dpodesta Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 Everyone says that I need to be strong for Carson, how can I be strong for him when I can't be strong for myself. Who is supposed to be strong for me? My house is a mess and it is driving me crazy, but I don't feel like picking it up. I have to put up a Christmas tree for Carson, and I don't want to mess with it. He won't understand if I don't put it up. My life is good, but at the same time it sucks like hell. I don't want to go on living, but I have to for Carson. Life shouldn't be like this. I should want to live for myself, not someone else but it is Carson that keeps me here. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but I just need to get it out. Derek Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shell Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 Derek,I understand where you're at. I'm in the same place. I take care of my mom and my cats and I want to be there for them....I love them with all my heart, as you do Carson. But I get so tired of having no one there for me. There are days when I really wonder how much more stress and fear and pain I can take. Then I look at them and know I HAVE to make it, but sometimes I feel I'm going to crack into a million pieces. I have all the responsibility of everything on my shoulders (and so do you!) and it's scary as hell. I so relate to what you said about your life being good, but at the same time it sucks. I wish I had some answer. I'm still looking for one. If it helps at all, you are not alone. I think of you and Carson so much and just wish we were geographically closer so I could help. All we can dream of is that someday, something will happen that will make us feel alive and happy and secure. Just hang onto that hope.A very big hug,Shell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lorikelly Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 Derek Just do the best you can. put up a small tree not as big. we only put up a 4ft and my boys are ok. my boys are 8 and 11. explained to Carson, they understand more then we give them credit for. you are both grieving. i know it is hard to have to take care of him when you are a mess. just do your best. you are a wonderful dad and karen is guiding you. i am praying for you and i know that God will give us strenght. hang in there , we are here for you. Lori Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STOO Posted December 19, 2006 Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 Derek,From reading your posts these past months I know that you are a very good father. Yes, it is unfair that Carson does not have a mother BUT he has a wonderful father. Just continue to love him as you always have. Right now he is your lifeline; I'm happy for you that you do have your beautiful son. I know it sucks and it is not fair. Everyone here knows how unfair life can be, and we all suffer in our grief. Try putting up a tree, and carrying out any special family traditions. I think that they might bring you some comfort.I will pray for you and for Carson, that you will share some happiness this season. ~SToo~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now