My father's ashes

[Clematis]

1 hour ago, kayc said:

It does sound more promising. 

Much more promising. He can't just beat me up and toss me in the gutter. If he moves to not renew my contract, he will have to answer to "the big dogs" as to why, and I don't think they'll go for "I don't like her". He'll have to answer for it. I think he is already having to answer for it, because I have not kept it private. I have learned from personal and professional experience that when a person is being abused and they keep it closeted, it only gets worse. When it is thrown out into the light, there may be a lot of fireworks, but things will definitely change in some way, and there it generally some validation along with the gift of having been courageous and true to oneself in the face of adversity.

[Clematis]

I feel relieved about all of that. Unfortunately, two days after the extreme pressure let up I became ill with bronchitis...a frequent visitor for me. Something called the "let-down" effect after extreme stress...I was in bed all day Sunday and lounging around sick at home today. I'm going back to work tomorrow...the third day of antibiotics. I'm not really ready but it will be a big problem if I miss the meetings I am supposed to do this week.

[kayc]

Oh Laura, I am so sorry.  I got sick a month ago, they thought it'd last ten days but I didn't find it to be as definitive as that, recovery has been gradual, still having a hard time breathing well but improving oh so slowly...I hope yours responds more quickly.  Mine wasn't bacterial, but viral, so no antibiotics for this, I hope your antibiotics do the trick quickly.  Good luck with the meetings!

[Clematis]

On 3/6/2018 at 6:15 AM, kayc said:

Oh Laura, I am so sorry.  I got sick a month ago, they thought it'd last ten days but I didn't find it to be as definitive as that, recovery has been gradual, still having a hard time breathing well but improving oh so slowly...I hope yours responds more quickly.  Mine wasn't bacterial, but viral, so no antibiotics for this, I hope your antibiotics do the trick quickly.  Good luck with the meetings!

Thanks! It was a really difficult week, right before spring break. It felt like just about every staff was ill and/or hanging by a thread. One of these meetings was the one where the boss insisted that I accept a document that was not legal to accept in this way, and I had said, "well, you're the boss- if you say it's ok, it's ok" in front of a principal and the teacher who has maligned me all year. I realized after saying this that I could not sign something that wasn't legal and I had to do a lot of fancy footwork to get us all out of it. At one point I met with him and outlined a plan to get around this (without directly saying anything was wrong with his illegal plan). I thought he was trying to trap me into doing something illegal, but I think there truth is that he didn't actually realize that there was anything wrong with his take on the situation.

I suggested that we accept the old documentation (even though we actually did not see it personally) because that was a correct and legal solution, and minimize the problem with the current document that we could not legally accept, while encouraging the mother to get a current document that would be accurate and legal. They all went along with my plan, because it really was the only option, but it was only after meeting with him and having him chastise me with statements like, "You are so negative and critical. All you ever do is say that everything every one else is wrong wrong wrong." After all that, my boss decided this would be one of the meetings where he would formally observe me conduct a meeting. It all went well because of my steps in advance, even though I could barely speak audibly. 

I found an interesting video on youtube about how to deal with people like him under "Manipulating the narcissist" , by appealing to his vanity with flattery. I think this is what I have been missing. The people who he really likes are obsequious and marginally competent, and they figured out how to flatter themselves into his good graces and stay there, while I was being straightforward, honest, and competent. I suppose they figured out this is what to do because it is what they like. Truthfully, I was doing the same thing, figuring that I should treat him like I wanted to be treated. I always want to be treated with open honesty and mutual respect, and hate false flattery or any other lies. Since false flattery from me is likely to come off as sarcasm, I think I need to do what you do with out-of-control badly behaved children - "Catch em being good" and give them praise and attention for than. My fear of him has probably fanned the fires. I also realized what was behind his comments about my being so negative and critical; he was mirroring back at me what he was doing himself.

I am starting to think that my "Improvement Plan" was just something that he decided to slap me with one day when he was really annoyed at me. He has a tendency to be very impulsive and not think things through. Coming up with an unreasonable "Improvement Plan" that was comprised of third-party interpretations, and vague commands to do things that were impossible, unreasonable, and illegal and then making sure that the other administrators saw it was probably not a good plan, because they have all written real ones that were done correctly. It might also not have looked good for him to be yelling at me in weekly meetings of 60-90 minutes in an old building where people can hear through the walls, directly beneath the offices of the upper administration offices, and then the human resource director got involved and his weekly sessions abruptly ended. Of course I have no way to really know what has happened or what will happen next. I wish he would just vaporize...

