I lost my dad this morning.

[mik]

I lost my father to cancer this morning. My heart is broken, even though  I know his pain has ceased. Now how do I and my mom cope with our pain? My brothers a  at a loss as well. I have never seen them cry.

 

[kayc]

Kimberly, I am so sorry.  Even though we know it's coming, the finality hits and it seems there is no comfort in sorrow, it takes much time to even process this.  Hold each other.  My thoughts and prayers are with you as you grieve.

[MartyT]

While your father's pain has ended, yours has just begun, Kimberly, and I am so sorry for that. Please know that we are here for you . . . 

[mik]

Thank you, I thought that I was prepared, however I am not. I am so worried for my mom and don't know how I can take the place of my dad for her. (I know I can' t ) but I don't want to lose her too. I find anxiey and sadness are all I can feel at this time. I see everyone drinking as a way to cope, not getting drunk, but drinking socially as they have in the past. I am doing the same, as it does help...and I don't drink. I have so many worries and so much grief. I wonder if I will lose my mind at times..this too scares me to death. I have to be here. I can'tafford that luxury. ..sigh

 

 

[kayc]

I guess people want to numb how they feel when they drink, it doesn't make sense to me because it's a depressant and why would someone want something else that could bring them down.  But then I've shied away from drink because of my father's alcoholism, not wanting that for me and my kids.  It never seemed to help anything.  My dad was the sweetest guy in the world but a slave to his addiction. 

You may not be able to take the place of your father to your mom, but you can be there for her, and that she has you will mean a great deal to her.  This would be hard for her to navigate alone.  It's nice to have someone that isn't afraid to bring up their name, someone who can remember memories with you, someone who loves that person as much as you did.  My mom and I shared many a time talking about my dad fondly over the 32 years she was widowed.

Let yourself feel the grief, you know it well, no way to avoid it, but it'll settle into something you can better bear in time.  (((hugs)))

[mik]

Thank you. I am feeling incredibly lonely. It dosent make sense. I am here with my mom, and was surrounded by people yesterday. I like being alone, but not now. I know your right, I should know grief exceptionally well. I know this will take time. It' different from losing a partner however. I have had my dad in my life 57 years.  Yes, I am lonely without him here.

[kayc]

Solitude is different from loneliness.  I've always like a certain amount of solitude but I don't like this loneliness.
 

[mik]

I agree. My loneiness feels as there is no end in sight.

[kayc]

That's how I've felt ever since my husband died.  When someone has been there for you in your life and they're suddenly ripped away, it's hard to live with.  We can get used to it in time, but we never like it.