Not looking forward to the upcoming months...

[Mike's Girl]

Hey gang! 

It's been a while since I've checked in and I'm glad to report that, with God's help, I'm hanging in there.  I just passed the 7 month mark of Michael's passing and things have been...um...interesting.   So many things have happened...House repairs that included dealing with contractors, car repairs and finding a new mechanic that respected women, and I've had to survive numerous "firsts without him", including preparing for and enduring a hurricane.

I still miss him in every moment of my day, but the debilitating grief waves aren't coming as frequent as they were.  I'm not finding myself in a constant state of sadness.  Don't get me wrong, I still get hit with tidal waves of emotions at the slightest trigger, but I'm finding that I'm beginning to accept the unchangeable.   He's not coming back.  Stark, but true words.  I still love him with all of my heart and soul.  I'd give anything to have him back, healthy and whole.  Yes, it breaks my heart that the love of my life is gone and my life has changed forever.  But my life isn't over.  I'm pretty proud that  I have come this far.  I think he'd be proud too.  

However,  I have found that my life has become a routine of boredom.  I'm just existing.  I go to work and I come home to veg in front of the TV until I go to bed.  My tablet has become my new best friend.  A constant companion that is by my side from the moment I wake up, until I go to bed at night.  A never ending blue glow of Facebook, games, Pinterest, Instagram, etc.  But I KNOW that Michael would want more for me.  He never wanted me to wallow or forget who I am and what I'm capable of.  He was my biggest cheerleader and I must honor him by being the best me I can.   I do have a great support system of friends that I go and do things with (whenever my budget allows) and I am forever grateful of their friendship and concern.  I guess I just haven't found my next step yet.  I really have no idea what to do now.  

I do know that the upcoming months are going to be rougher than the current hurricane season.  Halloween was Michael's favorite holiday.  I'm already getting misty just looking at all of the decorations.  November will be tough with both Thanksgiving and our wedding anniversary on the 27th.  We would be celebrating 24 years of happy marriage.  I already expect to be a basketcase that day.  Then, of course, there's Christmas, New Years, then finally my birthday in January.  The thought of going through all of this without him is almost too much to bare.  So,  I will continue to chant my mantra..."one day at a time".  It's helped so far, just knowing that there is no timeline with grief.  It happens at it's own pace.   I haven't decided if I'm going to decorate for anything this year.  I will come to those decisions as they arise.  I'm happy to report that my stepdaughter will be coming to visit me the week between Christmas and New Year, so I won't be alone.  We will be together to celebrate.    I'm sure the wine will be flowing.  

[enna]

Thinking of you as you begin the many firsts and holidays coming up in the next months.  You sound so wise as you go through those 'debilitating grief waves' ~ they will continue but your support group will help you along the way. Thank you for sharing. It helps us to know that we are not alone. 

Anne

[kayc]

Mike's Girl,

It's good to see you again!  I'm glad you survived the hurricane, this has been quite a year.  I hear you with the contractors, I know of nothing worse than dealing with them.  I've had horrid experience with roofers, gone through four in four years, no one made good but the last one was great, thankfully.  I've lost a lot of $ on them.  Not to mention other contractors!  People to clean the roof, gutters, chimney, make repairs, get firewood, etc.,  Some okay, some not, none as good as your husband was.  It can be a lot of stress,  But I give myself a pat  on the back and I hope you do too, we're surviving, and that deserves a medal.

Ahh, holidays.  However YOU choose to deal with them is the way.  Here's some articles that might be of help to you: 

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2015/11/coping-with-holidays-suggested.html 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/getting-through-the-holidays-when-you-are-newly-bereaved_us_582c7767e4b0466f4579334f?

 

[Mike's Girl]

Thanks Kay!  Yes, we all deserve medals.  It really is a shame on how some people seem to prey on the grieving.  Take total advantage at our disadvantage.  Heartbreaking!  

[kayc]

I'm not sure who preyed on you but I have experienced that and it's awful.

I'm glad you will have your stepdaughter there with you in the holidays!

[foodcooppres]

Hello, Mike's Girl.  I am so encouraged by your positive outlook.  You are showing courage, strength, and common sense.  I am sure that you are going to weather the holidays with flying colors, and I'm so glad you can spend time with your stepdaughter.  Family is so important--they understand your loss because they share it.  You might find some tips in this article, http://bit.ly/2lQmLXU.  Also, I've been attending the Griefshare group at my church.  You might find a location near you at griefshare.com.  It's a support group with helpful videos--shared experiences and advice.  I'm finding it encouraging.  One thing that might take you a step forward in this process, if you are ready, is to find a way to help other people, not necessarily with grieving, but a way to give of yourself to someone who needs you.  I've helped with the food pantry at my church, for example, or taken meals to someone who just had a baby.  Somehow helping others helps me even more.  If you have any extra time after work or on weekends, plenty of places need volunteers.  I pray that you will find these holidays a time of joy and peace as well as memories, and may the happy memories predominate.  God bless you.

[kayc]

Those are all great ideas I've employed.  We didn't have a grief support group in town so I started on at my church and it was opened up to the community.  There are a lot of materials available on line, here, and WYG, among others.

I help at my senior site as well as my church, and you're right, it does help to get out and do something for others.  If I lived in the city, I'd volunteer with a rescue organization as I love dogs.  Whatever you do, make it something that is meaningful and enjoyable for YOU.

[Mike's Girl]

Thanks foodcooppres!  Those are great ideas.  I've been going through a mood of boredom and questioning my future lately.  I've just been feeling blah and uninspired.  I feel like I'm just merely existing right now.  Not doing anything of purpose.  Your ideas may give me some direction.  

[kayc]

Keep us updated!