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Heartbroke beyond words


Buttersmom

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On dec 21 2017 I had to make the heartbreaking decision to put my 4 1/2 year old cat Butters to sleep, she had cancer & her kidneys were failing. I raised her and her 2 sisters from just a few hours old and she was my baby. I miss here sooo much and cry about every day wishing I still had her. She was a very sweet and loving cat that was always with me anywhere I was in the house. The vet made things even worse by not giving me the option to stay with her and at that time I wasnt thinking straight (it was not the usual vet I normally saw in the office). I dont know how to get through this. Im so sad & depressed feel so alone

 

 

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Buttersmom,

I am so sorry, 4 1/2 years old is just too short, so unfair.  I don't know any way through grief but straight through it, tears, pain, and all.  I am a huge animal lover...had a very near death experience this weekend with my Husky on a hike...sharp steep trail narrowed, precipice dropped sharply on one side, the trail washed out in part and that's where Arlie's hind legs slipped down...without thinking I reached out and grabbed his hind end back up (he's 109 lbs).  My son said to cut him loose the next time.  I could never do that, I realized I would die WITH my animal rather than let him slip down and die a torturous death all alone.  I might not have been able to save him or myself but at least I could comfort him through his fear and not leave him alone.  Isn't that how we feel with our animals!  There won't be a next time, we'll choose safer trails, this was one unknown to me and I'm afraid my son and his wife didn't get the straight scoop about it, they learned about it from a book, I'd ask the locals, they'd know.

What you've just experienced with your cat...letting her go to sleep rather than wait for her kidneys to fail or the cancer to take her bit by bit, that was the kindest gift you could have given her.  I know it probably doesn't FEEL that way to you, it's also a very sacrificial thing to do on your part, very very hard, and you're paying the price of loving her with your grief right now.  It seems to go hand in hand.  In the end we wouldn't choose anything different but to love them and have them in our lives for the length of time we get.  

Your cat likely fell asleep, not realizing what was happening, but is now free of her pain and awaits you on the other side.  My heart goes out to you in your loss.

 

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Thank you so much. I miss her so much but couldnt let her suffer. She was and still is a very special part of my life and will always be in my heart. Im glad you were able to save your husky (I would have done the same thing you did).  Below are some pictures of butters when she was a baby and as an adult.

IMAG0418 (1).jpg

My butters.jpg

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Awww- How adorable! I love the kitten picture with the tiny paws steadying the bottle and hand. My cat Lena does that when I’m holding a treat for and it always touches my heart to have her little paws reach out to my hand. That is such a young age to lose a pet. It’s terrible at any point, but that is really sad. I feel for you. When you lose a pet or any loved one after many years you lose your friend of all those years...and the longer you’ve been together the deeper the relationship is. But when you lose someone after so few years, you lose the potential of all of what might have been and that is really hard.

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Its been very hard on me loosing her at such a young age. She was my baby and to have to put her to sleep tore my world apart. Its been over 3 months and it still feels like it just happened. Nobody around me understands what Im going through and that makes things worse.

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5 hours ago, Buttersmom said:

Nobody here understands what Im going through and that makes things worse.

My dear, that is why it's so important to surround yourself with kindred spirits: animal lovers like yourself, who know and understand the strength of the human-animal bond.

You may find these articles helpful: 

Pet Loss: A Disenfranchised Grief

Is Pet Loss Comparable to Loss of A Loved One?

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OMG, are those pictures adorable!  Her kitten picture is incredibly cute, I never saw a little one that cute!  Her name fits her perfectly, she's very beautiful.  It will feel fresh and raw for some time, losing our pets is one of the hardest losses there is but eventually it subsides into a kind of sadness inside of us that we learn to carry.  I'm sorry it hurts so bad.  :(  

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Thank you, she was a beautiful cat inside and out. She was in so much pain and still would come lay on me and rub her head against my face. She loved me as mich as I do her. I feel so lost and alone without her. She was a very special and happy  girl in every way. She will always have a piece of my heart.

20160801_013107.jpg

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Here is something I wrote for Butters -

Butters you are my angel 
Now you have your wings 
You will always be a part of me 
Forever in my heart 
You left this world way to soon 
I miss you more then I could ever say 
I miss you each and every minute of each and every day 
Rest in peace my baby and know you will never be forgotton 
I love you Butters, alway have and always will 
I know someday we will be together again 
But until then you will always live in my heart. 
 

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Thank you very much and sorry to hear about your loss to. Its just not the same here without Butters and I wish I had known she was sick before she got so bad but they are masters at hiding their pain. I feel so guilty for not seeing she was sick, I would have done anything to save her. 

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So hard.  Your cat is extremely beautiful, I know you carry her in your heart always.

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