Have I Done Someting Wrong?

[northern duke]

Hi everyone.

I recently posted a response on the "Loss of a Spouse...." Forum and received a response from an offended reader.

I didn’t mean to offend anyone and am wondering if certain forums are off limits to those who haven’t experienced that specific loss.

I really am very sorry if I overstepped my boundaries.

I didn’t mean to.

The Duke.

[AnnieO]

Duke,

No, you did not do anything wrong. I think it was just a misunderstanding.

I believe all forums are open to everyone here. I know I have posted in many different areas, don't let this misunderstanding stop you from posting.

[MartyT]

Dear Duke,

No, you've done nothing wrong, and you are most welcome to post in any of the forums on this site. Since you are fairly new to our family, however, you may find that it will take a little while for some of our members to get to know you, especially if your particular loss (death of a parent) is different from theirs (death of a spouse) and they've not had a chance to read your posts in another forum. Not every member reads every post in every forum (although, as the moderator for this entire site, I feel a special responsibility to do so). I've read the exchange between you and Suzanne earlier this evening (in Need Some Friends Right Now). Because I'd already "met" you in your earlier post last night (in Need a Little Help), I reacted to your post quite differently from how Suzanne experienced it the first time she read it ~ but in your subsequent posts to each other, it appears to me as if you've both cleared up any misunderstandings between yourselves. I hope this answers, and puts your concerns to rest. The last thing you need right now is one more thing to feel guilty about ~ am I right?!

[shell]

Duke,

I just read that post, and no, you did nothing wrong. We all have responded to others who have had different losses than we have. I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope you keep posting. Sometimes people are just so overcome with their emotions they may take something wrong, but that's not your fault, and you were not offensive in any way at all, so don't worry about it.

Hugs,

Shell

[MartyT]

Dear Ones,

See also: Losing a Spouse Is Not the Same as Losing a Parent

[shell]

Hi all,

I think when someone says "I know how you feel because I lost (whoever)" it doesn't matter if it's the "same"! They have lost someone and have grieved and felt the pain that grieving brings. I know I probably shouldn't say this, but I have to. I think you have to be very careful, when grieveing, not to fall into a self-centered pity party. I can honestly say that the one good thing that has come from all my losses, and my grieving, is a much keener sensitivity for other people. Pain is pain. It's all different for each of us and yet, it's really all the same.

Hugs,

Shell