My cat died in a domestic accident

[Luiza]

During this pandemic and social isolation me and my boyfriend started living together and about 4 months ago we decided to adopt two pretty tabby kittens, Cookie and Link. Since it was my first time having a pet I thought I should adopt only one, but my boyfriend and friends convinced me two cats would be better since they make company to each other. So I adopted two sisters and called them Cookie and Link.
Link died yesterday.

I am currently at my family's house so I could spend the holiday with my mom and family at their house, which is far away from the city I live, so I left my kittens under care of my boyfriend and his family. My boyfriend and I would go on a trip for 4 days to the beach after I came back and they would be under care of my mother-in-law.

So, Link died yesterday and my boyfriend told me by phone He was going to a friend's house get a tent for our camping trip and left Link and Cookie with his parents. He was also not there when Link died. I was told she entered the couch and twisted her little neck. At first I thought it was a joke, then my boyfriend freaked out and I told him it haopens and he should calm down, then I realized my baby Link has died and freaked out too, and being crying since then.

I honestly never thought losing a pet would hurt this much, but me and Link were very close, she always asked me for affection and we often slept together, she followed me everywhere on our little apartment and would meow in a cute way when I served her food or hugged her. I spent so much time giving her my love and taking care of her and it's hard to believe I will never be able to hug her again.
She didnt deserve to die, she was such a cute and behaved kitten I cant believe she passed away.

I have a weight on my chest, I have told my bf and his family that this isnt their fault but I cant stop thinking that I should have brought Link with me, or asked someone else to take care of her, or that if they really kept and eye on her she wouldnt be dead
She suffered such an unfair death, I wanted she to get old with me, Cookie and my boyfriend, and she died so young..
I also think about Cookie, she and Link were sisters so they were always together playing, napping and sharing their life, this is so unfair! Why is Link dead??
My boyfriend and Link were also pretty close, he is also suffering and feeling guilty for her death, I can imagine.


I dont know what to say to comfort him, I dont know if we should still go on our trip where we would have friends and maybe free our minds a little, I dont know if I should adopt another cat to make the three of us company.

Yesterday I started searching for kittens to adopt, I thought Cookie needed a company. But honestly I thought a new cat would replace Link and now I realize no cat could ever replace Link and the special bond we shared in our time together. And this makes me sadder.
I just wanted Link back but I know this is not possible. It breaks my heart that I wount be able to share my life with her anymore.

I also dont feel safe in letting Cookie with my bfs family, maybe its unfair but I just cant help feeling unsafe and thinking this wouldnt have helped if she wasn't there.

I truly love my bf and his family has always been good to me, I know they are sad for what happened to Link, but I cant help myself with those thoughts, if only...


Honestly there is a lot going thought my head so I am here looking for comfort and maybe some answers...

Should I go to the trip? Should I still trust my family in law? Should I adopt another cat? Why did Link die?

I will love you forever Link, you were the best cat someone could ask for and I loved you very much 💔
 

[MartyT]

I'm so sorry this happenend to your beloved kitten Link, my dear, and the questions you raise are completely understandable. Unfortunately we have no answers, but we're certainly here to offer the support and comfort you need and deserve. It seems as if whatever happened to your precious Link was an accident, as it's doubtful that your boyfriend's parents set out intentionally to bring any harm to her. I hope for your sake (and that of your boyfriend) in time you'll find it in your heart to forgive them ~ but right now it's only human for you to be feeling as you do, so I hope you'll allow yourself to feel and express those feelings ~ all the while remembering that feelings are not facts. We cannot always control what we are feeling, but we do have control over what we do with with our feelings. I encourage you to find someone you can talk to about all of this ~ someone you trust who can listen without judgment, who can act as a sounding board as you work your way through this tragic loss. 

Reading a bit about the grief that accompanies pet loss may help you to feel less "crazy" and alone. You might begin with these:

Pet Loss: Negligence or Accident?

Loss and The Burden of Guilt

Pet Loss: Coping with The Trauma of An Unexpected Death

[kayc]

I am so sorry, Link was so sweet and adorable, I can only imagine how you must be feeling.  Your questions are valid and understandable given what you are going through.  No one can answer them for you, you can only explore them yourself, I pray you will do what is right for you.

It sounds like what she did could have happened anywhere, on anyone's watch.  Unless they have an unsafe couch, which is unlikely.  I'm not sure I understand how it happened exactly unless she just landed wrong?  It's just a horrible unfortunate incident.  You are feeling very protective of your remaining kitty, which is understandable...grief affects us that way.  It may feel too soon to go on your trip, you're deeply grieving, but then again, it might be a welcome break...IF you can focus and enjoy yourself, I reckon you won't know if you don't try.  It could help you or it could be a bust.  Regardless, it's not wrong to go, it's not wrong to stay, it's only what feels best to you.  

Your BF and his family aren't irresponsible, he made sure the cats were cared for in his absence, what any responsible pet owner would do.  It's a reasonable assumption nothing would happen.  And nothing his family did/didn't do contributed to this horrible accident.  It is common/normal to go through all of the what ifs in early grief, trying to make sense of the nonsensical, trying to come up with a different possible outcome...only there isn't any, only the one that happened.  Reality can be harsh and very hard to process.  It takes time.  You will make your way through even this, somehow we do, but I won't kid you, it's the hardest thing in the world I've been through, I hate it.  My dog passed 8/16/19 from cancer, I'm not "over it" and never will be, I loved him with all of my heart and soul and always will.  He has a place in my heart forever.  

You are right, one cat does not replace another.  But what they can do is bring their own qualities to your household and create a loving spot in your life and heart, and that of Cookie.  Their interaction and bond may be different, but most adjust to each other, even if not from birth, she's still pretty young.  I adopted kittens (sister and brother) Midnight and Autumn.  Midnight died because someone set a trap on our property and he was caught in it for five days until gangrene set in, by then it was too late to save him.  We had looked everywhere, talked to neighbors, etc and could not find him.  When his paw disintegrated from the gangrene, he was able to pull it free from the trap and made his way back to us.  It was horrible.  We gave him a can of salmon and then ended his life, there were no vets near and we knew he couldn't survive a long trip.  Autumn blamed us for Midnight's death and never forgave us.  She no longer wanted in the house, she'd cringe away if we tried to pet her, but she hung around outside on our patio.  She became an outdoor kitty, made it to age 14, she was arthritic and old before her time, outdoor living is harsher.  Prior to this, Midnight slept with my daughter and Autumn with me, usually curled up by my head.  That moment in time changed not only Midnight's life, but Autumn's.  I tell you all this to say, it might help Cookie to get another kitten.  We didn't and I think it might have helped Autumn.  It's hard knowing what they're thinking but Cookie is still very young and as such, should adjust to the changes in the household, will undoubtedly need extra attention from both of you in so doing.

I hope you'll update us whatever you decide.  I'm glad you came here, it helps to express yourself and share the load a bit.  

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2018/06/pet-loss-supporting-your-grieving-pet.html