Hello Im Back

[walter/Erica]

Hello all, Its been a year since I last posted on this site. Much has happened, but its good to be back. Its been 21 and a half months for me since I lost my darling husband Walter . I am feeling terrible, pain is still there, more manageable I suppose but now I also feel the loneliness and emptiness, the 'not having anything to look foraward to" fear of the future, a future on my own. The holidays have been aweful with me running around visiting, popping in to people to avoid the pain of being on my own. I am dreading New Years , and I turn 50 on Friday 2nd Jan..I dont feel in the mood for a celebaration, theres nothing to celebrate . i will have to pull myself together as my kids have organized a special birthday party for me. It feels good to be amongst friends who have experienced what I have.

[kayc]

Erica,

You are not alone, you are welcome to post here. We are all experiencing the same thing and not liking it. It's amazing how much time it takes to adjust to losing that most important person in the world, and I'm not sure we ever fully get used to it. The missing them is like a gaping hole in our heart that we live with.

While I know nothing feels the same for you, I do hope you will have some enjoyment on your birthday, just getting to be with your kids. It wasn't supposed to happen this way, we were supposed to be together "until death do us part"...the death of BOTH of us, not "one of us and we're left behind"!

[Dusky]

Erica,

It is so nice to have you back. This is always a place where you can find peace and love.

John - Dusky is my handle on here

Love you Jack - and Dusky

[mlg]

I know what you mean about the birthday thing. I turned 60 thirty-five days after Tom died. I had several surpise parties for him and he had so wanted to surprise me this time. Well, he surprised me all right but not in the way I would have liked. I did spend it with my girls and their families quietly. I hope you can find some peace and happiness on Friday.

[Gail_R]

Hello Ercia..I have missed you ..Im so sorry that you are still having a hardtime..it is good to hear from..I dont post much anymore but do come and read most days..please know that you have come back to the right place people here are so understanding and loving they will help you through this and so will i...love and miss you...Gail