Why Am I Angry At David?

[Jan 44]

Since that horrible night at the hospital on April 19, 2007 I have been almost consumed with anger. For over five months, my anger has been directed towards God, The doctor and nurses. How could a person who so successfully came through "routine" surgery be allowed to die ( with only me, his wife) present, by drowning on his own blood in his hospital room after 13 hours of vomiting blood? For the past week, to my horror, I have had moments of anger directed towards my beloved David. Our 43rd anniversary was last week and he wasn't there.For the first time he won't be here for the holidays.

David was my soulmate, my absolute best friend and the Love of my life. He Loved me so much and suffered so much. How on earth could I blame him for anything and be angry with him? I feel so guilty and disgusted with myself.

Thank goodness I have an appointment with my grief therapist tomorrow. Maybe she can help me work this out.

Since David's death, my spiritual thoughts about the existance of Heaven and Hell have changed. I believe I am now experiencing Hell an I go down this terrible road. Jan

[karenb]

Jan,

I'm glad you have someone to talk this over with. I'm sure they are telling you that your feelings, emotions, and actions are a part of this process. It takes a long time to come to grips with your new life (that you didn't want in the first place). I hope you come to a place where you don't keep seeing that last hospital scene, that must have been so horrible. Just know that we're here anytime you need to vent, talk, cry. Hang in there, girl, it will lessen - I'm here as an example of someone coming somewhat out the other side.

Your friend, Karen

[DesertBob]

Jan,

In a sense, you're looking for a throat to choke and not finding one really; so you're picking the closest thing at hand. In the immediate aftermath of your loss, it was the doctors and nurses who let you down. On your anniversary it is David who is letting you down; he's not there.

Your therapist will likely help you sort it out. Meanwhile feel free to vent at us, if you like. We can take it.

In the meantime please accept that we understand, and you're not a horrible person, just a good person going through a horrible experience.

--Bob

[kayc]

Jan,

As it has already been said, this is a part of the grief process...it feels so unfair and you want/need someone to blame. I have felt angry too that I am left here to deal with everything while George got to go on to his nice new life without me...I am past that now, it's also been over two years for me, but I want you to know that this is normal. Our accepting what has happened is an entire process that takes time and anger is just one of the stages on the way. Your therapist should be able to help you to understand what you are going through. I am sorry you went through that. My George was in the hospital awaiting surgery, in ICU, and I was alone with him when he started having a heart attack...no bells or buzzers went off, it was me who ran for help...a nurse through a sheet on him and left and it didn't help, I ran for help again...this time they took it seriously but they threw me out so I didn't get to be by his side when he died. It has always bothered me and probably always will. I don't know why, when someone is in the hospital, supposedly getting this wonderful care, they die. I only know that all of our questions and upset doesn't change anything, in the end, they are still gone from us. Sometimes if negligence has occurred and played a part in their death, it might be good to hold them accountable so no one else suffers like we have.

I wish you the best with your therapy. If I COULD have stayed in bed I might have, but finances forced me to go back to work within two weeks, I didn't have a choice. Sometimes I think maybe that was good...otherwise, I'd probably still be holed up...

[Jan 44]

Thank you friends for your thoughts, words and prayers. They help so much since, unfortunately, you have gone through or are going through this same journey. I just thought I had gotten through this anger step earlier without being angry with the one primary person with whom I have no "issue" in this tragedy. I miss David and love him so much. Again, thanks and God bless. Jan

[WendyJ]

Jan you have every right to be angry with that hospital and it's staff. I won't go into my complaints as when I lost my husband but I have major issues also with his doctors and the staff at the hospital. Not because I want someone to take the blame but because they were to blame ! I don't know about your anger towards David, since I don't know the whole situation but like me your anger is justified towards that hospital and myself I was told by a lawyer that he didn't feel I had enough evidence to go to court to prove my case although he said I was very justified in my anger at the neglect ! He told me I would have to have doctors to back me up and that it is very difficult to get doctors to testify against eachother. I guess we have to just learn how to vent our anger elsewhere and hope that it becomes easier that blaming the ones responsible will not bring our loved ones back. Steve was also my soulmate, my best friend in the whole world, we had been together since we were teens and he was 51 when he passed. I am having a hard time surviving without him, I am totally lost and scared. Like many here I am counting the days till we can be together again.

Love,

Wendy

[kayc]

Jan,

I think your anger towards your husband is temporary whereas when it's towards someone you feel caused it (hospital, doctors, etc.), it is longer lasting and may take some real effort to move past.

Remember, anger is an emotion and emotions need not always make rational sense, they just are, they leave us to deal with them, but they aren't necessarily indicators of anything in and of themselves. (Ask any woman who is hormonal!)

[teny]

Since that horrible night at the hospital on April 19, 2007 I have been almost consumed with anger. For over five months, my anger has been directed towards God, The doctor and nurses. How could a person who so successfully came through "routine" surgery be allowed to die ( with only me, his wife) present, by drowning on his own blood in his hospital room after 13 hours of vomiting blood? For the past week, to my horror, I have had moments of anger directed towards my beloved David. Our 43rd anniversary was last week and he wasn't there.For the first time he won't be here for the holidays.

David was my soulmate, my absolute best friend and the Love of my life. He Loved me so much and suffered so much. How on earth could I blame him for anything and be angry with him? I feel so guilty and disgusted with myself.

Thank goodness I have an appointment with my grief therapist tomorrow. Maybe she can help me work this out.

Since David's death, my spiritual thoughts about the existance of Heaven and Hell have changed. I believe I am now experiencing Hell an I go down this terrible road. Jan

HI jann this post could be mine Please let me know what your therapist told you about your feelings I also feel angry that YIANNY leftme he was aways telling me Dont worry Im here for you.TENY