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How Do I Face A New Year


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How do I face a new year? A year where Will is not included. I made the valiant battle through Christmas, I survived and now yet another battle to fight. My strength is at minimum, exhaustion has set in. I know many here have fought the same battle for so much longer as the calendar takes them farther away from us and many have started a fresh new battle. My heart goes out to each of you. Only us warriors know this battle. We fight, armed with memories, tears and the gut wrenching loneliness and isolation that those who have been on this battlefield have known. Is that enough armor? Can we win this battle and somehow find a way to some resemblance of normal? Sorry to be a downer, need to get it out. Thanks for listening.

Suzanne

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Suzanne,

A new year...I think it is hard to go into it because it symbolizes a year in which your husband did not live and that is something you have not yet crossed before. But in actuality, it is only one more day on top of the days you have already survived. Of course you are exhausted, Christmas is exhausting enough, and to do it with grief in your heart, it is a thousand times harder. We will have our ups and our downs, we come to expect that, right now you are feeling down...try not to think about a new year, but just get through right now, this moment. Make something soothing and comforting to drink and be good to yourself, do whatever brings you relief, surround yourself with those who are supportive and uplifting, and try to just get through now. We will be here for you as you go through this next year, whatever it may hold, that is what friends are for and that is what this site is about. Hang in there,

KayC

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Hi Suzanne,

Listen to Kay...she's a smart lady and has been through a lot as well. In this new year I am going to, as much as possible, think of all the good and wonderful memories we had. I lost my husband two years ago and so I'm further down the road than you are, but there's still being without him and that is hard. I'm going to do some volunteer work, exercise 3X a week, eat right, take care of my garden and home, enjoy my Sadie Mae, and anything that I feel will be positive. I'll try to think positive about things and maybe enjoy something new...I don't know what, though. I hope you can find things that will help you along. You will make it. Keep with us and let us know how you're doing.

Your friend, Karen :wub:;)

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Karen & Kay

Thank you both so much for your replys. I know both of you are farther along on this journey and that gives me hope for brighter days. I just can't find hope at the moment and that is okay. I know you both understand. I could not make it without the support of those who "get it". I'll hold my little dog Layla closer tonight and make it through one more night. Tomorrow is another day.

Suzanne

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Hey everyone,

Suzanne I know exactly what you are talking about. I think the only reason I made it through Christmas was I was so busy getting the house ready and food ready etc for company that there was no time to think. By time everyone left I was so exhausted I crashed ! Like you I am now dreading New Years and like Kay said which I hadn't thought of is the New Year will represent a year that our spouses did not exist, ouch ! But like Karen said it will be just another day, same thing with Valentines day which will be the next, it is really just another day and I think if we just stay close to our family here we will be okay, we will all get eachother through this.

(((HUGS)))

Wendy

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Wendy

New Years eve is the one fear most of all. But like you, I know my family here will get me through it as you all have through the others. Must retire for now, been up since 4:00 AM. Sleep is a stranger now but I make the effort to maybe have some peaceful, blank rest.

Suzanne

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Hey Suzanne,

I do not like the fact that the new years is coming too but like Christmas I have no choice but to get through it as best I can. It is strange that you mentioned that sleep is a stranger now to you as that is all I do ! I come home from work and I either crash or after a couple hours I crash and I seem to spend my weekends doing alot of sleeping. Maybe you and I just have two different ways of coping?

Love,

Wendy

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Being human, we attach significance to particular days and time periods and milestones and this makes some of them hard for us. I do it as much as the next person.

The truth however is that Jan 1 is not worse than Dec 31 just because in our Gregorian calendar it happens to lie in a different year. You got through the first day, the first month, the first birthday or anniversary, and you will get through the first full year the same way. When a particular day is worse for any reason or for no reason, remember that "this too shall pass".

I think one of the reasons that grief is so tied to dates is because as we clock up the days, weeks, months, and eventually years, we are living more and more in a new world from which our beloved is absent. To the extent we can't accept that new world, it hurts to be reminded of its inexorable advance. It is an obscenity to us that we are even getting *used* to this new world -- that, perhaps, in an unguarded moment we may even *laugh* or be *happy* in it.

But, really, that is what we need to do. To learn how to be happy -- anyway.

Linda used to say, when apologizing to me for something, "Do you still love me -- anyway?" And that is the question life is asking of us. Eventually we will answer in the affirmative because the alternative is to die, metaphorically and perhaps even literally. We have to learn that saying "yes" to life is not saying "no" to our loved one. They will always be with us. Saying "yes" to life is also not saying "yes" to chaos, injustice, and unanswered questions. We just say yes "anyway". After all, what have we got to lose anymore??

--Bob

How do I face a new year? A year where Will is not included. I made the valiant battle through Christmas, I survived and now yet another battle to fight. My strength is at minimum, exhaustion has set in. I know many here have fought the same battle for so much longer as the calendar takes them farther away from us and many have started a fresh new battle. My heart goes out to each of you. Only us warriors know this battle. We fight, armed with memories, tears and the gut wrenching loneliness and isolation that those who have been on this battlefield have known. Is that enough armor? Can we win this battle and somehow find a way to some resemblance of normal? Sorry to be a downer, need to get it out. Thanks for listening.

Suzanne

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Guest moparlicious

Suzanne,

When I read your post, I was thinking the same thing.I am so sorry for your loss, as well. I am new in this journey, I lost my beloved Dan 4 months ago! He died of cancer at the age of 41.I wasn't going to do Christmas.On Thanksgiving, I sat there with all my family faking that happy smile and trying to figure out what the heck I am thankful for? People say, your children? Your health? Am I? Of course I love our children, but being a single mother,and all alone after all I have ever known how to do is be a wife and a mother, for we were married for 20 years, makes me think, no today, I am not. A new year, Hmmm, I am not looking forward to that, without Dan. We did everything together!! Just reaching for him in the middle of the night and the empty feeling without him breaks my heart in such shreds I can't do anything.As we continue on together, we will make it!!! For we have no other choice!!! All the friends and amazing people on this site, are always treasured!!! Love to you all,Kim

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I agree with what Bob said, the days are marked by calendars merely because that's how we humans set it up, we attach significance and meaning to one day merely because it falls on a certain number or place in the calendar. But in reality, it is just one more day. Our focus makes so much difference, if we choose to look at it as another day where there might be something good in it, where someone might smile at us, someone might do something kind...or better yet, we might make a difference to someone in their day, well it helps. I know what it is to fall prey to depression and to be caught up in the human element of it and feel really down, but there is the power of telling ourselves we are going to go on, we are going to find meaning, we are going to make bright spots in our lives, because we determine to. It takes tremendous effort and work, I know that, and at times it seems exhausting to keep trying, but little by little, it does its work in us and makes a difference.

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