Losing The Love Of My Life

[loving denny]

i lost the love of my life on april 4. 2009 from a massive heart attack while he was at work. days had gone by before i was able to find out what had happened to denny because i had never met his family. we had decided to take our relationship slow because of amny mistakes we'd each made in our past and wanted to get to know one another without interference from family and friends. this sounded good at the time, but when he passed no one knew to get in touch with me. after being angry, mad and you name it at deny for not getting in touch with me, i went to his home ready to confront whatever it was thaat was keeping him away. in the drive was his work vehicle and truck, as if he we're home. i went to the door, pounded and went inside and looked everywhere but found no sign. then i place a note with my concern for his well being on the door and left. i came home an started researching newspapers and found his obituary, that moment my world blew apart........i felt guilty for being angry at him, i felt so empty and alone. so i spent that day and the following day soboing and feeling like my heart had been ripped out. then the phone rang it was from denny's house, and i couldn't answer the phone for some reason at that moment. i called the voicemail amd listened as she gave her sympathy for the loss of someone i care for so much, her brother. i called back and his little brother andswered the phone. their voices sooooo very much alike, and he apologized and said he hadn't thought about that before picking up the phone. he then shared how i lost denny, and tried to help me gain some inner peace with it all, said they would be keeping the numbers left on the note so that when they got around to giving out pictures and other memories that they would call and make sure that i was involved and had some things of my own. also offered to let me come out to denny's home and help with the upkeep, which warmed my heart. just knowing that i now had his family with me made a big difference, but this pain is more than i can take at so many different times of the day. i wonder if i will ever be the same? denny's heart

[kath]

Dear friend,

I am so very sorry for your loss and the heartache that comes with it. I pray you will find peace amongst the tears ahead and support in Denny's family. It's not easy, but you have found a safe and caring site. Will you ever be the same? None of us will, because we have been loved. It changes us for the better. Will it always feel this intensely painful? No, you will heal, but you have to walk through it for a while. Hang in there.

Love,

Kath

[kayc]

Denny's heart,

I'm sorry you lost your love, and to find out like that is truly horrible. I'm glad the family is being nice to you, maybe you can get to know them and in some way, feel you are keeping him. You have found a very caring site here, with others who have been through it. Keep coming back and expressing yourself, it helps. I hope they give you some of his things in his memory.

[loving denny]

Dear friend,

I am so very sorry for your loss and the heartache that comes with it. I pray you will find peace amongst the tears ahead and support in Denny's family. It's not easy, but you have found a safe and caring site. Will you ever be the same? None of us will, because we have been loved. It changes us for the better. Will it always feel this intensely painful? No, you will heal, but you have to walk through it for a while. Hang in there.

Love,

Kath

thank you soooooooo much Kath, and I am glad that I have found this site, because without i I don't know what I would do really. Thank you for your words of support, but at this time i can't see it not ever hurting intensely!! But, I know..............just don't know, does that make sense....Joanna

[loving denny]

Denny's heart,

I'm sorry you lost your love, and to find out like that is truly horrible. I'm glad the family is being nice to you, maybe you can get to know them and in some way, feel you are keeping him. You have found a very caring site here, with others who have been through it. Keep coming back and expressing yourself, it helps. I hope they give you some of his things in his memory.

thank you for your kind words of support kay, his family has been very comforting even though they have never met me and hthey have said that they will make me a part of the picture sorting and little things, which i am sooooooooo grateful for. i wish that i could have met them sooner, but denny and i wanted to get to know each other first and well.....i am thankful that they are welcoming, and i am thankful for this site where i can say things that i need to say. i miss denny soooooooooooo much....joanna

[Boo Mayhew]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I cannot imagine finding out the way that you did, how awful for you. Please do keep posting here. I can promise you that it does help because you can offload in a safe environment, plus you know that everyone here actually does know how you feel.

Try to eat and sleep, for now that is enough.

[loving denny]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I cannot imagine finding out the way that you did, how awful for you. Please do keep posting here. I can promise you that it does help because you can offload in a safe environment, plus you know that everyone here actually does know how you feel.

Try to eat and sleep, for now that is enough.

oh thank you so much boo for reaching out to me, i feel so angry most of the time that being around people has not been an option. the wound being as fresh as it is even the words of kindness from others is sometimes like rubbing salt in the wound. when i hear "i know how you feel" from those that don't have a clue, i just want to scream. and to hear that it will all get better in time........well i wonder my God how long is that going to take, and then realizing that when 2 hearts join and love this intensley there is no time for things to ever get easier. i've even heard rumors of another woman, or womwn, i've not been able to even begin to address that issue and won't allow that to interfere with my grieving!! can u imagine people that bring that kind of s*** to the table!!! i would love to add you as a friend if u would allow me to because in ur own story and blog that i've read, i see so much similar things about the people that we are. i always seen myself as a strong person like you seem to be, but we don't share that because i have found that i am very much a weaker link in hat grey area. i would have married the love of my life this year and now, just like hhim "poof" my happiley ever after is gone. i will keep posting here because without this i don't know if i would curl up and die to maybe, this pain is intennse enough to take down things much larger than i and i battle the demon of darkness every minute of every day. night time is most terrifying tome.....hmm wonder why at times and at other times just prepare for battle the best way i know how. again thank you for reaching out to me, i needed you more than you will ever possibly know!! i am so sorry that your heart was taken from you so quickly, and ever for that matter and i CAN honestly say that i do know how you feel....thank you boo

[Boo Mayhew]

I'd be honoured for you to add me as a friend. Thank you. I have to leave work now and catch my bus home, so can't write a lot right now.

Please don't listen to people saying nasty stuff to you. Just hold on to the love that you two have. Just because the person has gone doesn't mean the love has gone too. It hasn't.

Big hug. EAT A LITTLE AND SLEEP

xx