Missing Your Childhood Home

[STARKISS]

Hi Starkiss here again,

I am thinking that I am just being silly but I have lived in my old house for twenty six years and recently had to vacate the premissess but now I am coming up to the one year mark since I left and boy do I miss living there... I think it is me just being crazy again but who knows Shelley

[Paul S]

Oh, shelley it is NOT you, you are NOT going crazy.

Like you, I had to vacate the premises. I lived in my childhood home for 32 years (22 till college grad, then the last 10 years of Mom's life.)

It is so tough. I do not drive down that street. I can see the old house when I drive down Main Street as it sits about 1 block in from the corner. I avert my eyes. I cannot look at the place. Too painful. The very idea of other people walking in my hallways, my rooms, my backyard... I thought I successfully dealt with it a few months ago when I prayed for the new owners. It was a psychological/spiritual release for me and it worked for a time. But then I saw that the new owners knew diddlium squattum about yard care. And then I saw my Mom's peonies and Rose of Sharon and lilacs in bloom, along with lillies I had gotten her for Mother's Day and Easter also in bloom, DID THE NEW OWNERS APPRECIATE ALL THAT??? Who knows?

I think part of my problem is that I still live here. I may move out of the area. I have just started a job search, focusing on my area of New York State, and if something turns up by Springtime I may relocate outside my hometown. (I may look for an additional part time job before getting something full-time, as I need to ease back into the professional workplace.) I may relocate outside of New York, too. I don't know. There are options, there always are. But moving outof the area may help me cope with the memories of my house. No when I think of the house and yard the pain of not being able to go there is made worse by my proximity to it. If I am far away, I think I can deal with all the memories.

But I know what you're feeling. The one year anniversary of my Mom's death is in a month-and-a-half. I am going to try to look at is as a triumph. I've gotten tis far, I've made it. Then maybe I can better cope with the living situation.

Edited September 29, 2006 by Paul S

[STARKISS]

Hi Paul S,

First of all, I am sorry for all that you are going through but thank you so very much for answering my post. It is so helpful to know that others are going through similar problems it means that I am not going crazy and that I am sort of normal... I will keep you in my prayers and hope that things get better for the both of us... Take care and God Bless you Shelley

[jc1030]

Shelly,

This isn't the same experience, but when my dad died, I took a drive through the old neighborhood I lived in and had to see the house I grew up in for the first 10 years of my life. Even though it's been 26 years since I lived in that house, I have to take a look at it on occasion. The man who bought the house has made a ton of changes, but it's still a comforting sight now and then. And now that my dad is no longer around, even more so. Last I saw the house, it was up for sale. Hopefully in the future when I pass by to look at it, the new owners won't be freaked out.

Jeff

[lorikelly]

I have to say that i am happy i live about 1 1/2hrs from where i grew up. i could not bear to go see my neighborhood or my house. not now, the pain is still so raw. maybe one day and if not that is ok also. lori

[Paul S]

Hi lorikelly, I hear you. I hope to live longer than 30 minutes from my old house. Thankfully the cemetery is south of town and accessible by backroads. I would be able to sneak in and out of town without having to see much anything familiar. Alas, now I am nine-tenths of a mile from Mom's old house and too many things are familiar.

[BeeMay]

Hi, my childhood home was pulled down a few years ago,didn't think about it too much at the time, but now that mums gone,and dads "odd" lol, I can't imagine driving down that street and not seeing it there.

regards

Bee

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

Thank you for replying to this post, I still miss living in the Bowmanville area but not so much about the house because I remembered what someone said to me. The house is a house and it is inside ourselves where the memories live... Take care and Thank you All for your kindness Shelley

[Chai]

Dear Shelley,

I just had to reply to your post. First of all, you are NOT crazy! No way! All the people o nthis thread feeling loss for their childhod homes is evidence that you are not crazy and you are not alone. We have a lot of special memories in these houses, and I think especially after loss, those intimate things like our old living spaces become even more precious, and it is sad to think that these homes are gone, too.

For 6 years I lived in a house that became very special to me, and it has been 8 (soon to be 9) years since I have gone into that house. I have been in the area but just couldn't stay to visit it again. Now, I am thinking more of that place since my dad passed away and hope to visit it again, although not necessarily go in the house. It will make me sad, probably, but I feel it is something in my grief process, and in my grief over the house which I never did anything about, that I must do.

...My dad built my a treehouse on that property, and I totally loved it. I wondered later, if the kids of that family liked the treehouse. I wonder if it's still there now, or gone to pieces? I hope it's still there...

You are not alone in your sorrow over your childhood home. (((Hugs))).

Take care,

Chai

[STARKISS]

Thank You Chai,

I just wanted to add that a few years after we had left, my friends and I went out for a drive we went through the town where I did my growing up and boy how it was so very different.. It was much bigger and there were so many new houses and so many new stores.. They asked me if I wanted to see my old house and first of all I thought no but would and said yes... So we ended up going past the old house and I saw they took out my dad's prize roses and that hurt a bit since I so wanted to take them with me in the first place and the family thought I was crazy... Secondly I noticed there was a for sale sign on the house again... My friends jokingly said wow the house must really not like the new owners and look they are selling it again.. I found out later the house did get sold and that the reason the owners sold the house was that they did not get along with the people in the neighborhood... You see when we lived there it was a happy place and everyone knew everyone and we helped each other out... Lots of time when my dad was just showing symptoms my neighbors would stop by in the day just to say hi and check on him while I was at work.. We made it seem that it was just a drop by and that no one was actually watching over him so that he did not know that he was being cared for ...We had the best of neighbors and I love them like family... After we did move one of our neighbors moved too.. They told us that it was just too different without my parents in the next house... I keep in touch with a few of them and we share memories.. Thanks again Chai.. Shelley