Why Are Those Around Me So Blind?

[Cindi]

Still no support from my husband who thinks just because he has seen me happier (my daughter and grandson returned home) and that has been a significant uplift for me. I think that they are my pain relievers.

And yet, I live with my Dad who just looks smaller, older, and more frail everytime I look at him. I know he misses my mom probably a kazillion times more than me and yet, I can run him on his errands, get him out of the house occasionally and still he grieves so. He is not sleeping well at night and that certainly is not helping. I'm considering calling his doctor's office to discuss low-end sleeping medications. I know that all he wants now is to be with my Mom, but oh my, how am I going to handle losing them both?

We always had enough for the basic comforts. Beyond that, my dad, who's own father left him when he was 6 turned out to the the father of fathers. He is my hero. He went work early to beat traffic, slept in his car until he had to punch in, came home every afternoon before my mom and had the house sparkling and dinner on before she got home.

He also took us places so many times (maybe three or more times a week). To the movies, to the park, on a drive. He gave us the best a parent could give to a kid which was all of his spare time. Of course, my mother was always a part of this and I considered myself the richest kid in the world because of my parents' special gifts to their kids.

Still find myself crying at unexpected times, and the other day, for the first time, I saw someone who resembled my mom. That was very hard.

And yet, here I am, still struggling to get through the loss. It was five months today and I am sad.

[Tammyk]

Hugs. I just lost my Dad 2 months ago. I almost lost it today when I briefly couldn't find his watch that I wear everyday now. Are you doing better or worse now at 5 months than you were at 2? I wish grief at least had a nice, neat little timeline we could follow like finishing a degree or something. Sigh.

Hugs again.

[drew]

Cindi,

I am so sorry for your dad. From my own experience, I know that it is difficult to talk about my mom's death with my dad. They were divorced since I was 2, and he is remarried and has another child. But he talks about how much he misses my mom. He even cries, and I know he feels terrible. You would think that after losing my mom, I would want to cling to those that I have left, but as time passes, I find myself wanting to shut them out. I don't want to be close to my dad and step mom. Even though they love me, and try to support me, its never good enough. Sometimes I just want to be rid of them. It was always my mom and I, and now they are all I have. I am being forced to love and like and spend time, and I don't want to. Sorry for all the rambling, it just feels good to be honest.

Edited February 12, 2008 by drew

[rosanne]

Dear Cindi,

I lost my mom to cancer in June 07- I stayed with her pretty much off and on for the last year of her life, due to her hospitalizations and medical problems we encountered. My dad has always been in poor health for the last 20 years, and we never dreamed my mom would go before him, but she did. We have not left dad, I stay with him every night of the week and my two brothers take turns staying with him on the week-ends, thank God we all live in the same town- my family is very close! My father is in a wheelchair now, which before mom passed away he was still walking some- I have to do everything for him from wash his hair to put on his socks... I get very tired and discouraged and do not feel like I am doing enough- They were married for 50 years. My dad has kind of put me in mom's place, sometimes he calls me mama- and I just answer. It is very very hard, and I do understand what you are going through, and I can not stand the thought of him going.... my mom had a much stronger christian faith than my dad shows. I try and take it a day at a time and remind myself that my life will change and I won't have him..forever

Rosanne

[Cindi]

At 5 months, I find that my pain is as great but my outward appearance to others is different. This is likely because the "world" doesn't understand where I've been and where I'm going (I don't even know where I'm going). I couldn't put it into words if I tried. Some days, things happen that make me laugh.

I've often told my kids that there is always a lesson in something that's gone wrong. It might take years to decipher the lesson, but I've been pretty good at it. I can't see how there could be a lesson in the loss of my Mom.

Last week though, I saw someone who sort of resembled my mom and fell to pieces.

I still miss her every minute.

Cindi

[Midnight]

Yes people are so blind and it makes me sick to think that when I need people they are not around to help me or make me feel better.

Everyone stopped asking me how am I feeling at the funeral, now its like no one cares, or people avoid you because they dont know what to say.

Even my own husband who lost his mom at 52 from a heart attack does not get it.

He says my dad was 95 he lived a great life and yes he did, but it still hurts. Age is just a number, why cant people understand that. Does that make it any easier, maybe it should, but honestly it does not. Not to me.

My friends dont call because they dont want me wrecking their day because I tell them how I am feeling.Apparently I am too depressing for them right now. They say call me when I feel better, so guess I wont be calling them.

My sister says get over it. Well its not that easy to get over it.I was the youngest and I saw my dad more than anyone, and right now I feel like I will not ever get over it.

The only thing that is helping me is the sleeping pills that I got from the doctor.

Thanks to the people on this board, I am not feeling alone as much.