New Therapist

[teny]

Hellow my friends most of you know my story and as you remember Ihave tried diferend counceling and group therapy.Yesterday Ivisited anew therapist < a women that as I have been told had also lost her husband some years ago and thought that she would be more understanding>.It is almost 2 years for me and the wound is bleeding.She told me that will never go away and that she can not be of any help .I can only help myself I have to stop taking pills for depression and the only hepl she can ofer is with counceling make me understand that other people that suround me can give love and protection .I know that some of you have moved and I feel that something is wrong with me.Im in baby steps and have no hope .Need your help.Your far away friend TENY

[WendyJ]

Teny my sweet friend I don't like the sound of that therapist at all. If you are not comfortable with her then do not go back please. Sounds to me like she will do you more harm than good and you certainly don't need that.You are right where the rest of us are, please don't think because Fred and I have gotten close that we don't miss our spouses as much as you miss Yiany as we certainly do. As a matter of fact I was crying just yesterday for Steve, missing him so much as I know Fred misses Jackie alot too. You know they say time heals all wounds, but a wound as badly as we all have leaves a scar...and that scar will be with us for the rest of our lives to remind us each and every day of what we had and what we lost. Some of us will just take longer to heal that's all...I myself think you are doing very well.

Love You,

Wendy

[mlg]

Teny, I whole heartedly agree with Wendy. This lady was just cruel and certainly shouldn't be talking with grieving patients. I think all of us here could open a practice and do more good than it sounds like she did. I posted something I read on the parents and grandparents forum that you may want to read about a shiva. It is a Jewish ritual but could do us all some good.

Our far away friend have you ever thought about coming to the states for a visit? Maybe getting totally away from things for a while could give you some space to be able to handle things better when you go back. (I guess I'll find out if that works in Feb. when 3 of us from my grief support group are going to Florida together.)

You just keep coming back here and getting our ((((hugs)))).

[kayc]

Teny,

Not every therapist is right for everyone, keep looking until you find the one that clicks with you, you should feel they have some degree of understanding. That's why I stopped going to the grief counselor I was going to, he was totally wrong for me, he seemed insensitive, he'd never been through it, he was pushing me to move on when it had just happened, and he had one of those take over kind of personalities that don't set well with me, makes me want to balk. It's important to listen to your inner self and what you (inside of you) are trying to tell yourself.

She is right that it won't be over, but it should change form somewhat eventually and become less intense to handle. What she is attempting to accomplish isn't working with you, please keep looking and don't give up. There has to be someone out there that can be of better help to you.

You can keep telling us how you feel, we're here for you.

Love,

KayC

[dpodesta]

Teny,

I agree with what everyone has already said. Find someone that knows how to handel these situations. It seems like you haven't progressed very far and as you read it sounds to you like we have moved on very easily. Each of us has opur own time period, however I think all would agree that we have gotten where we are today through a lot of hard work. Until you find a good therapist get you some books on grief if you haven't already done so. There is a list on a past post that someone Dusky put together that he had read. I am sure Marty will post a link* to this message at some point that will take you to that post. Grief is a difficult journey and a hard one at that, but through some hard work and determination you can get through it but remember it will be only in the time frame that you decide, not someone else.

Love always

Derek

* See John's Book List

Edited September 24, 2008 by MartyT