Lack Of Purpose..

[gabrielle_land]

It's been 2 months now since my Chris is gone...days go by, but doesnt take the pain away... This week I finished with my architecture courses, and I have left just my thesis to end university.. I should feel "happy" to be now this close to my last step, but instaed I can't help crying and wishing he would be here with me sharing all this...he was my whole inspiration in keep me going, he was my support, my help.. I admired him profesionally and I always told him I wanted to be as good as he was, he would answer me that he knew one day Id be even better than him...he believed me in me so much. We were waiting for me to end school to marry..now it feels as if I'm about to finish something with a lack of purpose...I wanted him to be proud of me as much as I was so proud of him. It's like I dont want to do things if he's not with me, because it will even hurt to finish and know that he wont be there for the day we both were waiting, or the wedding we were both longing for years..

[dpodesta]

Gaby,

I know what you mean about lack of purpose. Granted having a 7 year old is plenty of purpose, but it isn't enough. The plans we had, things we wanted to do to the house, so on and so forth, is now gone.

You graduating still will make Chris proud of what you have accomplished, and to accomplish this in the midst of his death is a testimate to what you can do. Even though he isn't here phisically, he is with you. My prayers will be with you.

[Guest PattiZ54]

Gaby - I totally agree with Derek. Chris is STILL very, very proud of what you have accomplished! He sees it and I'm sure he's strutting around saying "that's MY woman"!! YOU should be very proud of yourself too - I understand how you feel about not having him to share it with. Life isn't at all what it used to be for us; I don't think any of us feel that we have a purpose anymore. I have my daughter and 3 grandkids, so as Derek said, I guess that's a purpose...but it's not the same. My husband used to come home from work and tell me "stories" about his day. He was a carpenter and always had something funny or interesting to tell me about his day at work. I miss those stories SO MUCH!!!

Anymore, life just doesn't seem worth enjoying. We enjoyed each other completely and now my happiness is gone. I can't even let myself go to enjoy the grandkids and I know that's not good. Life is WAY too short and I need to start getting myself out of this "rut". Before I know it, I'll be old and the grandkids will be in their own life...and then what?

Gaby, I think it would be OK with everyone here if I said that WE are ALL very proud of you!! A lot of people wouldn't have continued on under the circumstance, so I think it's quite the accomplishment and personally, I admire you!! Thanks for being a huge inspiration to me.

Hugs to you!! Qudo's, too!!!

[dpodesta]

Gaby, you have been on my mind today. I just wanted to know how you are feeling any better. I have been praying for you as you finish up your work in College.

[gabrielle_land]

Patti and Derek, thank you very much for your words and Derek thank you too, for your and prayers. You both brought a smile to my face, thnx for your support. You are as well in my prayers, blessings to all of you,

Gaby

[KarenH]

Dear Gaby,

Congratulations to you for finishing school. I know how hard it is to accomplish things and not be able to share it. I finally got a job I've been interviewing for for a year (school librarian), I started while Paul was alive and wish with all my heart I could share that success with him now. It aches. But I feel like this is an opportunity for me to try to open a new chapter, create some purpose...new colleagues...new challenges...lots of kids with their whole lives ahead of them.

I'm in the middle of remodeling the kitchen, we had talked about it for 2 years and never got it done because of his illness, so I figured it was time. Walked into Menards today and my head began to spin, all I could think of was last time we had been there together. I managed to get what I needed but felt like I was going to lose it on the way out. Sometimes it just hits you when you least expect it. Keep plugging away, Chris is proud of you as I hope Paul is proud of me. Now maybe you can try to start a new chapter as well, slowly. You have MUCH purpose on this Earth.

KarenH

[chrissy777]

Gaby,

Congratulations. I can relate with you on completeing things and it just seems meaningless sometimes. I have been taking courses to further myself in nursing which Jason encouraged me to do and I never wouldve started if it were not for him. Now i take these tests and I am so used to getting in my car right after and calling Jay to tell him how I did now there is no one to call. Things like this send me into a crying frenzy driving home and it just seems so unfair. I wish I could tell you everything will be alright but thats what people tell me and I am also 2 months out and hate hearing that. All I can say is I will be thinking of you. Take care

Chrissy

[kayc]

Gaby,

You have to know that your graduating is quite a feat of which you should not only be proud of yourself for, but you should know that he is as well. I believe they are aware of our accomplishments and are applauding us on. We were so close in life, how could we be any different in death? The difference only lies in our ability to reach each other...

[STARKISS]

Hi Gaby,

I am so very, very sorry for your loss, I can not even imagine what you are feeling right now. I too have loss someone but they were my parents and not my husband or significant other..Congratulations on finishing school, It must be really hard to have finished and have no one be there to share it with you... Take care and I will keep you in my prayers Shelley