But anyway, now it is spring break and I am making little cat clocks out of clay at home...

[Clematis]

On 3/6/2018 at 6:15 AM, kayc said:

Oh Laura, I am so sorry.  I got sick a month ago, they thought it'd last ten days but I didn't find it to be as definitive as that, recovery has been gradual, still having a hard time breathing well but improving oh so slowly...I hope yours responds more quickly.  Mine wasn't bacterial, but viral, so no antibiotics for this, I hope your antibiotics do the trick quickly.  Good luck with the meetings!

I hope you are getting better. I am mostly better now, but am still coughing and everything tastes weird - like maybe it's not really food. The only thing that really tastes right is Schwan's chicken and rice soup. Good thing I have a stock of it, and more at my office - I just have to go over and get it...

[kayc]

I just came down with a UTI, so will have to travel out of town to the doctor today, ugh.  Was not on my agenda!
Glad it's Spring Break for you!  I hope you get to feeling better soon!  John (my XH) was Narcissist...nearly impossible to deal with them, good luck with that!

[Clematis]

3 hours ago, kayc said:

...nearly impossible to deal with them, good luck with that!

Sorry to hear about the UTI - hope it can be cleared up quickly. I'm afraid you're right about the narcissists, and there just is no easy fix. Everyone I know who currently or has ever worked in the schools says the same thing more or less, that they are very dysfunctional systems - much more so that businesses, who can't afford to waste so much time on so much nonsense. Non-profit orgs also tend to forget they have any bottom line and can be insane environments. Unfortunately, once my current boss focused on me, I think he found me quite threatening, and I doubt he will forget that, no matter what I do. Truthfully, all I can really do is to make him look good, because quality staff makes a department look good, along with its department head.

He is making a lot of mistakes and doesn't have the sense to cover them up, so his peer administrators can see them. I know that has not gone unnoticed, and it's hard to believe that there have been no repercussions. He has also pulled a key staff member off her job almost entirely so that she can support him. The bulk of her job has been shuffled down to a group of people - including me - who do not manage all of that nearly as efficiently as she had handled it for twenty years.The admin must have had some reaction, because some of his blunders had the potential to put the entire district in legal jeopardy. I can only hope that he is finding things stressful enough to retire. He is very close to it and almost bailed after last year. At most, by his statements, he is only likely to last another year, if that. I think it is likely that his craziness and incompetence has caused him enough discomfort when reflected to him by his peer administrators that he would rather be elsewhere. He is about to be off work and out of the country for two weeks; perhaps his wife can convince him that it's not worth it to continue in his current situation. 

In any case, he has for the most part been called off of harassing me so that I can get my work done for the rest of the year. Either the district will continue to employ me, and I will probably have an easier time of it next year because people will know me and hence I'll have more support. Or, they will not renew my employment contract for next year and I will go back to doing contract work wherever I find it and I'll make more money in less time with less stress, but have to find my own health insurance and have a longer drive. Being forced out of the district would also cost me my goal of getting in a few more years in the retirement system, which would increase my retirement income. 

I had a job once where I had similar problems when I was brand-new. as a P.O. at Juvenile Court. Several people were threatened by my experience and education, and made false accusations about me to my supervisor's supervisor, Mr. B, and I almost lost my job. Mr. B listened to my story about what had occurred, which was 95% fabricated and 5% truth (but no fault in the true part), and decided to take a chance that I might be telling the truth and put me on "double probation" for six months - one false move and I would be out the door. Six months later, I asked Mr. B about my "double probation" and he had forgotten all about it. Also, the lawyers and judges thought I was terrific because they loved my writing - nothing fancy, but well-documented, accurate, and well-organized. A year later I was off to a much better job making 30% more money. Nevertheless, I learned just how vulnerable one can be in a new job.

[Clematis]

I set up these two little clocks that I made in ceramics last semester to photograph them in the good light atop Lena's cat tree, and look who jumped up to be in the photo. Hey-don't forget me - I'm the muse!

[kayc]

My sister-in-law's father owns Creative Clocks in Eugene...clocks can be fascinating.  I bought one for myself for Christmas (it replaced a neon blinking one from WalMart)...I can't see it in the dark, but love it for its artistic achievement and the fact it was created by our church secretary, Ronda.

I hope you continue enjoying your vacation this week!
 

