kellymarie Posted October 5, 2007 Report Share Posted October 5, 2007 Hi all! I haven't been around for months... I've started a new relationship with someone absolutely wonderful. I still think about Josh, talk about him, talk to his mom every couple of weeks (instead of every couple of days) but not anywhere as much as I used to. Tomorrow will be 1 year and 6 months. I've definitely "come to terms" with it all; I have a special place in my heart for Josh but now I have a new love to fill my heart. Never really thought that would happen again; I do feel absolutely blessed and can't believe it at times!But here's where the feeling crazy part comes in... Today when I left work, the radio gave a traffic report: a fatal car accident right exactly where my new love lives. And he lives in an area with not alot of traffic/people so I thought it was so unusual to hear about an accident right there. I tried calling his house phone and cell phone and couldn't reach him; I usually have no problem getting in touch with him. Well, I completely lost it. It was like re-living the first 2 hours after I found out about Josh's accident. The panic and horror and I just couldn't calm myself down. I thought I cannot live through this again; I don't even know how I did it once. The feeling like you're so upset you don't even know what to do with yourself. I even had my friend call the police dept. Well, he called me about 2 hours after my full-fledged panic attack; he was out on his boat with his family without the cellphone. He's wonderful and very understanding and said it's just a part of who I am. But, man, I just wish I didn't feel so crazy. It made me realize if you open yourself up to love again (which is absolutely worth it!!!!!), you open yourself up to potential hurt again. I would never go back, love is amazing but gosh....... Re-living that horror and panic was just that... horror. You just never know when grief will rear it's head up again............... sigh... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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