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Crushed

Lost my only sibling at 57 yo

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Hello all,  I first started reading and eventually posting here 10 years ago when my mother died. Then my father died 10 months later. Long story short, I worked through it and had reached a point of acceptance that this is the circle of life or so I thought. My mom always said these words for when you lose your parents. It’s not easy to deal with and requires a great amount of work but I had believed I reached the acceptance point. Fast forward 9 years and I have lost my only sibling, my sweet brother, to Esophageal cancer. I am crushed!!!  He decided to be cremated and bought a niche where our parents are resting. I am not an overly dramatic person but, when I walked into the mosalium area, I thought my knees were going to buckle and felt a wave of devastation come over me. Very hard to explain. I hadn’t been to this place since my dad passed 9 years ago and I could see their little cameo pictures clear across the room, just staring at me. I feel all alone now. Like my “original” family is all gone. When mom and dad died, my brother and I had each other to talk to. He was the only one who shared in my childhood. Even if we didn’t talk about it, we both still knew the other one was there if we needed to.  Now I have no one. Let me be clear. I have my own family - a supportive loving husband and two kids. Yet still, I feel alone. My brother and I were close even though we lived on opposite sides of the country. We always tried to get together as much as possible but after he was diagnosed, we spent a lot of time together. He came on our family vacation, to my daughters hs graduation, we went to thanksgiving last year and so much more.  I will cherish all those memories we made!!!  He traveled and did whatever he wanted but unfortunately there wasn’t enough time.  I feel angry that he was robbed of more good times, I was robbed of a loving and caring big brother, my kids were robbed of their favorite, always fun uncle, my husband was robbed of the brother he never had, the world was robbed a a sensitive, compassionate, fun loving person. His death is fresh. He passed October 15. I flew out to spend almost two weeks with him at the end. He joked with me until the end on the day I had to leave, which makes me smile and cry all at the same time. He passed the next day. 

I am just crushed. 
 

 

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Hello all,

I first started reading and posting on this site 10 years ago when my mom died. Continued after my dad died 10 months later. Fast forward nine years and I’m back after my dear, sweet brother died of esophageal cancer. I believed that I was at the acceptance place of my parents death. I worked hard over the years and had accepted that their deaths were just a circle of life as my mother had told me many times growing up. But now, after my brothers death, I don’t know where I stand. My brother decided to be cremated and bought a niche where our parents rest. I hadn’t been there since my father died Nine years ago. I am not an overly dramatic person, but when I walked into the masalium, I was overcome with a wave of devastation that almost made my knees buckle.  I could see my parents Cameo pictures staring at me clear across the room. I feel alone. My original family is all gone. I do have my own family – a loving supportive husband and two girls. But yet I feel alone. When our parents died, my brother and I had each other to talk to. Even if we had nothing to say, we knew that the other one was there if we needed to. I can always talk to my husband and I have and will continue But I can’t explain how I feel. They’re all gone.  My brother and I were very close even though we lived on opposite sides of the country. We always tried to get together as much as possible but since his diagnosis we spent more time together. He came on my family vacation, we went to his house for Thanksgiving 2018, he came for my daughters high school graduation, and we saw each other just because. I will cherish all those memories.

My brother was 57 years old and full of life.  It is a travesty that he doesn’t get to spend many more years, as he should have, enjoying life. I feel robbed that I won’t be able to hear his boisterous laugh, my kids have been robbed of their Favorite fun loving uncle, my husband has been robbed of the brother he never had and the world has been robbed of a sweet, compassionate, sensitive, funny, and so much more, person. I am crushed!!! I am angry!!  I flew out to be with him for two weeks before he passed because we all knew there was nothing else that could be done. He joked with me on the day that I left, which is so typical. When I think of that moment, I chuckle and cry at the same time. He died the day after I left on October 15. Sometimes, I feel like I’m going crazy. 
 

Thank you for listening. 

Crushed

 

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My dear, I'm so sorry to learn of the death of your beloved brother. He sounds like a wonderful man, and I'm sure he's left a giant hole in your life and in your heart. Please know that losing a sibling is different from losing a parent. Siblings play a very different role in our lives, and if we are blessed enough to be close to them, there really is no other relationship that can take their place. They are the ones who shared our childhood, who shared many of the same memories, and the ones who know us almost as well as we know ourselves. One cannot measure the magnitude of such a loss.

I hope you will allow yourself ample time and space to mourn this significant loss, and recognize that the severity of the grief you're experiencing now is in direct proportion to the relationship you have with your brother, and to the importance of the role he played in your life and in the lives of your family members as well. We do not mourn for those we do not love. Again, I am so very sorry for your loss ❤️ 

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Thank you, Marty. I appreciate your understanding.  Your words are perfect...the magnitude of my grief is in direct proportion to the relationship we had. I love him so much!!  And you’re right that there is a hole in my heart and my life. My youngest child cries a few times a week bc she says she misses her favorite uncle. My heart is broken for her and us all. 
 

Thank you again. 

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I am so sorry for your loss...I lost my oldest sister 1 1/2 years ago and I miss her.  It seems all the harder because your birth family is gone now and I'm sure that leaves you feeling cast adrift.  Take your time grieving, there's no right or wrong way to grieve and no time frame, we're all unique in how we process it.

I am so glad you got precious memories and I wish there could have been many more, there's never enough time with the ones we love it seems.  

Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers and sending you comforting wishes.

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Thank you, Kayc. I’m sorry for the loss of your sister too. I cant’t imagine a year and a half from now. My mind tricks me sometimes and I think he is just at home. Since we lived so far away from each other.  Then I realize I can’t just call him. It’s a tough reality. Our family has experienced all our losses (my parents, husbands parents and now my brother) in October and November. Fall time is rough for all of us. My husband and I just are trying to make Christmas special for our girls. 
 

thank you for your kind words. I appreciate someone listening and offering support. 

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When you live so far away, it's easy to think they are "just away," sometimes it takes time for this to all sink in.  With my sister it was the end of a long journey for her...she had been quadriplegic for 50 years, so while we miss her, we are also glad that she is free at last and no longer wheelchair bound.  I am so sorry your brother's loss came so seemingly premature, it's hard when they're still young.  Sending you comforting thoughts and prayers.

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