I lost my dog and my husband in the same day.

[Bklyn400]

Hi everyone. I'm new to this, but I'm going through so much that I needed someone to talk to. 

My shih tzu that I've had for 11 years, passed away today. I dont know what happened to him. He just stopped breathing. My kids and I buried him together and it was so hard on them. We loved our dog so much. I'm trying to be so strong for them and it's so hard. I'm just trying so hard. That's not the end of my day.

While I was trying to get in touch with my husband who was supposed to be working and who I've been with for the last 13 yrs, to let him know what the kids and I were going through, i find out he wasnt at work at all. He was cheating on me. The "person" (because i wouldn't call her a woman", dropped him off to the front of our house. I was beyond devastated. I'm mourning with my children over the death of our dog and now this!!! OMG!!! "The person",  told me everything, and now I dont have a husband anymore. 

All this happened in a matter of hours. Right now, I'm mourning the death of my beloved dog Ralphy, and my 13 yr marriage. I have 4 sons. How am I going to do this? I have no money, no job, no education. All I had was me and my kids. I'm having so many emotions right now. I dont know what to do. 😭

[kayc]

I am so sorry for all you are going through.  My advice?  Mourn your dog, you can figure out your feelings about your husband later.  If you're 100% positive you're done with him, see an attorney, the consultation is usually free and if you have no income you should qualify for low income based fees, and it should be next to nothing.  You don't say how old your kids are, if they would need a sitter, if so, whatever you'd earn would probably go for that, but you might want to see the dept of health and human services and see about getting on welfare, they'll get it back from him.  They might have help available for training/college to make you more job eligible.  This is a lot to think about at once and no decisions need to be made today.  Today you are grieving your dog and my heartfelt condolences goes out to you and your family.

In time your feelings may subside a bit and you may be able to talk about things, why he cheated, what was he thinking, etc.  The two of you need to decide about the course of your future, but again, that doesn't need done today.  Today he needs to lay low and give you some space to think and heal.  Try not to bring the kids into it, let adult things stay with adults.  In our state they have a mandatory class that teaches you how to handle things with the kids, even teenagers are still kids, protect them from knowing what doesn't concern them.  It'll be hard enough for them to deal with the fallout that will impact their world.

I'm glad you and the kids were able to bury your dog.  Sounds like maybe his heart?  Poor little dog!  Do you have a picture you could share?

[MartyT]

1 hour ago, kayc said:

My advice?  Mourn your dog, you can figure out your feelings about your husband later. 

I agree with Kay's wise advice, my dear, and I hope you will take it to heart. We are animal lovers here, and we know how much it hurts to lose a much-loved fur baby.

When you are ready, please take a look at some of the articles, books and other related resources I've gathered on this page: Death of A Relationship.

[Bklyn400]

Thank u Kayc and Marty T for your advice. I am grieving my dog and trying to move on from all this. 😥 Its just so hard. I'm so depressed. I cry when no one is looking, I sit and think about everything that happened a million times. I cant eat, I cant sleep. I know my kids feel it but i always talk to them and joke with them to keep them happy.  

I'm a 39 yr old mother of 4 boys, ages 19, 14, 12, and 4. Anyone who knows me knows I'm always with my boys. I always have time for them. I always talk to them about anything that's on their mind. I try to be strong for them. It's hard to stay strong when all u really wanna do is stay in bed and cry. 

I had a really hard life. I wanted my kids to have the best and have a family. It's just so hard. 

Thank u for writing to me. It helps to know that some people care. 😢

[kayc]

You will get through this, one day at a time.  Your kids have a good mom.

[Maylissa]

Oh my goodness, I've been very tardy on getting to older emails from the summer, and just came upon notice of your traumatic story. I'm so terribly sorry for the losses you've gone through, and yes, of course, discovering an affair is also a loss, to your marriage and much more. Like you, I also have had what many consider to be a "hard life," so I get it, in more ways than you could know.

The loss of your dear dog was already more than enough to deal with, but finding out about an affair on the SAME DAY?! Absolutely doubly-devastating! You poor woman!

There are many resources here for pet loss, as Marty mentioned as a starting point, so I won't add to that. But for affairs, if you haven't already made any finite decisions (which is actually recommended for at least 6 months afterwards, if not longer), might I suggest you look into this site:

https://www.affairrecovery.com/free-resources-home

My heart goes out to you, and I hope you have been able to cope in some way(s) since all of this tragedy hit you.