I Just Want This Holiday Stuff Over...

[NotCoping]

No invites, not that I could accept anyway. I just wish is was Jan. 2. Heck, it won't be any better for me, but his is awful.

Tomorrow will be three weeks for me, but four weeks since I last heard him talk to me. It's the longest we were every apart.

[NotCoping]

I'm just using music when I can tolerate it to express myself. If you can't do music (and I totally understand), then don't click the link. Thanks, Mel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNF1a-ZG1uc

[heartbroken]

It's been six weeks since my husband died and nine weeks since I was able to talk to him person to person. I hate the holidays also, but honestly I don't think it will be better when they are past. I could be wrong. It is definitely not easy seeing other people so happy when I am so unhappy. I have gone to family events. I have to. I think sometimes it is easier holding it together for others than it is for yourself. When my husband was in the hospital, I held it together for him. Now I find I do it for family, but there is a limit on how long I can do this at a time.

Okay, this next part may sound crazy. I talk to my husband all the time. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I fuss, and sometimes I just talk about what I am feeling and what's going on. I honestly feel he can hear me. It helps me to believe that. I feel his presence with me, and that is comforting.

Hang in there with me, Not Coping. We may not solve each other's problems, but we can understand because we are both going through it. I knew my husband for 42 years, and we were married for 36 years. We were suppose to just walk off into the sunset together at the end of our lives--not with one getting left behind.

My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Heartbroken

[kath]

I'm sorry this is so difficult. You are very new to this journey and to have it close to a major holiday must be excrutiating. I had 7 months to adjust to Bob's loss by our first Christmas. It was still heartbreaking. If you feel up to sharing some of the traditions you shared with your spouse, I'd love to hear them.

Kath

[MikeC]

Mel, you are so new to this. I wish I could tell you it will get better soon, but I can't. My experience so far tells me healing is a very slow, painful process. I will say this, though: It was a month before I could get the courage to talk about my wife's death on this forum. I think you are doing well to start dealing with your loss as soon as you have.

I also think you express yourself very well with music. It is good therapy and I often use it when I can't find the words, too. I have always liked "A Long December" but it is an especially poignant song this year. Hang in there, Mel.

Mike

[NotCoping]

Don't feel crazy. I'm doing all the same things except going to family events. I talk to him all the time, and I'll ask something such as "what did I do with my scarf?" and I find it right away. Then I thank him for telling me. I have to somehow get this house in order by Jan. 24 for a memorial service here (most people are out of town and I wanted to make it after the holidays) and I can't touch a thing.

[heartbroken]

Not Coping,

Is there someone who can help you with that? People feel better when they can do something positive to help you. Don't be afraid to ask. You might be pleasantly surprised. It's easier to work with someone else, and I have found that staying busy helps me at times--not always, but sometimes it does.

My husband has helped me find things also. A couple of times when I was particularly inconsolable, things got knocked down (a stack of books, a perfume bottle, a picture off the wall). I think he was letting me know he was upset that I was upset.

Anyway, see if you can get some help with those preparations. You have enough to deal with without the stress of doing that by yourself.

Heartbroken