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Uncharted Waters


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I'm still processing and healing from the death of my husband 20 months ago. A year ago my husband's closest friend, who was also the best man at our wedding, was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. He was doing rather amazing with his immuno-therapy treatments, however things have shifted. His cancer is in different areas of his body and he ended up in hospital for a bit last month. I've know him and his family for 26 years, watched his kids grow up, went to many dinner parties he hosted (they were epic), and he was the one helping me with so much after my husband died.

I'm not sure how to face this. It seems at some point he will die, it's just a matter of when. Even if he lives 2 more years it will be hard. I feel myself putting up an armored barrier so it doesn't blend into my grief I have for my husband. It's like I'm protective with my husband's grief and don't want it tainted by any other form of grief. Maybe that's not possible 🤷🏼‍♀️ I also need to be careful not to allow undue stress into my life while dealing with the trauma and complicating factors around my husband's death. I'm currently on LTD while I heal and don't want to regress backwards and undo all the work I've done around my mental and physical well-being. I need to take care of myself, but I just don't know how to navigate this situation.

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I think you're doing it, best as you can.  Praying for your friend...

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I don’t think I’m doing it. I’m not really facing the situation and I’m kinda distancing myself so if/when he dies I’m not affected. Doesn’t seem healthy to avoid the reality of his situation, but it’s what I need to do. Well I guess that’s me doing it then. Seems weird to put him in a cue for my anticipated grief, like he’s holding a number at a deli counter.

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