Nightmares

[Paul S]

Sometime last week I had a nightmare about a certain evil sibling. (The othyr syde in the rift in my family after Mom's death.)

It went something like this: My Mom was still alive, but apparently knew she was not for long. She started disbursing some items from the house to me and my siblings and her grandkids.

Someone had seen a teddy bear (yes, a teddy bear, specifically "Smokey the Bear") that was mine as a kid. I didn't pay close attention to it and said "Just toss it in the box." I had a box of misc items to take away.

After a fashion I became curious as to some commotion in another room. My evil sibling was playing with (showing off as a trophy) a certain stuffed animal. It was my bear, I think. (OK. This may not sound like much of a mightmare so far, but it gets better. Well, you know. )

I went back to the box of misc items and couldn't really see the bear in there. It was somehow obscured, as if in a fog. I went back to the other room where the commotion was and demanded to see the bear. The evil sibling refused. Kept hiding it and tormenting me with taunts about what plans were being concocted for Smokey.

I went back to the box, and was able to see the bear there more clearly. Finally some clarity as to what I saw there versus what was going to be tortured in the other room! It wasn't my Smokey after all, like I had thought!!! It was some sick and twisted Satanic makeover of Smokey the Bear, with black duct tape for a nose and metal spikes for arms and ...ewwww. (OK, this dream was about 4-5 days ago, and it seemed really bad then. I did wake up screaming and sweating. Maybe any humor is just a defusing of the horror.)

Anyway, I stormed back into the other room and confronted the sibling.

"Gimme the Bear!!! That bear in there is NOT my bear!!! Where is the real Smokey!!!!????? When did you do the switch???"

"Never!!! HAWHAW!!! The bear is mine!!! You can't have it and I'm gonna do really hideous things to it!!! Just because I hate you!!!!"

"No!!!! GIVE ME THE BEAR!!!!" I tried to wrestle it out of the siblings hands but was seemingly prevented from doing so by an unknown force. The Bear was now very much my beloved, from childhood, Smokey the Bear. I had no ability. The sibling rejoiced in the apparent victory.

In full fury I started screaming (and this is where I woke up):

"YOU'RE ENJOYING THIS, YOU *****!!!! YOU JUST LOVE THIS CONTROL DON'T YOU!?!?!?!?!?!" I threw in a few expletives and then awakened.

This dream has some roots in reality. After Mom died said evil sibling and daughter were rummaging around Mom's bedroom. My niece found my old Smokey the Bear, complete with plastic Ranger Hat. I lunged after it hungrily, as if she was giving me a supermodel to play with. After all, I hadn't seen Smokey in maybe 30+ years. He's now perched on top of the bookshelf where my grief and bereavement books, and AA library, is kept. He's hugging a smaller bear that I picked up at a grief support group. (When you attend this grief support group for the first time, you are entitled to take a stuffed animal home. I didn't really want to, being a guy, but everyone else was, and...OK, I didn't want to be different! It was peer pressure!! Really!! )

I do hope the apparent injection of humor didn't spoil this telling. (Humor? What humor? He was funny???) The nightmare DID happen, essentially as I related it. It just seems a bit ridiculous upon reflection. I mean, c'mon, a nightmare about a stuffed animal?

Anyway, Maylissa made me tell it.

[shell]

Paul S.,

You ARE humorous! Never doubt that!

I can see how scary the dream would be. I have had so many weird, terrifying dreams that made little or no sense and would sound tame if I retold them, but were so scary. I'm just glad to know Smokey is with you! And it's nice that he has another little bear to hug, so you can say you took the bear home for him. See, your "manhood" is intact!

Hope you have peaceful, serene dreams tonight,

Shell

[pennylayne]

I think nightmares are something we live with-and especially after losing someone close to us. I've had night terrors since I was a little kid-and I still wake up screaming often. I don't remember them all-but I know I've been scared by a dream-wake up anxious and breathing hard. I don't know if mine will ever go away-but if your not use to them-they can be very very scarey. I'm sorry for the terror you had. I'm glad Smokey is with you-that's a good thing.

Edited March 28, 2006 by pennylayne

[Maylissa]

Paulski,

Oh, where to start?.....I think at the end....it's just so very gratifying to know I have such POWER! , and maybe even

So even though I was snorting and guffawing and hoo-hawing ( which I'm sure you'll be pleased to know I do every single time I reread this particular post - sorry, can't help it - you're....so....fonny....), I can actually see how scary and upsetting your nightmare would have been whilst 'in' it. "Ewwwww" pretty much was my reaction, too, to poor little Smokey's transmorgrification....very creepy! And as for your evil sister's co-starring role...it's not so far from reality, is it? I blame you not in the least bit for the primal cursing upon awakening. This is obviously one of those dreams designed to ( somehow ) help resolve, or at least release, those charged-up emotions still held inside after such betrayals.

