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My son

Jacks mum

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Hello, new here so I'm looking for a bit of help or guidance if anyone could offer any.

My 17yr son went out on the evening of boxing day and didn't come home, this was out of character for him, we had a come home time limit of 10pm he had before pushed it to half ten but never more. I'm not going to lie and say he was an angel but he was a good boy and would always be home. His dad went out it 11pm to try and find him and his friends drove around till 3am, we started looking again at 8am thinking he would be walking home a bit the worse for wear.

The incident is with the police but it does seem clear he was coming home and fell into the water near us, heading home - would have been 10 more minutes and he'd of been here,  its probably obvious to people on here that as his mum I'm finding it a bit tough to deal with, people have been kind but it seems so hollow, people keep asking if we are okay but I don't ever think we will be,  I am doing my best to just get through the day, the big problem I have is that his dad and two brothers (8 and 14) don't seem to be processing things, the little one cried when I told him, has been playing all his sad songs on repeat but since said nothing, the big one hasn't really cried, the police said we could have a councilor but the appointment hasn't come through as it is Christmas, anyone got any advise?

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My heart reaches out to you in your pain, dear one, and I am so very sorry this has happened to your son, to you and your family. You don't say whether your boy's death has been confirmed by the police, and either way I cannot imagine how horrible this must be for all of you.

It looks as if you're in the UK, so I'm not familiar with whatever bereavement services are available to you there, but for your sake and for the sake of your family, I hope and pray that you won't try to deal with this tragedy all by yourselves. I can point you to some resources that are available online, and I encourage you to explore them. I'm also gratified that you've found your way to this warm and compassionate place. We will be with you as long as you want and need us to be, offering reliable information, comfort and support, and we welcome you with open arms and caring hearts.

Here are some suggested resources ~ and note that each article contains links to additional ones:

When A Child Dies: Resources for Bereaved Parents

Blogs (and Books) for Bereaved Parents

Traumatic Loss: Needing to Know The Details

As for your other two sons, please know that the best way you can help them with their grief is to take care of your own grief first.

I don't want to overwhelm you with too much information, but if and when you are ready, you'll find information to help you with them here: Helping Grieving Children: A List of Suggested Resources


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I am so sorry.  To have this happen at the holidays seems to add to it, although there is no good time.  Just know that everything you feel is normal for grief, we all handle it differently but enough commonality to relate too.  Soon the holiday will be over and I hope you can get in to the counselor very soon.  This is something no one should ever have to go through...losing my husband suddenly/unexpectedly was the shock of my life, we thought it would be years and years before either of us died...but your child, that is unthinkable to any of us.  Best advice I know is one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time.

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