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First Day Out


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Well, I left the house this am and decided to go to the Mall where I would take mom in the wheelchair and have some lunch, check out the puppies at the petstore and just cruise. It is 115 degrees here in Phoenix; so the AC being pumped up there helped me. The experience was so painful that at times I could hardly breathe. I was dazed as I went in and out of stores we frequented. I avoided even walking by the food court. From afar I glanced at tables where we would sit. It's so stupid; but I can never go into a Sees Candy Shop and get a free sample of candy again. I tried to walk ever so fast so that no one would see this frantic person. I used to work at JCPenney there, but went out of my way to avoid former co-workers with whom I have visited there for years since I have left. The first thing they would ask is how mom is. The few times I have had to get the words out, "my mom died," I nearly passed out. It is only 1PM, and I am taking to my bed now. I have touched many of here possessions today again. I have sat on her closet floor and bawled again. The days seem to be getting longer. Thanks for hearing me.

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Karen

I'm so sorry for your pain. But it took a lot to do what you did and it's a step ahead. You should feel proud of yourself for doing it. It's ok to touch her things and sit on the closet floor and cry. I do the same thing and it's just what you have to do to start to heal. Hang in there, because I can tell you have the strength to get through this horrible time in your life. Hard to believe right now, but things will get "easier" to handle. The pain will always be there, but you will learn to live with it and go on with your life. Remember, you are a part of your mother and so she is always with you.

Hugs to you,

Shell

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Karen

sorry for your loss

Do what it takes to get through the days - touch possessions of your mom, talk to your mom - talk about the good things, I find this helps me.

I am seeing a therapist to deal with my dads death and other issues from my past - and he is great -

He asked me where my dad was and I said dad is passed away - he said yes but he is in your heart and he said you are apart of him, he will always be apart of you and your life - it made me cry but he is right.

And I said I cant sleep at night I miss my dad so much.

He said to get one of his shirts and wear it so my dad is hugging me with his shirt - and that is so helpful for me, and I have only seen him twice and already he is changing my life.

Good luck and we are sharing your pain, because you are apart of us, you are our circle of friendship while we get through our pain.

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Karen,

You should be so proud of yourself. It isn't easy going back to all of the places you used to visit with your mother. It's what I call one of the "firsts". The first time you've been back to somewhere that you and your loved one used to visit together. What you're experiencing is totally normal and it will get easier.

A couple of weeks after my dad passed away my brother and I went to our local food shop. Immediately the tears started to come because we'd always gone in there with dad at weekends and now it was just my brother and I. The checkout staff would ask where my dad was and we'd have to let them know of his passing.

It must have taken tremendous strength for you to have gone to the Mall on your own. Each shop must hold very special memories for you. In the early days it's so difficult when people ask you how your loved one is and you have to tell them what has happened. Small steps at a time is the best way forward and by going to the mall you've taken a step forward.

((hugs)) M.

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Karen,

Oh how I could relate to what you were writing. My mom passed away a year ago, we were very very close- I say too close but it was what it was....

WE loved shopping together- I did not know if I would be able to ever do that again when she died- but I forced myself the first three times I did -I could only stay a few minutes and would come out crying my eyes out- I still have hard times, you will also- but you made the first step and you did something for yourself that will start your healing process. It is very hard Karen, every day is hard but I promise you it will get a little better as time goes by.... Shell- along with numerous others I could name, were wonderful! This is a good place. Someday you may not feel like writing and some days you will. DO what makes you feel o.k.

Hugs to you

Rosanne

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