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The Lake House

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Tonight I watched this movie...about a two year time warp, in which she is ahead of him two years...they fall in love through some letters they write, but they can't just meet...he has to wait for two years to catch up to her. The waiting killed him, I'm sure, but it had a happy outcome. If only we could just "wait two years", if only it were that simple. Who, of us, couldn't wait two years, if we knew we could be together again, we could be happy again, hold each other in our arms again? Two years, it is nothing. It is this eternity that is forever...this unyielding stretch of time that passes, yet never seems to pass. It is like we are doing our time but don't have an end to our sentence, it goes on and on. We wake up tomorrow and it is still the same never ending nightmare. How do we do this? No one tells us HOW! I tried, I tried to accept it, tried to continue on with my life, but now I've just made a muddle of things, I've just complicated things, and nothing is over, nothing is behind, still it stretches on forever. Oh, George, do you have any idea how much you have affected me?! Do you have any clue how much I miss you? Sometimes it seems like a far away memory that I even had you at all, and yet I still smell you, I still remember what it felt like to have you hold me, I still remember how it felt to hear the sound of your voice, I remember your spirit, your infectious laugh, your zest for life, your love of food! How can anyone so alive, so real, possibly ever be dead?! But you're NOT dead, you're someplace else, you're waiting for me in a time warp, another land. Things are somehow different, but you're there, you're still alive...all that passed away was your body, but you'll have a new body. I don't even care that it's in a new form, I don't care what you look like, the important thing is, you're there, and I'll see you again. I'll be with you again. I just have to wait...like in this movie, not two years, but some amount of time, some unknown amount.

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O how I can to relate to you. I, too, am comming up on two years. In fact, one month from today will be my second sad-anniversary. Lately I also wonder if it wasn't a dream. But then, I realize that if it was a dream, I should have woken up by now. I don't know how I do it , but I get up and go through my daily routines. And then I have a day when I don't cry, so I cry because it makes me fear that I must be forgetting. I dont't know how we do it. We get knocked down with grief and just pick ourselves up again, and again, and again.......


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Hi Kayc

I read your post the first time I was on this site and I too totally related to it. It has been 19 months since my beloved husband died suddenly as the result of an accident and I still feel as you do that I am stuck in a time warp. It does feel at times like a sentence of just survival and all real meaning has gone from life. I am sometimes amazed that I am still alive and my heart still beats when it is broken by such grief. Butch and I had only been married for just under 2 years. It was a second marriage for both of us and it was all so easy as it was all so right. We met on a church internet site and fell in love by phone. After 11 days we knew that we were going to be together always. Trouble was I lived in Scotland and he in Oregon US. Well it is a long story of fate conspiring to assist us through the immigration process but I made it to Oregon permanently 8 months later (after visiting him twice and him coming to Scotland to meet all my family.) We married 10 days after my arrival here and lived out the 22 months that we had together like two teenagers madly in love. We did everything together and had many plans for our future but that all came to a sudden halt when he fell from a ladder at work - he died within a few hours and I never got to say goodbye.

That is when my nightmare started.I found myself in a foreign country with my reason for being here gone. My two sons who are 27 and 25 live in Scotland and had been so happy for me that I had found happiness.I have just lived the last 22 months by putting one foot in front of the other and trying not to make any sudden decisions - I still live in Oregon. I am a teacher and thankfully my job has kept me going and given me a reason to get out of bed every morning.I have gone back to Scotland 3 times to be with my family but am so torn apart as what to do next. I still live in the home that Butch and I shared and that has given me some comfort. I have less days when I feel down than in the begining but can still crash unexpectedly - especialy if I get tired or stressed out.

What keeps me going is that one day I know that I will see him again and we will be together forever but some days that is just not enough!!!I am so lonely. I have some very good friends and very good work collegues but nothing will ever be the same as being with Butch and being on the receiving end of all the love that he showed me. I was very blessed to meet and marry such a wonderful man but oh how am I going to live out the rest of my life? I am 52 years old and my Mom is 87 years old and I think - perhaps I too could live for another 35 years and all I can see some days are long lonely days stretching out ahead of me.

I helps to share this with you. I hope you are comforted to know that someone else shares your feelings of longing to be with your loved one.


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How strange the similarities! I am 52 and George and I had only been married 3 years and 8 months. My kids are 25 and 23. I recently remarried George's best friend, John. He lives 3 1/2 hours from me and we commute to see each other on weekends. I have been trying to figure out what to do because if I move to Portland to be with him and he dies, then I am stuck there in a city I don't want to be in anyway, and I am a country girl that has lived in the same house for 30 years, raised my kids here, want to retire here, etc. It is a very hard decision. And right now we aren't in a financial position for either of us to move...his place is too small, and where I live, there are no jobs...I commute 100 miles per day. But time will work it all out, we just have to be patient. I realize that having experienced death of my husband has colored my view in that I consider death as being a possibility, whereas other people don't think about it much.

I say, give yourself time...if you are to move back to Scotland, you will know it when the time comes...give yourself time to know. For now, look forward to visits there, maybe your family could visit you here once in a while?

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