Time

[enna]

5/23/2021

 Time 

I have heard many times that we don’t understand unless we have gone through the same thing.  I do not believe this … I have many friends who DO understand, and they have not gone through similar situations.

If someone has lost a spouse to death one does not have to experience a similar loss.  Even those who have lost a spouse have their own sense of loss.  One may have had a long loving relationship, and another may have had a long relationship, but the love was not as intense.

I believe that there can be no comparisons made in grief.

Grief is grief. Loss is loss.

It seems like such simple statements, but they are full of so many different meanings.

On the 25^th of this month I will have spent nine years without the love of my life.  I am not where I was back then.  I hope I have grown from this experience.  The early days of my grief are clouded in pain and sorrow from having lost my husband.  We were married for forty years.  We have an amazing daughter who gave us three beautiful grandkids.

I am learning how to move through each day on my own.  There are ups and downs.  One thing I have learned is that this journey is mine and only mine.  Others can and have walked with me, but the journey is mine to navigate.

I am grateful for those who have not let me take this journey alone.  I have friends who have encouraged me when I wanted to give up.  Friends who have allowed me to be sad without trying to cheer me up.  Friends who have sat with me in my darkness.  Friends who have been with me these ten years.  Friends not afraid of saying his name for fear of making me sad.  How could I be sad when I hear his name?  Jim. 

I thank them for their friendship.

Time does not fix anything.  Grief is work.  I have found that I had to allow the pain and sadness. I am a crier, so I cried.  I remember the screams in the shower or in the car or at night before I went to bed. I sought help since this was new territory for me. I had experienced loss before but not like this loss.  I read and reread about grief.  I bought books to read and later bought the same book not even remembering that I had read it before. I tried to understand why this loss was so devastating to me.  It was because of how Jim made me feel.  Loved.

I am in a very different place today.  I will always miss my Jim.  I find joy in watching my grandkids grow up.  I am grateful for each day.  I take pleasure in small things.  I am at peace with my life as it is today…more often than not.

Anne

Edited May 25, 2021 by enna
nine years - entering my tenth!

[kayc]

I have not experienced family/friends who understood that have not been through it...I'm glad that has not been your experience.  Before it happened to me I could not have understood in the same way.  My little sister lost her child, I have experienced things that I can relate some but not totally.  You are right in that we cannot compare. 

We have traveled this grief journey a long time, it's hard for me to believe my George has been gone 16 years come Father's Day.  It feels both like yesterday and forever at the same time.  The mere passage of time does little to assimilate our grief, it's what we do with it, for sure.  I've learned so many nuggets/lessons along this journey, yet being human would trade everything for five more minutes with George.  I'm glad it's not ours to chose...when the five minutes were up I'd be in worse shape I'm sure, with it hitting me afresh.

I've heard "Hope Springs Eternal" and I like that.

I'm glad I've gotten to know you in this journey, Anne.

[enna]

Thank you for your kind words, Kay.  We have been on this journey for a long time.  I am entering my tenth year. I have only had a few friends who have stayed with me.  My family not so much.  I too would like Jim to be here with me.  Anne

[kayc]

I love and respect you and although I wish you sill had your Jim, I'm glad I've gotten to know you.  

[enna]

Kay,

You are so sweet.  I am glad I know you also.  We have been on this journey for many years.  Thank you for your kindness. 

Anne