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Not doing well


Ztyu123

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I'm not doing well or close to it

I miss you every second with everything in me

My arms miss you .....with absence and space 
My face misses you ....with tears.
My heart misses you...with emptiness. 
I hated cleaning today, I will never erase you 
I hate not crying automatically anymore,  because  I feel like my heart has betrayed the both of us.

I honestly don't want to live.
I will never be happy without you.  
There's nothing to discuss with a therapist,  nor do I need one.
Theres nothing wrong with trying to achieve a hopeful happiness , and state of mind, 
Please don't post hotlines 
I'm not suicidal 
I'm trying to live
Life isn't achievable here.

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You just described how I feel. I cannot cry anymore, not because I don't want to or I don't feel pain, but because aindont feel anything but emptiness. The idea of a life without him, does not make sense. I don't want that live. I want to hold him, kiss him, hug him to sleep.

I cannot breath nor do I wish to breath. I am cutting myself because while I feel the pain in my skin, for a few moments, I don't feel it inside of my body. It is like a hole, a huge hole that has taken away all my hopes, all my happiness.

I am taking pills everyday but nothing,nothing can bring him back. I am trying to live too, for him. Because he wouldn't want to see me dying. But it's getting so hard. Why my baby? Why?

 

Ztyu123, I don't know you and I don't even know your name, but I hug you, I feel you, I wish I could help you. 

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@Andrea.93 I am so sorry for your pain and all you are going through with the loss of your baby...it helps to express yourself and know you're heard, and you're welcome to post any time and tell us about him.  It helped me to write memories of my Arlie and Kitty, to tell of their lives, in so doing, immortalize them in a way.  I didn't want them forgotten.  I also wrote of my Arlie's cancer journey, and of the end of Kitty's life, she was 25, the oldest cat I ever had, both of them so unique and remarkable to me.

Sending you hugs wherever you are...I hope you too will watch this short video and that the thoughts conveyed in it bring you some comfort...

 

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@kaycThank you so so much for your kind words.

 

I want to write a post about him, about my Yurko. I want to write about the way we found each other, about the way we helped, loved and made our life whole. I want everybody to know what an amazing and perfect son he was to me. But I Ieed some time, because it's been only a week. Today, it's been 7 days since his heart stopped and with him, my heart stopped and broke into a thousand pieces as well. Cancer. A sudden, dammed and disgusting cancer killed him in less than two days. And all I can write about is sadness and hopelessness. 

 

I loved the video. I love it and I know that he is running and sleeping under the sun..oh my dear, how much he loved the sun! Almost as much as he loved us. Running, sleeping and sunbathing were his hobbies. I hope the next post I can write will be more hopeful, and you will get to know his history.

 

Sending you a great hug from Spain.

IMG_20211003_233640_422.jpg

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He is beautiful, reminds me of my whippet, Lucky (rescued from abuse).  I write stories of my Arlie's life here: 

And our cancer journey:

 

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