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Our Baby is gone

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We went to the hospital the morning of March 17th for my wife’s scheduled C-section of our second child. Being both excited and nervous, we immediately entered into a nightmare situation shortly after he was born at 10:33 am. He had a large tumor on his left hip that they had to transport to a different hospital for. Two days later he had the surgery and stayed in hospital for 18 days. We were discharged from hospital after we were told there was no cure for the aggressive cancer he had and a cat scan revealed it was speeding throughout his body. After being able to spend a month with us at home he passed away on May 6th. We are unable to even have a proper service for our boy since we live in a state that is still under stay at home orders. Our other son who is two has been a godsend in helping us deal with the Grief as he hasn’t truly grasped what is happening. People have reached out and offers support and asked what we need but we really don’t have things to say. They say time heals all wounds and everything happened for a reason but I think we will be forever broken along with not sure what only being able to have your son around for 51 days proves.

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Oh my friend, I am so sorry to learn of the death of your precious baby boy. And of course having him for only 51 days proves nothing. As a mother whose experience was similar to your own, I know that no explanation or reasoning will suffice.

I hope that you will find some useful information and solace in this article ~ and note the extensive list of resources listed at the base:

Silent Grief: Pregnancy and Infant Loss  ❤️

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13 hours ago, GrievingDad said:

I think we will be forever broken along with not sure what only being able to have your son around for 51 days proves.

I am so sorry.  I wish people wouldn't say things like "It's God's will..." (how do THEY know God's will?  Do they know the mind of God?) "Everything happens for a reason."  (Tell me what then that reason could possibly be!  He had a family who loved him, a home to come to!)  No these cliches are not helpful, if anything, hurtful.  People say them because they don't know what else to say and feel they should say something.  Grievers know there is nothing one CAN say that will help us "feel better," just BE with us, do something tangible like bring a meal, mow our lawn, but DO NOT SAY STUPID CLICHES!  It is a sore spot with all of us.  We know they mean well but...

I lost three to miscarriage, one of those times I was further along and people act like it's not a big deal because they weren't born, but they were loved and welcome and it broke my heart.

To hold your child and then lose them, is harder yet.  I am just so sorry..

I'm glad you found this place.  I'm glad you expressed your feelings, it helps to get it out and know you're heard.  Marty has a vast array of helps here, I hope you will read and post and allow yourself your grief.  Grief has a beginning but not an ending.  Some will think you should be "over it" after a period of time, you won't be.  Ever.  But little by little you will process your grief and one day it won't hurt with the same intensity as in the beginning, although that seems unfathomable right now.  It will NOT mean you love him any less, it only means our bodies are amazingly resilient at adjusting to what we must as we work through it.  

There is nothing fair about any of this.  I lost my sweet husband when he had just had his 51st birthday.  He died on Father's Day 15 years ago next month.  Every day I see couples, far older than we and they are still together.  Nothing fair about this.  But I carry him with me in my heart and our love continues still.  Nothing can kill that.  And I look forward to being with him again one day.  For now I continue with that knowledge.

Sending you thoughts of comfort and hopes of peace for your broken hearts.

You are thankful for your two year old.  You have shown already you are grateful for what IS as well as heartbroken for what isn't.  That is key to survival.  (((hugs)))

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