My baby boy passed away in the hospital after 28 days fighting 😞

[Watermelon]

My baby boy, Watermelon, was 4 yearsold when he passed away. It was just few days ago and I’m still in so much pain and covered with guilt.

I’m in Australia and my baby boy was in Vietnam with my parents. Due to covid-19 I couldn’t fly back to be with him during the whole time he was hospitalized.

He had been diagnosed with intestinal tumor and the Vets did exploratory surgery and removed 55 cm of his intestine. The vets said he was in danger and complications could happen anytime. He was on IV fluids for 15 days, no eating and drinking because the Vets was afraid his intestine had not been healed. I was very skeptical about that and seeing him looking for food after the surgery hurted me so much. 

He got better when the Vets started feeding him a bit of nutritional gel and meat soup even though it was just a bit. 5 days later he had to go through second surgery due to a hole in tummy muscle which I’m sure that it was the Vets’ fault. 

He recovered well after the second one as well. They started feeding him more but still not enough for my baby as I could see he was still hungry. They took IV fluids off him for 2 days but still maintain the level of food that they were feeding while he was on IV fluids. He collapsed 1 day after off IV fluids. He was legarthy not interested in eating anymore. They did ultrasound and found that he had pancreatitis and really low in blood (He was low in blood after the first surgery and they had given him iron everyday) 

They did IV fluids for him but it was too late. I still remember the day they started again IV fluids he couldnt move only screamed and he kept drooling. But he still recognized my parents when they touched him he stopped screaming but screamed again when the Vets touched him. The next morning he was totally unconciousness only could blink eyes when I called his name. He passed away in the afternoon in an oxygen cage after a trembling and seizure. 

I feel so guilty because I couldn’t do anything for him when I was so far away. I insisted the vets to feed him earlier but they refused. I insisted my parents to move him to other hospital or to bring him home and feed him otherwise he would starve to death but my parents didnt want to do that. My parents love him and visited him twice a day every day. Everytime they video called me. But they were too stubborn and blindly trusted the vets. 
I’m obsessed about the way he died, in pain. I’m obsessed and feel so much guilt thinking about how traumatized he was in the hospital with all the vets. They kept injecting him and operated him. He must be in so much pain. If only I had known that he couldnt make it I would insist my parents to bring him home and took care of him until his last breath. At least he was at home comfortable.

Now I keep thinking about how miserable he was during his last 28 days on earth. He must feel we abandoned him in the hospital with all evil vets make him pain and he could never go home anymore. That thoughts haunt me everyday and ruin my sleep. 

I feel devastated and in so much pain. Please tell me he was not in pain. Please tell me he didnt feel we abandon him. My parents visited him everyday and he seemed not angry at them everytime they came he stood up waiting for them and purring and coming to my mom’s legs for cuddle. 

But i still feel so bad thinking about how hard and how pain he had to go through and still couldnt make it. 

I dont know how I could get over this guilt. I’m so devastated couldnt eat anything and I’m pregnant now 😞. I’m so sad 

[GMS]

Sorry for your loss. I know it must have been hard to not be there for him but it was out of your control and your parents were very nice to visit him so often and be there with him. It's hard to say what the right course of treatment was but I think the vets did what they felt wuld give him the best chances.

[kayc]

I am so sorry...I think we all have regrets about the end as we want so much for them to be healthy & happy.  I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to not be able to be there to provide comfort through the end.  I'm glad your parents were there.  My sister's dog died from Pancreatitis very hard to turn around or stop once starts.

I hope the thoughts in this video bring you some comfort, it helps me to have hope of seeing mine again.