I know I said that I'd had a similarly upsetting dream about my own swindler-of-a-brother, but ( please don't hit me ) after reading about your nightmare, I actually somehow managed to forget most of the details of my own! Oops! But I do remember that, like yours, it was echoing what's been going on, at least in my own head, of late. Generally, my brother was getting all sorts of considerations and commiserations, in my dream scenario, from our Mother, who I've been so angry with lately for still 'feeling sorry' for him, as per my recent medium-led communication with her. So I remember being totally incensed with the both of them in this dream, also resorting to expletives myself - they were probably much more inspired and creative than they might have been in waking life, so it's too bad my memory failed me again! The nightmarish part about this dream was simply that, despite even in the dream still feeling split as to whether this reading with my Mom was true or not, my Mom DID support my brother, confirming not only the whole reading but that that IS indeed how she feels about him after all...and I was absolutely stunned and horrified about this...you know like when your face kinda goes numb with shock? And the details did have something to do with him taking things that didn't belong to him, too. So the uncanniness continues - now we're even dreaming alike! ( God help us both? )

I don't know....just as we seem to share some indefinable link, do you think, on another unseen level, our 2 siblings are part of some kind of evil soul-group or something, sending us these disturbances during our 'rest' time?...."And this morning, 6a.m. Eastern, 8a.m. Mountain, "Trophy Hunters", featuring the zany avarice of those 2 hellions and siblings-gone-bad, Paul and Maylissa's kinfolk! Mwaah-hah-hah-HAH!" Hey, I wouldn't put it past them.

[shubom]

LOL I laughed too when I read it. But I know what you mean about the nightmares. I've had a few myself. My sibling and I are pretty close, but after my mom's death, we started arguing and bickering about all sorts of things. To add to it, my friends weren't being supportive, which pissed me off even more. They let me down when my dad died, and again when my mom died. So I severed the ties. Well I had a dream one night, that my sibling and I, and those friends were all hanging out. Something happened, and all of a sudden they gathered around me and started attacking me verbally. They were provoking me to start a fight with my sibling. I got so angry and screamed at them to leave me alone! But they wouldn't! Next thing I know, I started yelling at my sibling and chasing her, and when I caught her, I hit her so hard she fell to the floor. I looked at her, then screamed, "What have I done?!" Next thing I know, she gets up, and I think she's going to hit me back, but instead she runs to me, crying and telling me how sorry she was. I was shocked and stunned, that I woke up crying and confused! I just couldn't believe how angry I got and how the emotions seemed so real when I hit her.

This morning as I was waking up, I thought of my mom, and for a split second between the sleep state and the awake state, I saw her physically in my mind, clear as day. It scared me that I jumped up. It was so weird. I heard that if you are fully aware in your dreams, you can control them and make things appear. I don't know.

Dreams are definitely a mystery.

I think the dream you had about your sibling taking your Teddy Bears comes from all the emotions that you are going through in your current situation. But I'm not sure why your Teddy Bear appeared defective. Poor Teddy....LOL

Ya, dreams are a mystery.

[Maylissa]

Shubom,

" I heard that if you are fully aware in your dreams, you can control them and make things appear. "

Funny you should mention that. Many moons ago I read most of the Carlos Castaneda series of books ( about the unseen but supposedly real other realms of existence around us, where he becomes a "warrior" under the direction of Don Juan, his mentor ). One of his exercises was to look at his hand while dreaming, as part of gaining control and mastery over his entire being. I've tried to do this myself on a number of occasions, but so far have always been disappointed. However, I did have a few dreams, especially since my Mother died, where I was actually able to control the direction, and some of the actions of others!! It was extremely gratifying and empowering because in each of these I managed to turn what had started out feeling nightmarish into something more like just a regular, run-of-the-mill dream. Even IN the dream I calmed down, as things went my way. And even more strangely, while dreaming, I actually knew I was dreaming and when I exerted this control over events, I was aware of what I was doing, aware that I was 'testing it out', and felt that relief and exhuberance of the successful experiment during the dream.

Maybe what Paulski needs to do is have his dream again, but use 'The Force' to get ahold of his sister's favourite childhood comfy and use it as leverage! ( I know that's what I did, in waking life, the last time my evil brother held mine hostage! It was tit for tat and he never stole my 'pillow' ever again! )

Likewise, if you sense your mom again in that particular state, or even during deep sleep, you could try to remember to guide things the way you'd like them to go. And BTW, it was just after that almost-awake state ( I actually had already just woken up ) that I felt my fur-boy tromp my hair a few days after his transition. Apparently, we're most open during those states and so can be more aware of these other realms/planes, in order to communicate. It was a feeling and experience I'll never forget, that's for sure! ( I'd detailed this somewhere in the Loss of Pet forum a few months ago )

[Paul S]

Maylissa and shubom:

I think the dream's message is that my sister is under the influence of Satan. He does exist and is NOT a medieval superstition. It does explain her attitude, but admittedly I could be pushing that line of reasoning a little.

pennylane:

I don't have nightmares too much, sometime mostly just bad and disturbing dreams, but rarely do I wake myself up with one.

