Nikki Posted April 20, 2006 Report Share Posted April 20, 2006 Hello to everyone on the forum. My name is Nikki, I joined the forum last year, I am not sure when exactly-many things are a blur still. I have not posted since August of last year. I lost my fiance and boyfriend of 8 years on Jan. 13 2005, it was a Thursday-I came home for work and found him on our living room floor, I thought he was passed out from drinking-he did a lot of that after he lost his job, but he had shot himself. He was 33.Like I said I have not posted in a long time, but I do get the notifications in my E-mail and I do read them and check the board. Most of the time I do not think I have much to say that would make a difference to anyone. My grammer also has much to be desired,please forgive me. I would also like to Thank everyone on the forum, words, poems, songs, and your devotion to your lost partner is so inspirational and lets me know that it is OK to be grieving, sad, angry, lonely and dissapointed- STILL and in my friends and family for abadoning me and forgeting I still am in pain.(sometimes agony). I have been trying so hard lately to be positive-to make what seems like this living hell tolerable. I think a lot when I am in the car about how to do that. I have no answer, but I did have a thought-these people we have lost, our spouse,our lover, our friend -are one of our greatest teachers. My loss has taught me how strong I can be-I don't mean not crying, geting up and going through the motions of life , but how strong my spirit is, the human spirit and also another lesson is that I have faith-I never knew that but I do! And surprisingly I feel closer to god, he is taking care of my most precious love-I have to believe that or I would lose my own mind, so by his death I am forced to have faith. If I could I would change what happened in a minute, but I cannot-I do need a place to talk about it -my grief and my sadness, my emptiness and my tears-I think I have found the place-everyone here leans on one another and tells it like it is and I feel lucky to have a place to go Thank you again Nikki Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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