Extreme Empathy?

[emptyinside]

Whenever I think of the pain my dad went through, my heart feels like it's churning, I get out of breath, and I feel like someone punched me in the stomach. For as long as I can remember, I've always looked out for him. If he went through pain, I felt it, too. I just wanted him to be happy and healthy. Maybe I am an extremely empathetic person? I don't know. I'm not like that with everyone, though. I felt it the most when it came to my dad because I love him the most. If he wanted something and it was expensive or hard to find, I'd make it my mission to get it for him.

I find it difficult to want to do anything too enjoyable now. I don't want to go to the movies (something my dad and I did all the time) because I'm sad he won't get to watch the film. I don't want to go to any fancy dinners because he won't be able to eat there. I can do normal humdrum things like shopping for food and stuff, but if there's some out-of-the-ordinary event, I begin to feel extreme pain at not being able to share it with him. I know a lot of people do enjoyable things in another person's honor, but I can't get into that.

When he was alive, I was able to enjoy things. I'd go on trips with friends and everything (because my family and I hard our own special family time...if I did something exceptionally interesting and fun that I thought my family would enjoy, I could introduce it to them later). But now that there will be not more family time like that, I don't feel like doing anything special anymore.

2 weeks after he passed, someone in my family tried to get me to go on a trip with her. It was nice of her to ask, but I wasn't into traveling then, and I couldn't bear the idea of the beautiful trip she was planning because my dad wouldn't get to see all the sights, too. My joy for life has been sucked out. It's not fair that I can do things and my dad can't (and I know life isn't fair). I want him to be alive and able to enjoy all matters of things.

[leeann]

((((((Em)))))))

I don't feel like doing anything special anymore.

You will. In your own time... you will. Hold on to that.

leeann

[lucia]

first of all *hugs*

Whenever I think of the pain my dad went through, my heart feels like it's churning, I get out of breath, and I feel like someone punched me in the stomach

i know how you feel, i hurt inside when I think of what my mom went through whil she was alive. When I look at her pictures, I cant help it, it just hurts. Becuase it's obvious she was suffering.

it takes time.

[Russell]

I know what you are going through. Things are so bad I don't want to leave my apt. All I want to do is stay in bed and sleep, watch TV, and watch DVD. I can get DVD from netflix put right in my mailbox. Watch them and put them back in my mailbox. I can order food over the computer from peapod. So I call in sick to work. Sometimes I stay home all week. I never though I would end up this way. My mother die Sept. 8, 2008. So it only been a lttle over 4 months. I tuch me 2 month to start doing this. I just can't take it anymore. I will pray for you and hope you do not get as bad as me.

GOD BLESS,

Russell

[jc1030]

Emptyinside,

After reading your post, I thought this was exactly what I went through right after my father died. For several months, I too did not find much of anything to be enjoyable, and my immediate thoughts were always how dare I enjoy life when a loved one has died. It's amazing the impact of guilt when it takes over your thought processes. There were still some interests that I continued to do, but it wasn't so much out of enjoyment as it was to take my mind off of things for a brief time.

Gradually I began to once again resume doing things out of a bit of enjoyment. Ultimately, as leann said, it's in your own time that you begin to once again decide to live again. It's been two years for me, and while I'm a little better, I still have some moments of feeling do I have any right to enjoy my life.

Jeff

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

I too did not feel like doing to much after my mom died, My dad was still alive at this moment so I did do a few things for him... But when he died it was like my whole world came crashing down on me and I would not do anything that reminded me of them or even go out the door... I was content to stay in and just sit and not do anything... Now it has been almost four years and I have gotten back into the church and I see friends now and eventhough things get tough I deal with them a little better...So I hope this helps.. Take care Shelley

[kissmekate]

hello,

I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I am grieving for my mom and also know how much she suffered. It helps me to think of how brave and strong she was even through her suffering. She did not want to go because she didn't want to leave all of us. I think that someday you will want to go and have fun again. I know that it can be very difficult, but I am sure your dad would want you be happy. I find it is easier to be with people who have also lost a parent, because they understand what you are going through. I have some friends who mean well and want to be there for me, but I find that when I talk about how I am feeling they get uncomfortable. It's like they want me to behave like I used to, but that is never going to happen again.