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Loss of Brother and mother

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My brother died of covid on Aug. 30th.  I am still so angry.  He chose not to be vaccinated or wear a mask.  I found out he was in the ICU when my sister-in-law posted on fb.  He left 5 children; the youngest two are in high school.  18 days later (10 days after my brothers calling hours and funeral) my mom died of a massive heart attack.  That same day my Dad tested positive for covid.  The family physician said that if mom had lived 12-36 hours longer she too would have been covid positive.  This means that my parents probably contracted covid during my brothers calling hours on Sept. 7.  I did not attend my brothers calling hours or funeral.  I knew there would be no precautions taken.  I am still dumbstruck and angry.  I work for a funeral home so I did go and see my brother's body for closure.  My husband and I had a memorial service for him at our home (we live about 5 1/2 hours away).  I did go see my Dad after mom passed away.  If I am with my Dad I am masked.  He is in a rehab, having trouble recovering.  He is currently holding his own now.

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I am so sorry for your losses!  To have all this hit at once is beyond too much.  And to learn about it on FB?  I am so sorry, that should never happen with family.  Our community FB Chat recently took a poll of whether it's okay or not to post pics of accidents on FB, I advocated strongly NO because of a family tragedy I underwent at 14, we didn't have FB then but we came upon the accident after it happened and that visual stays in your brain differently and affects us greatly.  

I hope in time you can forgive your brother, people feel strongly whichever side they believe and something like this just reinforces your feelings, undoubtedly.  Darned if it's not hard though and we always wish we could go back in time and have a do over only that option is never availed to us.  We only know foresight, not hindsight, I'm sure this is hard for his wife and kids, esp. the kids as they have no say so.  

I'll be praying for your dad, so hard.  My friends are suffering with Covid right now, one esp. is close to death, the other not well either, hospital sent him home so now his wife can't get cancer treatment that she needs badly, this could make the difference between life and death for her, not to mention she could get Covid.  Most were vaccinated. (8 out of 21 were not).  So this could have happened anyway.  It's hitting my community hard right now.  I've been quarantined all month just erring on the safe side.

This was written with loss of spouse in mind (I lost my husband over 16 years ago) but I hope something in it will be of help to you either now or on down the road...
Tips to Make Your Way through Grief

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Just know you aren't alone.  You've been hit with way more than any one person should in any given time though.  You WILL make your way through this but it's neither quick nor easy, it's learning to live without them here, learning to honor them and establish relationship with them in a different way.  These articles come to mind for you...
Continuing Relationships
Multiple Losses
Grief Process
How do I live without...
Parent Loss: Continuing Their Song
Parental Grief, helping them


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  • 2 weeks later...

I am so sorry.  You must be feeling, "It just never ends..." I'm sure you have a myriad of emotions in addition to the anger.  You will go through the whole gamut of them.  You are in my thoughts and prayers, I know this is really hard.  I hope you have some supportive friends by your side.  :wub:

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