My Son

[Avilak1]

On May 14,2021 my son shot himself without warning to any of us he took his own life he left behind two small children a house he just bought. 3 brothers his mother (me) and his father grandparents who loved and adored him and an entire town that has now been divided by a women who claimed that she saw the whole thing on face time after bullying him all night long because of this situation i i had a very private ceremony not inviting his close personal friends not knowing who we could trust. Three days after his suicide she put a claim on his life insurance which forced us into probate getting a lawyer and having to fight against this women who was never married to my son or living with him at the time i just feel paralyzed by all of it and very depressed I'm not working right now i have been looking for a job but i can't seem to get out of bed these days and I'm scared because i feel I'm becoming a burden to my other children I'm just very depressed i feel hopeless and don't now how to move forward  

[MartyT]

I'm so very sorry to learn of your son’s tragic death by suicide, and I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling in the aftermath of this sudden, unexpected loss. Although there is nothing I can say to diminish your pain at this sad and difficult time, I do want to offer you some additional information that I hope will be helpful to you. As I'm sure you already know, you are facing one of the most difficult bereavement crises imaginable ~ not only the horror of suicide, but also the loss of your precious child. Although suicide is one of the leading causes of death among young people in this country, we still see in our society a very strong emotional reaction against this form of loss. People you know may have reacted to the news of your son's death with silence, hoping that if they ignore this dreadful event or refuse to take note of it, it will simply go away. At a time when you need the support of others the most, you may be left feeling very isolated and alone. Suicide is different from other deaths in many ways, and the grief experienced following this loss may feel very different as well. With understanding and encouragement, I hope that you will claim your right to grieve this death of your beloved son and find the bereavement support you need and deserve. 

Coping with grief effectively comes from understanding what is going on, learning what to expect and discovering what you can do about it. You might begin by visiting some of the sites listed in this article: Grief Support for Survivors of Suicide Loss. I also strongly suggest that you contact the local chapter of The Compassionate Friends, whose mission is to assist families coping with the death of a child. As I’ve said repeatedly in these forums and elsewhere, I believe very strongly that the more you know about grief, the better prepared you are to deal with it. 

It's understandable that you don’t know how you'll make it through this, and I want to say that you make it through by taking it in small doses, one day, one hour, one minute at a time, and also by finding someone to lean on. Don’t even think about trying to do this alone. You make it through by talking about your son with your other family members and with whomever else you trust. Too often when we lose someone to suicide we think we cannot talk about our loved one or about the manner in which the person died, which means that we don't even have our stories and our memories of our loved one to bring us comfort. Remember that your son's life was much, much more than the final moments of his life and the way that he happened to die. 

At some point it may seem to you that your friends and relatives have already "moved on with their lives." One of the great difficulties with grief is that oftentimes others are finished with our grief long before we are finished with our own need to talk about it. That's why this online discussion group can be so helpful. It's anonymous, and it's available to you at no cost, seven days a week, 24 hours a day. I hope you will continue participating in a bereavement support group, whether it is online or in person. I can assure you that no one in a grief support group will ask why you're still mourning the loss of your son, no matter what caused his death. People in grief support groups already know in their gut and from their own experience that you'll never stop missing the child you've loved and lost. 
 
I don’t know where else you’ve looked for individual support, but I want to suggest some alternatives. Call your telephone operator or public library and ask for the numbers for your local mental health association or your local suicide prevention center. Either agency will have good grief referral lists. You need not be suicidal to get a grief referral from a suicide prevention center. Use the Yellow Pages and call hospitals and hospices near you. Ask to speak with the Bereavement Coordinator, Social Worker, or Chaplain's Office to get a local grief referral. Many hospitals and hospices keep a good referral list of grief counselors who are in private practice, and most hospices and many places of worship offer grief support groups at no cost. (The National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization maintains a database of hospices for each state in the United States. To search for a hospice in your own community, click on Find a Care Provider.)

I hope this information proves useful to you, my dear. Please accept our deepest sympathy over the loss of your beloved son, and know that we are thinking of you. ❤️

[kayc]

OMG, this sounds the most tragic situation ever heard of, I am so sorry for your pain!  Marty responded well to you so nothing to add here except my deepest sympathy.