Ten Weeks

[dpodesta]

I was running an errand and had Carson with me that took me by the cemetary and I decided to stop because I knew they had a temporary marker there until the actual marker came in. To my surprise, the marked that I had order had come in and was there. As I write this, I can't help but think that is was all planned for that to happen and me see it on a Thursday. I didn't expect it to be here until August. Today has been a good day, I had my initial meeting with the WARM Place and even Carson seems excited to start going, and then to see this even though it seems strange to see Karen's and my names on the marker, there is some closuer there. I wish I could have stayed a little longer but Carson was ready to go, so I will have to go back sometime by myself. But I still feel the loss, this has made it seem a little more real and not so much a dream.

Derek

[kayc]

That is kind of how I felt when I picked up George's ashes...I felt so relieved to have them in my custody, and not with his family who hadn't appreciated him for who he was like I did. I want to keep him with me always, at our place.

[Guest PattiZ54]

I don't know how many of you read my post, earlier, about us taking Charlie's ashes to California last weekend, but my heart feels better knowing that his remains are just where he asked us to put them. It was the most "beautiful" day - gorgeous sunny day, on a lake with eagles and a butterfly.

It's a good feeling!

Patti

(Charlie 6/10/58-11/16/2004; I love & miss you, Dear!)

[dpodesta]

Yes Patti, I did read your post, that had to be the most worderful feeling and feeling of closure. This has given me that feeling of closure.

[Dusky]

Derek,

I’m so glad that the marker you had made has been put in place. These tributes we do to memorialize our loved ones are so very important – even though they bring a reality to the whole process.

Patti,

I did in fact read about your journey to that special place in California and spreading Charlie’s ashes – a beautiful tribute to a beautiful man. What you did and how you did it says volumes about the kind of person you are – and that is a very special person.

KayC,

I felt the same why when I brought Jacks ashes home. I knew that he was now home safe with me. His ashes were also mixed with our cat that died in 1991 and our dog (Dusky) that died in December 2004 during Jack's illness. Now they all wait for me to eventually join them – and then we will al be scatted over the 4 Peaks – a beautiful mountain range just East of Phoenix and visible form it’s Eastern skyline. In the meantime – they all remain safe with me.

John – Dusky is my handle on here

Love you Jack

[dpodesta]

Good to hear from you John, are you doing better this week?

Derek

[kayc]

John,

I think it's important to do with one's remains what would be significant and special to them, that's why it's so important to know ahead of time what one's wishes are. George and I always wanted our ashes scattered together when the time came...we'd planned on selecting a place from a "favorite walk" together, but as it turned out, it was so hard for him to walk with me, he couldn't keep up because he would tire out so easily, yet our home in the country meant so much to him, he always called it "Our home in the clouds" because we are on a mountaintop with trees and birds and elk and deer and our own creek going by out in the back of our property...it was easy to me to see that this must be where our ashes are scattered...that's one reason it is so important to me to keep this property, it holds so many memories for us and for the kids, it is that place that they can come back to, I want my son to have it when I eventually die, to care for as a place him and his sister can get away to "retreat to", to remember the place where they grew up with their father and I, and a place of happy memories when George and I were married, and hopefully, a place with continually happy memories hereafter...

Edited June 19, 2006 by kayc

[Dusky]

Derek - Yes I'm feeling better this week - thanks for the message - there sure are some wonderful folks on here.

KayC - As usual your thougtts are beautifully stated - Hope all is as good as can be expected with you.

Love to all,

John - Dusky is my handle on here.

Love you Jack

[MzzButterfly]

My husband passed away two and a half months ago. The grave where he is already had a stone there for his grandmother and his aunt. I knew they were going to be putting his name on it, but when I went there and saw it I was a bit taken back. I had forgotten about this and it just made it feel so final to see his his name with the date on it. Needless to say it was not one of my better days.

[kayc]

It seems like anything that's final is hard, anything that takes us by surprise. It all comes to us in bits and pieces...I think it'd be too much if it were any other way. It's still hard for me, seeing mail with his name on it. And address labels...everyone sends address labels...like he's going to be using them. God I miss him, I miss his voice, I miss hearing him call up and say "Hi, Hon...I'm just going to be..." It's horrible, nobody should have to go through this, we aren't meant to take this. It's too hard on us. Look at me, it's been 12 months and 9 1/2 days and my eyes are swollen from crying and my heart aches. I'm so glad he never had to face this.

[Charlie]

Kayc

I think about that too, "I am so glad he did not have to face this" I would not have ever wanted my Charlie to face this pain of losing me. This is something only someone who has gone thru it can really understand. People still say " I can imagine how you must feel" NO THEY CANNOT. I had a dear friend who lost her husband 6 years ago and thought that must be terrible to go thru that, little did I know back then what it really felt like to lose the love of your life, your whole purpose for living, your future, your only real reason to exist.

I am so gratful for everyone here on this site because when I write how I feel inside you all REALLY understand. So happy that he did not have to suffer this pain, he suffered enough knowing he was going to die.

Thank to all you for being there.

Grace

[MzzButterfly]

Grace, your right, others can't imagine how it feels. They don't realize how your heart actually aches from missing them so much. I miss everything about him. He was such a loving, caring good hearted man. He use to say that he didn't know what he would do without me. We had so many plans for our future.

It was so unexpected, and he was only 36 years old. Every day just seems to get harder because it seems that the more time that goes by the more I miss him. Somedays I can't beleive this has happened. I am so thankful for the many wonderful people that I have found on here. My thanks to all of you who try to help us through even just for today.

Take Care,

Mzz.Butterfly