I'm New Here

[marsha]

Hi all - my name is marsha - i lost my husband on July 1. The man was never sick in his life, then he was diagnosed with billiary duct cancer in early March, and it was all downhill from there. It happened so fast, my head was spinning - I couldn't keep up with it. He fought fiercely, and so did I, but it was G-d's will. After going through his journey, now I'm going through mine. But actually, I'm still going through his, because he's in my thoughts, oh - about every two minutes or so! There's times I feel like this is now my life - with a constant undercurrent of sorrow, and this huge void. We started a business together 8 years ago, and I'm thankful for that, because it takes up a lot of my time. But I feel like I'm teetering at the edge of an abyss, that dark place that causes anxiety, panic, loss, whatever. Thank you all for listening - Marsha

[LarrysGirl]

Marsha, I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. Its so very hard to come to grips with. My Larry was ill for a long time but the last few months cancer came into the picture and like you, everything was going downhill so fast that I don't know how I took care of him. I'm glad you have a business to keep you somewhat busy but remember to take care of yourself and get plenty of rest, believe me your body needs it. Deborah

[WendyJ]

Marsha I am sorry we had to meet under these circumstances but we are all here for the same reason and fully understand your pain. Deb is so right, get plenty of rest, this is a very long journey and you need to take care of yourself. You are going to have good days and bad days and horrible days but remember we are here for you and welcome you to our family. Please keep coming back and we will help you in what ever way we can.

Love Always,

Wendy

[mlg]

I am so sorry for your loss but glad you came here. This has been the best thing for me. I have a friend whose husb died of the same thing. We share a b'day and he died on our b'day. She is upset however becuase I stood by her while Garry fought his battle for almost 2 years and my husband died before hers. Sometimes it doesn't seem fair but like I told her she didn't chose this and neither did you. I keep telling myself that I'm no better than anyone else and why not me but it still really hurts.

Know that we are here day and night a lot of times because you see we all have trouble sleeping. Keep posting and let us help you through it.

[kayc]

Marsha,

I want to welcome you to this site, I'm glad you found it. I am sorry you hve to be here, because of the circumstances, but this is the most wonderful caring group of people, like a family, but we welcome always, anyone that finds themselves in this situation.

I am so sorry for your loss. This is probably the singlemost difficult thing you will ever go through, it will take more energy than anything else could possibly require, but you will make it through it. Grief, IMO, is forever, but it doesn't stay the same, it evolves, and that's good, because no one could take that level of intensity forever. It is not so much that grief goes away, as that we learn to better cope with it and adjust to it. It's good that you have the business to take up the time and throw your energies in to. But you're right, they're never far from our thoughts...like every couple of minutes or so, and it lessens a bit as time goes on, but oh how it does take time. I'm in my fourth year now. I've made some mistakes, no one else seems to have messed up their lives quite like I have, thank God most people have more sense! I have shared candidly about that because I know how vulnerable we are in this state.

Grief is a journey, it takes a course of it's own. It is not all bad, the circumstances leading to it were, but the lessons and silver linings that come from it can be positive ones. We learn to stretch ourselves, to grow, we lose some old relationships but sometimes we gain some new ones, like I have a friend that I got AFTER George died, and now her husband is passed away and we are able to share our experiences about that.

Please feel free to come on line and express yourself, people here are very understanding and caring.

Wishing you the best,

KayC

[marsha]

Thank you, all. I have spent hours reading hundreds of past posts, and so many of them struck a resonance with me. All of you are so insightful, and full of love and help. I'm honored to be here. Marsha

[mlg]

KayC

I am sure you are not the only one to have made these "mistakes". You are just one of the few that is willing to share them with other people in hopes they don't make the same mistake and maybe that is why you were the chosen one for them. Maybe that is part of your purpose in life and I am sorry if that is so that you have to go through it for the rest of us to learn.

Please keep sharing with us "oldies" and all the newbies.