Anger

[Jan 44]

Hi, This is my first time. My husband, David, and I were married 42 years. We have 4 grown children. On April 17, 2007, David had successful routine surgery on his left leg to clear out a clogged artery. On April 18, the Dr. said the surgery was successful and David would be able to go home on Friday, the 20th. I called the children and told them the good news and they all talked to their dad. ON Thursday, April the unthinkable happened. David had begun vomiting blood early that morning. We talked to his Dr. during rounds but he didn't consider it a danger. According to the written reports, the nurses kept the Dr. informed of the on and off vomiting that went on all day, but he never returned to the hospital to check on my husband.. At 7:55 that evening, while talking and holding hands, my David suddenly stopped breathing - he had aspirated on his own blood. He was in the hospital - how could this happen? To this day, his Dr. has not talked to me . I feel so angry that he appears to have just written David off as no further concern. The autopsy could not determine any reason for the vomiting or internal bleeding. My children and I are still in such total shock. Even after 3 months I still can't accept the fact that he won'twalk through our door.

[karenb]

My God, that is awful! Such a horrible shock for all of you. You should be angry! It doesn't seem like they could get away with that, not checking on him and no contact with you either. I and everyone else on this forum totally understand what you're going through. We are all in different stages of grief and it's a very long process. Even though it doesn't seem like it now things will improve little by little. It's good you have your children. I have three grown children and they are such a comfort. I am so sorry for you all. It's such a hard thing to live through. Take care of yourself as your husband would want you to and keep coming back here, you have friends here who understand. God bless you.

KarenB

[LarrysGirl]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. It is a terrible tragedy and sounds as if something went horribly wrong. It would be perfectly understandable for you to be angry. When I lost Larry medical errors played a part in it and I'm still struggling with how, why, what happened. You are very early into this sad grief and I know what you mean when you say you still expect him to walk thru the door. It's not going to be easy, none of here would tell you any different. Try to find some support and keep writing here and getting out some of the feelings. We will listen and we care. Deborah

[kayc]

Jan,

Please except my condolences on the loss of your husband. You spent a lifetime together and I can only imagine what you must be feeling. I am glad you have your kids nearby. I don't know what took place in the hospital but you are owed some answers. I know that to them, taking care of people is an everyday event, and perhaps they lose sight of the fact that this person isn't just a job to do, but they are someone's husband, someone's son, someone's father, someone's friend. The doctor probably didn't call you because he didn't know what to say, perhaps he felt guilty for not having done a more thorough job, but that is no excuse. My husband was in the best care in the world, too, when he died. It is hard to understand.

You will experience a lot in your grief journey, and I just want you to know, we have been through it and will be here for you to pour your heart out to at times, to listen, to care.