays I just tolerate now.

its an odd feeling.  I haven't emotionally crashed, but I feel like I am done.  Done with the world.  Back to that 'why am I even here anymore' mode.  I've been waiting and looking for meaning or purpose for 27 months now and nada.  This really feels like slow torture.  I really can't think of any other words.  Tonight will be another like so many.  Alone

I wish I could think, wonder what that's like...  I know what it's like and I wish neither of us has this knowledge.  

I wish we didn't either, Marita.   I know what you are feeling as I am at 27 months also and feel done with so many things.  It is torture and we are alone. It's that we had someone that loved us above anyone else and we them and now who worries if we are late, sick, sad?  I'd say who loves when we are happy and laughing, but I don't do that anymore.  As for why we are even here, I have yet to figure that out.  But I wake up every day wondering.  I guess my path is taking longer to find at least contentment with only memories left.

[Gwenivere]

Marg, I would give anything for that kind of antidepressant.  The side effects would be great!   None of the litany of horrid things that could happen like in the drug commercials.