[Clematis]

Thanks for the well wishes. I am really still recovering from having had bronchitis in January and then a separate episode six weeks later. I think it was hard on me being at work for a week when I was still in fact ill, and this episode seems to be harder to recover from than the last. I am sleeping late and very lethargic. Perhaps that is what I need to do, but it seems like a waste of spring break to not be busy doing creative things.

I love the clock! And I am so happy to hear that you have this lovely clock instead of a neon blinking item. I believe that clocks have a kind of essence, like a spirit or some energy, some in particular. This school year has been so difficult and in a large part I have coped with it by focusing on, making, and collecting clocks. There is a constant pitter-patter of tick-ticking at my house now; it is soothing company and helps me to sleep soundly at night. I think it is a kind of "pink noise". I also enjoy seeking them out at thrift stores. Some people have a drink after work to unwind or to celebrate, but I go to thrift shops and look for clocks. It costs about the same, and the clock sticks around, as the drinks do not.

[kayc]

I'd choose the clocks over the drinks too! 

[Clematis]

Happy St. Patrick's Day to all of you and your fur babies! Lena refused to wear this hat for a second, even clipped to her collar down her back, but she did agree to pose with it...

[kayc]

And a top of the morning to you, Lena! 

[Clematis]

Lena is one swell cat, and really keeps me company. We both miss my dad every day, even though we sense and hear his spirit nearby. It's not the same. She is especially good if I am sick or upset or something. Not if I am cranky or irritable but something worse... Today at one of the schools where I work, I was sitting in a classroom with my back to the room talking to a teacher and a student came up from behind me and hit me very hard on the side of the head, grabbing my flower hair clip and a handful of my hair, trying to wrest it loose from my head. He is only ten but very strong and has a long history of hitting adults and classmates, hitting them very hard, and yanking their hair out. He is in a classroom where they have combined the most violent and the most vulnerable students in the school in a room with a SpEd teacher who is about 70. He hit her on the top of her head yesterday, and she was obviously suffering from this today. 

I went through the work-injury process and the triage nurse directed me to go to the E.R.; on my way I stopped by the classroom and encouraged the teacher to do the same, which she did. I also urged one of the aides to follow through with the incident report process for both incidents so that it is at least on his record. Not that anyone was happy to see me injured exactly, but several commented that it was good that he "went after the school psychologist" because maybe I can do something about this kid. They have a deluded sense of my position there; I may have a fancy title, but am not exactly in a powerful position. They have several really disturbed kids who should not be in a public school setting where there is so much potential to injure staff and students, but if they expelled kids with IEP's the district would be "on the hook" to pay for a very expensive residential school. The way I see is that for a kid like this one, their real alternatives are to pay now or to wait until there is a lawsuit and then pay for it along with the costs of a lawsuit.

Here Lena is helping me relax by joining me in looking through a library book called "Cats in Art".

 

[kayc]

Oh Laura, I'm so sorry!  Are you okay?  How badly are you injured?  And the other teacher?

My little sister works for Beaverton School District and has encountered such kids, it's really hard.  I don't remember it ever being like that when I was growing up.  There was such a child when I was helping at my kids' school years ago.  Quite a handful.

I'm glad you have Lena, just coming in here and seeing her brings a smile to my face!

[iPraiseHim]

My sister is a Sped Teacher's Aid. Y'all should get combat pay TAX FREE for what you have to deal with and then are told to NOT REPORT because you could damage the child's future or they are just not responsible for their actions.  This thought police spins me up at times.  Common sense has disappeared.  IMHO - Shalom

[Clematis]

On 3/21/2018 at 5:55 AM, kayc said:

Oh Laura, I'm so sorry!  Are you okay?  How badly are you injured?  And the other teacher?

My little sister works for Beaverton School District and has encountered such kids, it's really hard.  I don't remember it ever being like that when I was growing up.  There was such a child when I was helping at my kids' school years ago.  Quite a handful.

I'm glad you have Lena, just coming in here and seeing her brings a smile to my face!

I have a stiff neck from it, but it was a mild injury. The other person, a special ed teacher, was more seriously injured, partly because she had neck surgery about two months previously due to being kicked in the head by another student (he was lying on the floor and I think she was bending over him). We both went to the E.R., and both incidents were reported to the principal, who entered it into the computer system, attached to the student's name. The principal really agonized over this and consulted with the superintendent, who reversed a decision my boss the special ed director had made before spring break to remove the only male staff from the room - a teacher's aide or paraprofessional - from the room, at the request/demand of another parent. This was a really dumb move on the part of the SpEd director, to remove someone who was really a stabilizing force and swap him out with someone these high need kids did not know at all.