I also moved Smokey and his little buddy. To another bookshelf where they're sitting on top of some gardening books, mostly my Mom's, but a few mine. The books were in danger of slipping off the back (my apt floor is, um, a little curved you might say) so the bears are pulling guard duty.

[shubom]

Maylissa,

I agree with you. That's cool that you were able to control and manipulate your dreams. I'm trying to do that, but it's really hard. I've read lots of books on controlling dreams and Astral Travel to the other realms that you are talking about. I find it fascinating but at the same time difficult to do. Usually in my dreams, when something out of the ordinary happens, I just note it, and then move on with the dream. I may say, "Gee that's strange". But then it's like "oh well" and keep dreaming. LOL For example, there's this little kid that keeps popping up in my dreams. I don't know who he is, but at the same time, when I'm dreaming I never really ask him? So who is he? I'd like to know. I've read if you want to be "Aware" in your dreams,

you have to practice 'Awareness" throughout your daily life. You have to

constantly "live in the moment". Meditation helps too, but that is something hard to do. But I'm trying, because I want to be able to control my dreams also ! I heard it's much fun ! Thanks for the advice, next time I'm in that state, I'll try to become aware that I'm dreaming. I'll try to control it,

instead of waking up in fear at the realness of it! LOL That's interesting you felt your fur-boy tromp your hair. That had to feel really great ! That transition state is the key. I remember when I was younger, and even recently, as I was in that transition state/almost waking up, I heard my name being called. It was so subtle and low, but it woke me completely up. A few days ago, I thought it was maybe my mom, but I don't know. Someone told me it was maybe my EGO. LOL ! My ego calling my own name? Hmm...?!

Ya, I'd love to read your post in the Pet Forum about your experience!

Paul,

That was definitely a weird twisted dream you had about your Teddy. LOL It could have been influenced by evil forces.

Next time try to control your dream and get Teddy back !!!

[Paul S]

hi shubom

you said:

"Paul,

That was definitely a weird twisted dream you had about your Teddy. LOL It could have been influenced by evil forces.

Next time try to control your dream and get Teddy back !!!"

But I did, in real life! I think Maylissa suggested something similar, that in a dream I try to not just get Smokey back, but try to take something comfy to my sister from her own chaildhood. Unfortunately, her favorite thing to do was beat up our older brother.

Take care.

[Guest Guest]

I had a f2f grief counseling session yesterday and the period was taken up mostly with the nightmare I related above.

The counselor was all over it! He feels that the teddy bear was symbolic of a transitional phase that we all go thru. When we are kids, stuffed animals are quite often the first things we transfer love and affection to beyond our parents. (Although I never really developed too much the Teddy Bear attachment thing. There were stuffed animals, I think around, but its all sorta fuzzy. Um, no pun intended.)

When my Mom died, I was denied a 'transitional' phase of mourning due to the speed and timing at which my evil sibling swooped in and took over the house and started throwing Mom's things out. (In her defense, the stuff was admittedly things that should have been tossed out years b4, Ma was a bit of a packrat, but still, she could have waited.) I never had the chance to mourn Mom's death in a familiar setting (the house unchanged) for any length of time. It was something that had been taken from me and not returned, just like the bear was in my dream. Not to forget that in the dream, it was Mom's things that were being given out, although with her present.

The fact that in the dream the sib was taunting me and tormenting me was reflective of reality, inasmuch as I was tormented by the destruction of things, my sis's attitude and overall insensitivity to my feelings can be likened to taunting.

Even the fact that in the dream there was a box to contain miscellaneous items for me was somewhat important, in part that it was where the bear was placed and later exchanged for Satanic Makeover Teddy. I reality, there was a box (a shoebox) for misc stuff to be put in. I'm not sure if I mentioned it in the "Mom died and Family fracturing" topic over in "Loss of Parent..." section (or anywhere else) but there was a wierd situation in December when my sis and bro-n-law wer sorting out kitchen stuff. I had found an old saucer that had an identical design to a dinner plate I used as a kid until it broke. It was a fruit design, not that it matters. I just liked it. Anyway, I asked if I could take it. Sure, no problem. So I put the saucer in the misc- item-shoebox. A while later I was in that cupboard looking for a coffee mug when I saw it back.

"Curious," methinks, "I don't recall there being two."

So I take it to the shoebox and see that there wasn't any saucer there.

"OK...."

