Now I Feel Worse

[lindsey1984]

I started dating my boyfriend when my mom was first diagnosed a lil over a year ago. He has been here through it all and today he tells me that I am a negative person and he can't deal with it and the only reason he stayed with me for this long was because he knew I needed him.and felt bad for me. so he ended our relationship. I feel so angry he doesnt know how it feels to lose ur mom and what I am going through, sorry I can't be happy and positive all the time. It feels like I keep pushing everyone away. I feel so alone he was my main support ( but I'm too negative) what is that suppost to mean? and why am I getting so upset? I feel so angry all of the time and don't know why.

[jc1030]

Lindsey,

Although your boyfriend's words hurt, it is unfortunately the reality of what you'll be dealing with, especially with people who have not experienced the loss of a loved one.

One of my friends told me when her father died 20 years ago, she was in the middle of her grief when one day her then-husband asked when she was going to get over it already. That was the beginning of the end of their marriage. It was only years later when her ex-husband finally lost someone close to him that he told her he finally understood what she went through.

I have been very fortunate (and probably the exception to the rule) in that most of my friends have already lost a parent so they've been very understanding and I've been able to talk to them anytime. Bottom line is, what you've been experiencing during your grief has been normal, including the feelings of anger. If you can't find anyone in your family or circle of friends to talk to you, then hopefully there's a grief support group somewhere where you can join. Hang in there.

Jeff

[missing rick]

Hi Lindsay

I'm sorry your boyfriend has let you down. He sounds very young and has probably has not yet experienced how devastating real grief feels. You are not being negative, you are just feeling all of the normal things we all have felt as we go through this grieving process. Keep coming back here for support, I have read many wise posts and all from very caring people who understand your feelings. Just reading the posts can help. with love Jane

[shell]

Lindsey,

I'm so sorry your boyfriend had to pull this at this time, but it's better to know he's an emotional loser now, rather than later. You are not a negative person. You are grieving! I lost many people, due to their lack of any kind of empathy for my grief, and after the initial shock of their lack of caring and the overwhelming feeling of aloneness, I am now glad that they are no longer in my life. I also made a new friend (from this board) that I treasure, so my hope for you is that you will find others who have some heart. Hang in there. It's truly his loss, not yours!

Hugs,

Shell

[Janine]

lindsey

Jane and Jeff are right; the ones who have never lost someone close to them have no idea of the pain you are going through. I think being around us reminds them of their mortality and they are not able to go there. My best friend has lost her mother and my husband lost his father 17 years ago and his grandmother last year. They understand because they still feel the loss. Another friend does not want to be around me because her father is sick and I remind her that he will die soon and she is not ready to face it. I will be there for her when he passes because I now understand that she is just not ready to accept that death will come and she needs to focus on his life right now.

Listen to Shell, the loss is his. Someday he will lose someone he loves and he will see how selfish he was when he is in the same boat with us. You are not alone, everyone here is a friend, your friends, and we are not going anywhere.

Janine