What was that?

[Tama]

I lost my dear grandma 2 y ago , I lived with her all my life , it was strong relationship that why I couldn't handle it , at the start I met new ppl to distract myself from that fact , moved to my grandpa house after a couple of months he died too , at that time I used to dream about her everyday to a point it's started to annoy me , everything that trigger a memory of her or him I would avoid including ppl , I started to use substance it's worked in a way that I don't think about her or the fear that I will loose someone else , now I don't dream about her much last time it happened I Woked up crying , today I missed her and opened a vedioe of her I cried but at the same time I couldn't recall clear memories of her and me , as if I don't know her as if she was a stranger , is that normal , I thought if I forgotten her I'll be ok but now that it's happened it feels weird , or is this the end of my grief to her , I erised her from my memory , did this ever happened to someone before?

[kayc]

I am so sorry for your losses and how hard it's affecting you.

@MartyT ??

[MartyT]

2 hours ago, Tama said:

I thought if I forgotten her I'll be ok but now that it's happened it feels weird , or is this the end of my grief to her , I erised her from my memory , did this ever happened to someone before?

If I understand you correctly, ever since she died, you're been working very hard to forget your grandmother ~ to erase her from your memory ~ all in an effort to manage your grief at the loss of this most important person in your life. I am not surprised to learn that this is not working very well for you. The reason is simple: Death ended your grandmother's life, but it did not end the relationship you had with your grandmother! Love is forever, and your love for your grandmother didn't die with her. That love is still there for you, if you choose to keep it, nourish it and hold it in your heart. That is what we call "doing the work of grief".

Given the important role your grandmother played in your life, surely the love you shared has influenced the person you've become, and your memories of her are as precious and as meaningful as you allow them to be. Suppressing them does nothing to ease your pain, and doing so will do nothing to end your grief for her. In fact it will only make it harder. The fact that you're still having dreams about her is evidence that the unconscious part of you is still struggling to remember her and to come to terms with the loss of her. What would happen if you allowed yourself to remember all that love you shared with her?

Grief is a normal reaction to the loss of someone (or something) that we dearly love, and there are both healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with it. I encourage you to do some reading to better your understanding of grief, and you might begin with these: Grief: Understanding The Process and Bereavement: Doing The Work of Grief  ❤️