I think it is really typical of this sped director to make an impulsive and rash move like swapping the staff around. He just doesn't think things through and the results can be awful. So he left the country for two weeks - spring break and the week afterwards - and his actions resulted in two staff in two days going to the E.R., while his supervisor and the principal (a peer at the supervisory level) had to correct it while he was gone. I hope someone is paying attention to his incompetence.

[Clematis]

On 3/21/2018 at 5:12 PM, iPraiseHim said:

My sister is a Sped Teacher's Aid. Y'all should get combat pay TAX FREE for what you have to deal with and then are told to NOT REPORT because you could damage the child's future or they are just not responsible for their actions.  This thought police spins me up at times.  Common sense has disappeared.  IMHO - Shalom

Yeah...I think this is going on all over. The schools don't do much about it, because if they expelled these kids or put them on long-term suspension, the district would be obliged to pick up the tab for a really expensive private school. They just don't have the money. Nevertheless, I think it is really important to report every single one of these incidents. It is an administrative issue and should be handled at the top level, by the superintendent and the school board, with the consultation of the attorney, because it is their responsibility to assure that the school is a safe environment for students and staff. They can't take action if they don't have information. I realize that they may still not take action, but if they have the information they may, and at least I have done my part. Some of these kids may not end up in expensive schools - they may eventually end up in the corrections systems.

For me, I need to look out for myself. I have a good friend who is a psychiatrist and after this happened, she told me that when she was school, they were taught to never get within what could be arm's reach of a person who is agitated...pacing, ranting & raving, screaming, and so on. She also told me that I should never turn my back on any classroom. She is probably right...

As to these kids' future being damaged, if they are doing this kind of thing in elementary school because they have Autism or some other really significant issue, their future is already on course in a suboptimal direction. I don't think these kids are going to be prevented from becoming brain surgeons or getting into ivy league colleges because their frequent assaults on peers and staff are reported and recorded on their permanent school records. I also believe that the police should be contacted for these kids after behavior that would result in police contact for a typical peer. The schools don't agree with me, but I keep voicing my opinions and encouraging others with more contact with these students that I to do the same... I figure that a minimum if things are reported, at least there will be a paper trail of priors if/when something more serious happens.

[kayc]

7 hours ago, Clematis said:

I also believe that the police should be contacted for these kids after behavior that would result in police contact for a typical peer. The schools don't agree with me, but I keep voicing my opinions and encouraging others with more contact with these students that I to do the same

It seems to me nipping things in the bud, dealing with them in early stages, early prevention, is in order!  I'm so sorry for those that have to endure assaults because they've chosen to work with kids, so wrong!  This wasn't happening when I was a child, perhaps because things WERE handled differently back then!  Like George said, you should get combat pay!

The teacher that had the neck surgery and then got reinjured should go out on disability with PTSD...honestly, I would not want to wait around for more of the same.  This is nuts!

[Clematis]

4 minutes ago, kayc said:

This wasn't happening when I was a child, perhaps because things WERE handled differently back then! 

I think we have many more unstable families and many more children with serious problems like autism. Less supervision at home, less structure, more restrictions on punishments, both parents work, extended family is nowhere to be found. Many have parents, older siblings, cousins, etc. who have been incarcerated and the family is trying to be supportive, which makes that outcome less abhorrent. We also have a social environment where kids grow up watching TV and movie content that features kids as the clever heroes and adults as morons. Parents are suing school districts, even when their own child is the one causing problems. And you have many kids whose goal is to be thrown out of school so they can go home for the day or permanently, where there is no supervision and they can watch TV and play video games all day. It really ties up the schools without many options. Sometimes it helps to call the police, but sometimes that backfires as well.

Kids who have good support and/or who do well in school still do fine, but the kids who don't do well in school and have all of those other factors are on a career path headed for a life of very limited choices at best. I see it as a direct route to prison for a lot of them. I became a school psychologist after working at a state prison and coming to the conclusion that the vast majority of inmates were there because they didn't do well in school and they didn't have families who could support a kid who wasn't doing well; they were also subject to all of these other social factors. If kids have learning disabilities or other struggles in school have supportive parents who are on top of things, they manage to find themselves a reasonable path in life.

