Children

[dpodesta]

It has been 11 weeks now and I have been working on the house to get things fixed that have needed it for a long time. Yesterday Carson (Who is 7)wanted me to play a game on the Playststion with me. I told him that I needed to keep working on the fence that I am replacing. He broke my heart when he said "you never want to spend time with me". I know that I am avoiding things by keeping busy, I never stop until bedtime. I know that I am doing this and I need to take some time out, but at the same time I am afraid to stop. I am still running on denial, I don't want to believe Karen is gone and won't return. Everywhere I look there is Karen, in fact I couldn't find where I put her cell phone the other night so I called it from my home phone and it picked up and it was her voice saying her name for the message, talk about throwing me for a loop. Who else has experienced this and how long did it go on?

Derek

[kayc]

I has been a year for me and I still keep busy and don't like being alone and thinking, which of course I can't totally avoid. Maybe you should just be frank with Carson and tell him that you keep busy so you don't have time to think about Mommy because the hurt from missing her is still so fresh. Tell him how important he is to you and you're sorry he's felt you don't want to spend time with him. Tell him you do want to spend some time with him and ask him how he'd feel about having a regular time to do stuff together...it might be a time set aside every day for a game or to toss a ball...or it might be a once a week thing to take an outing or something...sometimes he picks, sometimes you pick...if you want some control over what it is, maybe write down several things and put them in a box and you could take turns picking one out, something like that.

As to the cell phone, George always used a cell phone but I didn't use them as much, so I wasn't that savvy with them, and when he died, I was extremely distraught when his voice disappeared...I had thought as long as I didn't erase his messages they would remain...I cried and cried when I lost the "last of his voice". But one day I was listening to a message on my home answering machine and I heard his voice on it...that was hard...but it's even harder now that it's gone. Still, I will never forget his voice as long as I live, no matter whether it's recorded or not.

Edited June 24, 2006 by kayc

[Bebekat]

A couple of months after Tom Died I called his cell phone, not because I lost it, I just wanted to hear his voice. When the message picked up I burst into tears, it hurt so much. It was losing him all over again. I never did that again.

[MzzButterfly]

It has been two and a half months since my husband passed away, so I don't have an answer for you as to how long it goes on for. I too know that I am avoiding things by keeping busy. I think I'm afraid if I stop then I may crash. I am so thankful that I came across this sight. Take care.

mzzButterfly

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

I have no children of my own but I live with my sister and her family.

She has a six year old girl, a four year old boy and a two year old boy. The four year old boy constantly mentions that he missing his grandmother and pappa. I say back to him I do too, I than say things that he would remember doing with them. This seems to help him by knowing that I miss them as well. I will freely talk about them with him because he wants to talk about them. I think if a child mentions them they want to talk about them. I think people need to listen to what the children are saying and communication is the key. Keep it open and honest and your children will be greatful. Take care Shelley