Mother In Law/best Friend Issue....

[JennO]

Hi guys...new mother in law issue wondered if anyone had some advice. My mother in law and I were never close..particularly because she wasn't a nice woman to my husband for a long time and because I wasn't making a friend out of her until my husband decided what kind of relationship he wanted with her first...

Anyway, we had a major blow out about a month ago and we haven't spoken since except for my son's birthday party..I answered the door, she was there, I greeted her, she ignored me and walked right in. I had 85 people at the house, so I didn't made a scene. It wasn't appropriate and she isn't that crucial to my life (because of her behavior, I don't want her to have much influence over my son...I know he his her grandmother, but kids need protection!)

Well...about two months ago she asked my mom what kind of tree I wanted for the front yard. My mom said she didn't know and she should ask me. She didn't, but again asked my mom if she had asked me for her. Mom told her she thought she should ask me about that..she wasn't sure. Well, she never did. Tonite, I found out that she called my husband's best friend, who has avoided me like the plague (and we have a very close group of friends, so it is very obvious) and planted a tree in his front yard in memory of Jeff.

I guess what I am wondering is if I should be direct with his best friend and see what the deal is. I could care less about my mother in law,but I am finding that Joe (best friend) is creating issues with all our friends and the friendships are failing fast due to his behavior.

What do you think?

[TerryB]

Hi Jenn,

Maybe Joe is still having a hard time with Jeff's death and he avoids you because when he sees you it reminds him of Jeff. His behavior might be his way of dealing with his loss. He may be angry.

It's really too bad that your mother in law did not write you a note asking about the tree if she didn't want to talk to you directly about it. She also could have sent a gift certificate from a local nursery letting you know it was for a tree of your choice. Hopefully one day she will realize just how much she is missing out on because of her behavior.

Do you think that when your mother in law approached Joe about the tree he just wasn't sure how to handle it so just kinda said, whatever and she had the tree planted.He may not have known that your mother in law initially intended you to have the tree. Either way, I think if it were me, I would ignore the whole thing.

Terry

[kayc]

I decided to think about this one for a couple of days. My gut reaction was to ignore the whole thing and I still feel the same way. No thanks is necessry to your mother in law since the tree ended up with his friend instead of you. I don't understand her but some people it's best to not even waste the energy trying to figure them out. Don't let her get you down.