Dreams

[Laurie]

I've had a few dreams about Sean, but nothing unusual, just us talking and laughing.. everyday stuff. But last night was the first dream I had where he was sick. We were home and he wanted to go to bed, and I carried him to the bed (now Sean was a big man, there's no way I ever could have picked him up) but in the dream I did. I put him in our bed, and I got this Bruce Springsteen throw blanket (we both love Springsteen, but we don't have a blanket like this) and I put it over him. In the dream, I think I knew that he was dying. I wonder why I had this dream, I wonder if it means anything. Laurie

[AnnC]

Maybe you're just going over it again subconsciously? I had several dreams for a few months where my ex-husband was ill, and I took care of him. I live on the other side of the country from where he lived (seattle/Atlanta), and I wanted to help him but couldn't get the time off. He told me not to worry about it, he had the help he needed from friends, but he loved the long phone conversations we had. But it bothered me a lot after he died that I wasn't there. I felt like the dreams gave me the chance to care for him the way I wanted to. I felt like his spirit was there, giving me that chance. Then one night I dreamed he called me and told me to meet him at the beach, and I got there and hugged him. It was so real I could feel him, smell his clean cotton shirt -- so real. And he told me he is well and happy now, and danced around to show he no longer had the weakness and pain he had during his illness. It was a wonderful dream, and I pretty much stopped dreaming about him as sick after that.

Ann

[Laurie]

Ann, That is such a wonderful dream you had. I hope I have one like that. The more I thought about this today, I think it might have to do with the guilt I feel for not taking better care of him. The carrying could stand for caretaking. The blanket, well that day in the hospital, he only had a sheet on. I went and told the nurse I needed a blanket for him. But she brought it down herself because she needed to give him a pill anyway. I wish I would've been the one to put the blanket on him, and tuck him in. The Bruce Springsteen part? The only thing I can think of is, "The Rising" album came out the week me and Sean met. So every song on that reminds me of us in the beginning. I haven't been able to listen to it since Sean died. I hope I have a dream soon where he is holding me, I miss that the most of everything. Love, Laurie

[kayc]

Laurie,

I think your dream showed your desire to take care of him and be there for him. I feel the same way, that "his holding me" is what I miss the most. I am starting to write letters to him again. For a long time I couldn't bring myself to think about him too deeply because of the pain, but I'm trying somehow to find a level I can connect with him on again. I miss him.

[spunkye]

Oh, Ann,

what a beautiful dream. I wish I could dream dreams like that.

The last dream about Dick I remember was that he got mad at me and was going to spend the night at his first wife's house - and as he was leaving I said to someone, 'don't worry - he'll be back tonight'...then I said to myuself, no he won't, he's dead.

Yuk.

Love, Benita