I Closed My Mother's Apartment Today

[starrgirl]

Today I finished cleaning out my mother's apartment. My pastor (a sweety), his wife (another sweety) and another man from my church (I guess they're all sweeties!) helped me. I wanted to get it done by Thanksgiving so that wouldn't be hanging over me. It's done.

Now, I feel like I don't have a home. (Never satisfied... ). I'm so thankful to have it done, but it does feel like I'm homeless. I live in a rent house, but Mother's apartment was rented. It was just that I could always go there when I was just tired/discouraged/anti-social, just wanted to sit on the couch and veg. She and I heard a definition of "home" one time that we liked and laughed about occasionally. Home is where when you go there, they have to let you in. There's no place now that has to let me in...I have my own "home", but it's just not the same. I know it doesn't make a lot of logical sense, but then, most of this stuff doesn't.

I didn't cry the whole day, but did on the way to my house. (You notice I didn't say 'home'...)

Well, now I don't ever have to go down that street again. The nursing home where she was on hospice for 3 weeks before she died is on that street, too. I dont' know if I'll ever feel comfortable in that neighborhood again.

Thanks for letting me just tell someone... I'm OK. Really I am!

Martha

[shell]

Martha,

Good for you for getting over that hurdle, and I know how hard it was! Someday, there will be a place that you can call "home".

Big hugs,

Shell

[Leann]

Hi, Martha: Going through a loved ones personal belongings is so very hard. Now that it's done, though, perhaps you can relax a bit.

I know what you mean about not being able to go back to your Mom's old neighborhood, the nursing home, etc. I don't think I'll ever be able to go into the hospital where my Dad was treated for his stroke and where he died. I can't even go for their bereavement activities, so I've gotten my counseling other places. It just hurts too much to go back there.

Take care.

Hugs,

Leann

[starrgirl]

Leann and Shell,

Thanks for the support. It's good to know that someone understands how I feel.

Hugs back atcha!

Martha

[jkw]

Hi Martha:

I know exactly how you feel. We just finished up my Mom's house last week, and it closed escrow on Wednesday, Nov 22nd. I have had to go through all of Mom's things. Some things, I just packed in boxes, and put them in my spare bedroom, waiting for a day when I can go through them.

One day last week, my husband and I were at Mom's and were getting the last little bit of things out of there, and in the corner of her garage, I saw something shiney. So I went and looked, and it was a little gold angel ornament, about 2 inches long. There was nothing else on the floor, just the angel. I told my husband that Mom must have left it for me!

I have 3 other living siblings, and I have been the only one who went through Mom's house and packed things up, and cleaned, and moved furniture...I did it all, with no help from any of them, which is why I believe Mom left me the angel. I was the closest to her, out of all the kids, and I think she was just letting me know that things were okay.

Take care and take each day as it comes. That's all we can do. It has been 5 months since Mom died, June 14, 2006, and it still affects me, every day. Some days are better than others, but I always am thinking of her! I miss her very much.

Take care,

Sincerely,

Kim

[shell]

Kim,

How wonderful about the angel...I'm sure it was from her too.

Hugs to you,

Shell