So Angry

[mlg]

Sunday it will be 1 year since this jerk hit our house and the closer it gets the more angry I get. Tom had been in the hosp for a week (dodging the death bullet) and got home on Sat. afternoon. That night we went to bed and about 2 o'clock I was restless so went in the other room to sleep. About 3am there was this loud bang and the whole house shook. I came up screaming his name and he assured me he was OK. I thought he had gotten up and passed out. I looked out our bedroom window and could see head light and said I think a car hit our house. Well it was a panel truck and had just missed the gas meter but hit the air conditioning unit and moved it about 10 feet and the TV tower which bent down over the panel truck. ( We live in the middle of a block and there is probalby only 15-20 feet between our house and the neighbors on that side.) I wanted to make sure they were OK but the police said not to go out until they got there. Well, in the mean time they ran away. That next week was the hotest week of the year and we had no air conditioning. People offered to let us stay but he didn't want to impose so here is is dying, plus the added burdon of dying in the heat. The owner of the vehicle couldn't be reached but the next morning claimed the vehicle was stolen. So needless to say our insurance had to pay everything and we had to pay the deductible.

I am still so angry and I just hope the person who did this gets his own just desserts some day. I would just love to let him know how miseralbe he made some of Tom's dying days.

Thanks for letting me vent so I don't explode.

[kayc]

Oh Mary Linda, I am so sorry. I think a lot of us have bad memories of their dying time, I know I do, with George being in the hospital and the head nurse of the ICU throwing me off the ward so I couldn't be there for him as he passed...I, like you, feel that is something I don't know I can ever forgive, even though I realize I need to and am supposed to, I don't even know how to start. Every time I think about it I feel mad. When someone does something so wrong to the person that we love and we can't reverse it and it was important, like when they were dying, it's just pretty hard to take. The only thing I can think is God is the best one I know at handling forgiveness, and maybe if we turn to Him and ask His help in our being able to let it go, maybe He'll do that miracle...I haven't even had it in me to do that yet and it's been over three years for me...with only a year out for you I can imagine how you must feel. Wouldn't you just love to be able to address that person and tell them the consequences of their action? That's all I want, just to voice it but I can't, I don't know the person's name or remember what they look like, just being whisked off while my husband is passing into his eternal resting place. That position (of being there for him) should have been MINE, I was the closest one to him, I was his Little One, I was everything to him, and we were ALWAYS there for each other. I feel like I let him down, and yet I couldn't help it.

I'm sure you feel the same way, you wanted to keep your husband comfortable and someone took that privilege away without your consent.

Hopefully we can both lay these offenses to rest...I'm sure our husbands were long since over it. I love you! Hugs!

KayC

[WendyJ]

Kay I know exactly how you felt. I too was thrown out of the room just as my husband was going into arrest and it just kills me to think about it. They told me I had to leave and one of the nurses actually shoved me out of the room almost knocking me over and my husband was fighting them and kept throwing the curtain over to try to see where I was as he was in a panic. I swear he knew what was happening and wanted me there by his side, and I hate myself for not insisting that I be there holding his hand. ( here come the tears). I understand they do not want us in the way but they worked on him for 45 mins while I had to sit out by the nurses station not knowing if he was going to make it while people kept walking past me saying how sorry they were....sorry? For what I kept saying...you mean he is gone? It was horrible and will haunt me till the day I die.

Love,

Wendy

[mlg]

"Wouldn't you just love to be able to address that person and tell them the consequences of their action? " by Kay

Actually I kind did this. I have a feeling that I know who did this so I wrote a letter and put it in an envelope ane mailed it to the owner of the truck (who I think is the culprit). I asked that if he had any idea who took the truck would he please give them the enclosed letter. In that letter I told him how miserable he had made us and especially Tom who was dying. I also told him how I was concerned about his well being enough that I was going to come make sure he was OK until the police told me not to. I said I hoped some day his conscience would make him do the right thing and tell the truth. I hope it at least made him think about things. He probably just threw it in the trash because evidently he doesn't care about others much.

I am so sorry that the medical profession treated you both so badly. Wendy, I cannot understand if he was alert enough to be fighting to see you why they kept you away. I would have thought they would want you close at hand to calm him. I know there are things that a lot of people can't handle but at least give you a chance or someone should have gone out with you and explained things to you and then kept you posted.

Kay, I know George died of a heart attack but I don't know all the circumstances around it, but to throw you off the ward? It sounds like medicine from the stone ages.

I am so sorry my fellow professionals treated you this way. I hope since then they have taken a step back and put themselves in that situation. I know I did have an instance once when we were trying to get a teenage girl stabilized and once she was OK I asked the mom if she would like clergy to come see her and she wrote me up because I didn't call the clergy first so I know there are always 2 views to a situation but yours both sound really extreme.

I love you both and your posts have helped me greatly. Just pray we all get through this.

Edited September 19, 2008 by mlg

[WendyJ]

Mary Linda, to this day I do not understand either. You see he had a blood clot that went to his heart ( we didn't know till the autopsy)and he had an attack at home, then stabilized and took him to the hospital, he was fine there for a few hours, was actually watching tv and ate alittle bit and was talking with us. They could not find what the problem was but wanted to admit him to keep an eye on him. While still in the ER he got up to use the mens room, had another attack when they threw me out. He was struggling and fighting something, almost was like he couldn't breathe but the whole time was fighting and moaning and looking for me. They didn't let me back in till 45 mins later, a doctor was still sitting on him and working on him but he was gone, had no idea I was even there...no good-byes, no I love you's no please hang on's. Nothing ! I was suddenly all alone.........

Love,

Wendy

[JeanneC]

Oh Wendy my heart goes out to you. There is nothing that I can really say to you and make you feel better, but just that I care just as we all care about each other. That suddenly being alone is what gets to me. It's the finality of it all. One minute your with someone and then your alone.

Love and God Bless,

Jeanne