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Not What I Expected

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Two-and-a-half years later I'm not where I'd thought I'd be (emotionally).

I had this idea that after a year or two I'd be healed, loving someone again, back to my optimistic self and enjoying the activities I used to, such as biking.

Reality is that my favorite avocation seems to be going for the world record in napping (both frequency and duration).

I do participate in life enough to feel I'm not terribly depressed, but I lack the enthusiasm and energy I used to have, and miss it.

My current partner is incredibly understanding and loving, and doesn't pressure me to behave differently. She thinks I'm still a wonderful guy, which I often have a hard time hearing. I know how much more spirit I'm capable of, and I miss it.

If I try to be objective I can certainly see slow recovery over the past couple of years. It's just much slowr than I expected.


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Maury, I'm glad you shared this topic because I think this is true for a number of us. And I think its okay for the grieving to take its own time period. I'm like you, I miss the energy I could put into whatever I was doing. Now I run out of steam quickly and it frustrates me. I've definitely experienced changes physcially and mentally and I think its a good thing for others to know, the grieving isn't going to happen overnight. Take it easy of yourself, Deborah

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Hello Maury we have missed you here. I can not say I am not where I expected to be as I really never knew what to expect, looking into the future scared the crap out of me as all I could see was being alone. I can say I am where I am now because of loving family and some very important friends here in this group, I still do not know what my future holds and I am only about 6 months behind you. I do wish I could get back my energy and enthusiasm also, some days are better than others but I am still not where I used to be. It is so nice to hear from you again.

Love Always,


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It's good to hear from you again. I think most of us feel that way. I think we do well to have any energy and get through our day without being depressed. I haven't felt the same since George died and don't expect to. I hadn't expected things to go like they did either, I've always been one to grab the bull by the horns, so to speak, and have found this is the one thing in life that is to such an extent that it knocked a lot of the wind out of my sails. I keep trying, haven't given up, but have learned it is what it is and to give it all the time needed.

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