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Heart broken & numb


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Im not ready yet to tell Tiger's full story. As writing it down will feel to real. To see it there in black and white would hurt even more.

My beautiful cat Tiger was my loyal and loving best friend since 2010.

On the 14th January 2022 he peacfully passed away being cuddled by me and his paw being held by my husband.

I guess im here on this forum because I cant bring myself to find words to talk to my family and friends and also I feel like no one can truly ever understand the bond I had with Tiger. Im totally heartbroken. I keep sniffing his blanket with his smell on.

I feel totally heartbroken and numb. Tiger was my best friend and i love him so much. Everyone else had at some point let me down in life. But Tiger has been by my side for 12years. Loving me unconditionally, not judging me and always there for me.

Im really struggling. I miss him dearly..I have Tiger's brother still here. There from the same litter and were extremly close as brothers from when they were born.

Can I just be honest? Am I bad?

Because i am struggling to console my other cat who is clearly grieving. Its hard being around him as im surrounded by all of Tigers reminders. I have avoided fussing Tiger's brother who clearly needs me...its just so hard. 

Thats all i will write for now.

I love you tiger. Xx

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6 hours ago, My beautuful Tiger said:

Can I just be honest? Am I bad?

I assure you that you are not bad, my dear. Not at all. Years ago I had two cockapoos (littermates, one male, one female). I liked the female and took good care of her, but it was the male whom I really loved. He was my velcro dog and my soul mate. His life ended one day when he got hit by a car, and I found it very hard to accept that he was the one who died instead of his sibling. I struggled with guilt for feeling that way, just as you are struggling now. But gradually I came to realize that feelings are neither right or wrong ~ I really couldn't control how I felt ~ but I could control what I did with my feelings. So I continued to care for my other dog, and did the best I could to continue giving her the life she deserved. As a fellow animal lover, I trust that you will do the same.

Allow yourself to mourn the loss of your Tiger, even as you continue to care for his brother.  ❤️

See Pet Loss: Supporting Your Grieving Pet  

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Thank you for your words Marty.

9 hours ago, MartyT said:

I assure you that you are not bad, my dear. Not at all. Years ago I had two cockapoos (littermates, one male, one female). I liked the female and took good care of her, but it was the male whom I really loved. He was my velcro dog and my soul mate. His life ended one day when he got hit by a car, and I found it very hard to accept that he was the one who died instead of his sibling. I struggled with guilt for feeling that way, just as you are struggling now. But gradually I came to realize that feelings are neither right or wrong ~ I really couldn't control how I felt ~ but I could control what I did with my feelings. So I continued to care for my other dog, and did the best I could to continue giving her the life she deserved. As a fellow animal lover, I trust that you will do the same.

Allow yourself to mourn the loss of your Tiger, even as you continue to care for his brother.  ❤️

See Pet Loss: Supporting Your Grieving Pet  

 

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Please dont mind me here. I feel like this will become my online journal.

Im falling apart. 

I needed more time with Tiger. These last few weeks feel like a blur.

Im angry with myself as I try but fail to remember the last meal tiger ever ate as he stopped eating for 10days.

Im angry with myself as I cant remeber the last time I picked him up before he was ill. I want to remember every details of that moment but I cant.

Im angry with myself that I cant remember when he last meowed at me before he was ill. 

I miss you tiger soo much. Your my soul mate and best friend. I would do anything to be able to hold you. To be able to pick you up and rub you under your chin. Life just doesnt make sense with out you. Life feels empty without you. 

I just want to be with you.....

 

*******

Its January 19th 22

I waited tiger..i waited in your room all day. Snuggles waited too. I waited for you to just come around the corner and join me on your sofa. I looked over at your chair thinking you must be in the kitchen sleeping. I havent been able to actually speak for day's. I only wait to speak to you. I miss you Tiger....my heart hurts...there's a void....maybe you didnt feel like coming by me today. Maybe tomorrow...so i will wait in your room again tomorrow...

Love you my beautiful tiger..xxx

 

*****

January 20th 2022

It's before bed time...I miss you Tiger.

I waited again in your room most of the day. I looked over at your chair and at your spot on the sofa. I couldnt see you.. i mean in my head I pictured you there but it wasnt the same. I havent been out the house since everything happened. Only stepped out into the garden each day to see you. I still smell your blankets and look at your scratcher. Missing seeing you sat on there. Im still not verbally talking to anyone....it feels like to much. I know I cant keep this up forever. But im fine with it being like this right now..Snuggles meowed alot by the window today. I realised just how much your meows would fill the house....life is just empty...life is hollow...life is just functioning... I want to be on pause forever. To do you justice and be sad for you forever..just how i know you would be if it was me before you....

Goodnight my beautiful Tiger.

Xxx i love you...

 

 

 

 

Edited by My beautuful Tiger
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I am so sorry for your loss.  "Loss of Pet" to me is one of the hardest losses we can endure...they are our loyal best friend, our companion, they don't require much and are always ready to love us, loyal and giving.  They are the joy in our lives.  I lost my sweet beautiful Arlie (dog) to cancer and 4 1/2 months later, 25 year old Kitty, that was a couple of years ago.  It was devastating.  My son brought me a puppy and I love him more than I can say, yet for some reason it's hard for me to get another cat.  Someone is trying to foist one on me now, yet I'm resistant, I don't know why my hesitation.  Am I afraid I can't love him like Kitty?  IDK.  I've had cats all my adult life (50 years) so it's unusual to be without one.

I wrote about mine as I didn't want them forgotten, a way of immortalizing them I reckon.  You're still in shock it sounds, when you are ready.  Mine was written in bits and pieces as memories came, randomly, out of order, but I got it down.  

I also called Arlie my soulmate in a dog.  Kitty I related to, we were both ditched by the same person (XH).  Years later he called and since my hands always hurt, I put the phone on speaker...when Kitty heard his voice, she was instantly angry!  She stormed off in a huff, her face looking stricken.  I felt bad I'd put the phone on speaker, I didn't realize it'd have that affect on her.  I had to get off and go give her some attention.  I'd promised her a forever home and gave it to her.  I used to joke to people, "There IS eternal life!  She has it!)  I never dreamed she'd live that long.  And now she's gone.

The hardest thing in the world, losing them.

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

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16 hours ago, My beautuful Tiger said:

I do hope also i can tell Tigers story.

Here's ours...

 

 

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I look forward to your sharing hers when you are ready...

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