But struggling kids whose parents are unable to support them and advocate for them - they are headed for serious trouble and it is really hard to help these kids because their families move so frequently it is hard to even evaluate them to find out if they qualify for services. I have had three kids in just the last three months who have been bounced from one school district to another, while a paper trail followed them of people trying to help them but being unable to finish the evaluation. I bent over backwards and may have bent a few other things as well to get their processes complete so that they had a legal IEP that would follow them wherever they go. I have chased parents all over to get them to sign the papers so it was a completed process, tracked them down, and coached them on what to do and why...such as telling them that if they suddenly had to move again to not withdraw their child until the date the evaluation was done and signed, like the next week. Even if the child had gone to live with someone else,  to not withdraw them or re-enroll them elsewhere because the evaluation and IEP would be good if they just stayed enrolled that long. If they enrolled elsewhere before we could finish the process, the new district would have to start over and it would probably take at least a few months, if they even did it. A lot of kids go through their entire school lives like this. I wish I could figure out how to help more of them... But meanwhile, I'll try to not be a casualty of the violence.

[MartyT]

Your post reminds me of the story about the kid at the seashore who was throwing starfish back into the ocean in an attempt to save them. He knew he couldn't help all of them, but he was doing his best, one starfish at a time, so his efforts could make a difference at least for some of them. I admire your dedication and determination, Laura. I couldn't do what you are doing, that's for sure.

[kayc]

Laura,

I know you are right, so many things have changed in our times, our society has changed.  I used to do Prison Ministry, and I know all too well what you're talking about.  We tried to show them what love, commitment, trust was...it took a long time and a lot of effort, but we made a difference to a few...just like Marty is talking about with the starfish.  We may not have changed the masses, but one person here and there, and to those, it made all the difference in the world.

It's sad to see so many on a path to the prison system and feel unable to stop the tide.  But it's like they want the school to make up for what is missing in the parenting, in the home, and that's a pretty tough cross to bear for anyone, if even possible.  When did it become up to the schools instead of the parents?  I guess when the parents let down.

[Clematis]

23 hours ago, MartyT said:

Your post reminds me of the story about the kid at the seashore who was throwing starfish back into the ocean in an attempt to save them. He knew he couldn't help all of them, but he was doing his best, one starfish at a time, so his efforts could make a difference at least for some of them. I admire your dedication and determination, Laura. I couldn't do what you are doing, that's for sure.

I am committed to what I am doing, and I really love the work. It's a great way to help kids, be a detective to figure out what is impairing a student, and spend most of my time in a plant-filled sunny room listening to classical music and writing, writing, writing. Having a supervisor who is out to capsize my boat with potshots creates a toxic environment, but I hope that will get better. I have my evaluation today and Matt the principal who is a fan of my work is coming with me. It should smooth things out and offer an objective viewpoint by someone who actually works with me. Having an evaluation that is essentially a review of gossip and anonymous complaints has been really difficult. 

I hope it goes well. I just read my email and have a message saying the school superintendent would like to meet with me after my meeting with my boss and the human resource director. I have no idea what that is about, but it seems worrisome...

[Clematis]

So...we had both meetings and the district is not going to renew my contract. I can either resign or have them take it to the board to decide to not renew my contract. It's never a great thing to hear - sorry, we don't want you anymore. But it's not really a surprise. Michael has made it clear that he doesn't like me and that is not really a tenable situation to continue as a work environment.

Nevertheless, I mostly feel relieved. My friend Mike has commented to me more than once that It is really difficult to go back to working for a district after doing contract work. Working for a district means less income with more hours, and it involves tolerating the politics and a lot of other nonsense. I think I am too much of a worrier to cope with the gossip and trying to figure out what is going on and how it may affect me. It will probably be good for me to be out of there.

There are a lot of other options and a lot of work out there. 

[iPraiseHim]

4 hours ago, Clematis said:

So...we had both meetings and the district is not going to renew my contract. I can either resign or have them take it to the board to decide to not renew my contract. It's never a great thing to hear - sorry, we don't want you anymore. But it's not really a surprise. Michael has made it clear that he doesn't like me and that is not really a tenable situation to continue as a work environment.

Nevertheless, I mostly feel relieved. My friend Mike has commented to me more than once that It is really difficult to go back to working for a district after doing contract work. Working for a district means less income with more hours, and it involves tolerating the politics and a lot of other nonsense. I think I am too much of a worrier to cope with the gossip and trying to figure out what is going on and how it may affect me. It will probably be good for me to be out of there.

There are a lot of other options and a lot of work out there. 

Laura,

It is sometimes hard to understand why life turns like it does.  I pray that though this door may be closing there will be other doors open to you that are more conducive and productive to use and express your skills and talents.  I will continue to pray and intercede for you on your journey.  - Shalom