Later on, I'm in that cupboard again (looking for another coffee mug. I drink lots of coffee. Hey, one of my favorite saints is St. Juan Valdez, Patron of Coffee Bean Pickers.) and the dang saucer is back.

"Hmmph..."

I don't recall exactly, but I think I took the saucer and the whole shtinkin' shoebox up to my bedroom, where no one ever goes.

This really ticked me off, this passive-aggressive head game. I never said anything, nor did she. This was around the time (either the same day or day after) that she goaded me into giving 30 days notice to get outta the house.

Recently, before the nightmare, I had been thinking that she wasn't being mean, but just playing a game of sorts to melt the ice.

"Naaahhh..."

I dunno. A good session, and I heartily, wholly suggest that anyone here who's grieving find a hospice or other bereavement center and get f2f counseling. It's free!

[Paul S]

Not that it matters, but the previous guest is me. I forgot to login.

(OK Maylissa, get the jokes over with )

[Maylissa]

Yes, I guessed that you were the guest. With my hole-ier-than-thou memory, I don't think I dare jest about yours!

I think you're lucky to have a good counselor there. I did try one-on-one at the hospital where they later held the grief group, but not only did they limit the private sessions to a grand total of 4, but the guy I saw wasn't very good at all, so it was of very little help. He couldn't wait to shuffle me off to a group instead....which was a dismal failure for me. Here, I guess you only get what you pay for.

Thankfully they're in the past now, but I also was having similar-situation disturbing dreams, for months after my Mom and bro died, except they were really obviously connected to what had gone on. Pretty much the same scenario every time.....I'm in my parents' house, Mom's invisibly in the background, whether in spirit or physical form, giving me her full permission and encouragement to go through all her treasures and pick out what I want to take with me. My memory was busy playing cat-and-mouse with me, letting me find some delightfully surprising things among the shelves and drawers, but nothing that my Mom had had in reality and that I'd just forgotten about...and had been, in waking life, straining to remember about. ( this frustrates me to this day - I need triggers to recall all the little treasures from home....but then if I see any, I'm immediately angry and sad all over again! ) My bro, usually in a more co-starring role than even my Mom ( cuz he was around those 2 months longer than Mom, and had, in reality tried to 'help' me get some things ), always around in some way, exuding such huge support for this undertaking by his still-living sister... while my father &/or the other bro ( Satan's Little Helper ) would be around, threatening to enter the room and disrupt this serene teamwork....and then, at some point, they or he usually would and I'd wake up as frustrated, heartbroken and furious as in reality, never having actually gotten anything OUT of the house.

I don't recall having seen anything about this plate fiasco before. My gawd....can I just call your sister a name here? Perhaps she was just practising her Black Arts Magicianry.... That is so LOW, petty and childish! You must be a good guy...cuz I wouldn't have given her any of the benefit of the doubt that you did! Ya gotta wonder just what her basic problem is. It was a simple plate, for gawd sakes! She's just lucky ( and unfortunately, you're not, in this case ) that you hadn't already pre-sorted and moved everything you wanted out, before she got in there herself. But then, when you're not a crook yourself by nature, you don't think to expect these kinds of behaviours from others....until the dirty deed's done and it's too late to rectify.

I'd love to be able to come up with some really sage advice here, but alas, I don't think I've made one millimeter ( more practise for you with those conversions ) of progress yet in this particular department...store...housewares...silver...china...crystal....ALL OF MOM'S THINGS THAT WERE SUPPOSED TO GO TO THE LONE DAUGHTER, WHO'D USE AND TREASURE THEM!! See? It's an unending inner battle!.... of "Things to Grieve".

Edited April 5, 2006 by Maylissa

[Paul S]

My f2f counselor IS a godsend. I did get lucky. As you prob by now have figured out, I am a Catholic, and although I do not know, nor did I ever inquire, but he is versed in Catholicism. Either he is or used to be or just knows about it as part of his background because of the issues dealt with, but I can get all Catholic-y in the sessions and his eyes don't get all glazed over nor does he squirm and get twitchy. I am comfortable about bringing into each session my Faith and how its applied or its helping me.

He also seems to know considerable amount of stuff about dreams. Prob part of his training, I dunno. But he did say that that the subconcious has an amazing ability to draw together seemingly disparate events and things and synthesize them into a new whole. A sorting of things out, as it were. I knew this, but as he applied it to my dream, I had a deeper understanding of that nightmare, esp the part about the bear being atransitional object, etc. From his talk I even got the significance of even the misc items box, which lead to the plate fiasco. Its really wierd how these things are all interconnected in some way.

No wonder I woke up yelling.

Oh, BTW, I forgot ( ) to say that he felt it was significant that I awakened angry and furious instead of afraid. Most people wake up afraid from a nightmare, but since I woke up ticked off was a sign of sorts of healing, taking control.